holiday cheer

This is how you define the BEGINNING of holiday fun.

Pics under appropriately decorated dead animal...



Accompanied by beers the size of your head.



Nice start!!

Oh, and we each had two of the afore-mentioned monstrous brews. Plus Scho did a tequila shooter. He does after all have a few inches he needs to make up for if you didn't notice...

something is a-brewin'

As per wrote, I am a spontaneous person.

I HATE making plans. I love any event that occurs just because it needs to happen. Because people wish it to be.

That being said, any kind of discipline is of course my greatest challenge. Which is of course why the marathon was such an accomplishment. I mean, geez - how long did I need to work to get to that point?

So here I stand, on the juxtaposition of my life. And I realize I can go with my gut...or go with timing.

Timing is EVERYTHING. At least that much I have learned. There are ideas brewing in my mind. They are golden. But the universe has to be aligned to make it happen.

Here is how it will go down. I'm not going to tell you too much. Because I always frickin jinx myself by saying too much. There will be code words.

I will reach goal F by putting into play goal S as of Jan 2nd. When (not if) this happens as planned (jebus help me) by end of March I will engage in one of the bravest moments of my life.

Don't assume anything here, I believe this idea has been kept locked in that special secret place that I own for a while now.

It is time to shake things up. And this will be the divining rod.

there and back again

Yeppers, just stepped in the door back from the home front. In a wise preventative measure I kept the visit very short. Four nights.

I'm still kind of processing the trip. It happened so fast. As always it was bittersweet. And I took many pictures. Which I will upload and then expound upon.

In some ways it was harder to go home to Detroit this time. Maybe because I stayed away longer? Or maybe it is a timing thing. Where I am in my life and whatnot. There were so many good times back then, and now they are coming less frequently. Totally my own fault for being such a hermit lately.

But it did give me some ideas. Just have to sift through to find one that isn't fool's gold.

focus

You know, over the past few months I have asked multitudes of people the same question.

"What is the perfect job for me?"

Let me tell you, I have had some interesting answers. All of them insightful. In one way or another.

You know what? It was the wrong question. What I really need to know is:

"Who do I want to be?"

My current job requires me to play a role. Which obviously I don't mind enough to quit...but I recognize is an act enough to make me long for a place to be myself.

So now I have to figure out how I want to live. And the job will follow.

the fun just keeps comin'

Okay, I totally could not resist. I'm doing it again.

New Year's Eve. My place. If you didn't get the evite don't be shy. Give a shout.

Hell's bells, if you are here from out of town you better damn call. It will be that fun. And that easy. Not that I'm easy, I'm just friendly and prone to giving affection...

Ooops. tangent there. What I mean to say is this:

Where else would you really like to be to ring in the new year?? Where do you know you will have a good time?

Really.

C'mon.

Yep.

Awwwwww yeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.

withholding

So I was thinking forward a week from now when the parental interrogation is to take place. You know - how the job is, what exciting is going on with the glamorous NYC life, if I am seeing anyone...

This made me grin, because now when I say, "I date on occasion…it happens!" I can even say "Just this past week I went out to dinner with hurry date guy"

Then of course they say "hurry date guy who?"

Oh crap. Dude, I so don't know this guy's last name! Not all that surprising, the whole speed-dating thing doesn't get much past what you do and where you live. Remembering more is a challenge. And to be honest even when I meet a guy at a bar I am lucky if I remember his first name at all when the night is over.

But it brings up another question - when do you give and receive last names? Hell, I haven't even given this guy my email address yet, we are communicating through the dating site still.

Honestly, I'm a little hesitant to give my proper name as of yet. What if this guy is a loony? Specifically not in a good way? But on the other hand, if you are going out on a date shouldn't you know more about them in CASE they are unstable and your friends need to track down them should something go awry?

Guess either way you could lose. It comes down to trust. Or luck. You choose.

In the meantime - if I'm still enjoying myself by desert I think I'll do the information exchange. Because that will clear the way for me to over theorize about the whole third date thing.

Lordy. It just keeps on keeping on.

back in the saddle

Dating just confuses me. It just doesn't make sense. You basically schedule a set of interviews to see if you want to fall in love.

How does that work? Look at the first date - you both are on your best behavior, doing your damnedest to make sure you don't let out too much of your crazy.

To be honest though, isn't it the crazy in people that really makes you like them? When you describe the people closest to you, it is what sets them apart that you think of first. And what you look forward to in them the most.

So I went on a date with one of my speed dating matches this week. It was surprising. Because it was FUN.

Yep, you heard me right. I went on a date and had a good time. I heard somewhere that this could happen, but thought it was some strange urban myth. You know, like waking up in a bathtub of ice with a kidney gone or being able to think yourself thin.

Anyhoo, so we enjoyed each other's company. But I just couldn't get a read on his crazy. We met at a bar for drinks, and because you know how I like to have a plan I had arranged it so I had to leave the bar after two hours. That way if the night was a bust I had a sure out. And if was to go well then I could get out while the getting was good.

It went well. I think. There weren't many lags in conversation, and he was interesting and pleasant. We had some laughs, and at the end of the date we did the whole good bye kiss thing. I had a smile plastered on my face the whole way home and for the rest of the night. Because he seemed great, and the fact that it was so shocking for me to enjoy dating. Who knew? Maybe I can do more of this?

But how long will it take until the curtain comes down enough to know if I really like the guy? He asked me out to dinner next, so I guess we'll see soon enough. What will it be, I wonder. What will it be...

firefly love

As if we didn't love Mal (oops, I mean Nathan Fillion) enough...

Just read this and you know that the romance will never die.

*Sigh*

speed dating

So my friend and I totally didn't bail, we were strong like bull and lived up to our plans.

Unable to go to work that day I was still able to meet up with Spaghetti in the subway and we traveled to the locale itself. The event was planned in the downstairs lounge of a bar on the LES.

We walked in and found our way down the stairs to find a very nice space. Low-lit and comfortable, it was decorated with couches, tables, and stools lining the walls. There were lettered tents on tables to indicate the 'dating' locations. First thing to do of course was to get some drinks. Then we had to sign in with the meeting organizer, who gave us a nametag with our first name and dater number as well as a scorecard. The scorecard was like a brochure, one page folded in half having the interior consisting of 50 lines with 'Y', 'N' and a small space for notes.

As the room started to fill up we did mingle a little with one of the guests. A Russian who had been born in St Petersburg who has a passion for the Argentinean Tango. He was nice but...no. After a LONG fifteen minutes talking to this guy the host announced for us to take our seats so we could begin.

This is how it plays out: Each woman takes a spot and remains in that location throughout the evening. A gentleman then joins you and a discussion ensues for four minutes, at which time the host blows a whistle and the men all rotate counter-clockwise one spot over to meet with the next person. And as the changeover everyone frantically scribbles notes about the person they just met, trying to document as much info as possible while not losing time with the next candidate. Shorthand would have come in handy.

Okay, this was the moment I had been studying for. I had my code words and general questions; most especially I had my ‘do not talk’ points.

Which of course all TOTALLY went out of the window. The laundry list was pretty much played out with most - what do you do for a living, where do you live, where did you grow up, what do you do for fun...ARGH!! It kind of made sense, my rules are for general mingling so that you don't get stuck in a situation that you are miserable in forever. Couldn't get stuck here.

So how did it go? You know what? It was TOTALLY FUN. Not even kidding. We had a great time. I gotta be honest, that four minutes really worked! Sure, if you were in a good conversation (and yes, believe it or not there were some) then it was too soon, but by god there were some moments I was craving that whistle to blow.

Yep, there was creepy invade your personal space Imus looking guy. And the scary dude who would talk to me but not look me in the eye - until I mentioned my job and he got excited about the concept of printing too many books. (Nobody but nobody gets excited about inventory management) There was a token new jersey ‘Guido’. Also, I have to admit, there was a dude with a kick-ass lazy eye. So movies and TV do tell a bit of truth, there are some skeevy ones to watch out for.

But there were some good guys! Most were pleasant enough, and there were even men that we really liked!

Craziest thing about the setup is that you so quickly forgot everything that was discussed. Spags and I kept trying to recall where the Aussie worked and anything at all about older guy.

Even though I took some notes having met fourteen people in one night really put them in a pot and distilled them down to their essential essence. You forget the specifics but the impression and aura of the person remains. In an effort to remember anything/everything Spags and I caught some quick tapas and compared notes.

We each liked four guys; of course to make things tricky there were two that we both liked. Because of course they were the most charismatic men in the room. Most likely they were the big winners of the evening in general. Once identifying our choices the next step was to go home and sign onto the website to which the party was arranged from and log our picks.

Twenty-four hours later we got our results. Who liked us and who did we like? Of our four three liked each of us back - only one of our mutual picks choosing us both. What is really interesting is that of the gentlemen who chose us and we didn't return the favor; four of them were the same. Do they like what we have in common as friends or did they just choose almost every woman?

So now the really tough part starts. Actual dates. Lordy what have I started???

the conversationalist

The big day is upon us, tomorrow I voyage into the world of the speed dating.

*insert collective oohs and aahs here*

Supposedly I will meet ten to fifteen men for five minutes a pop. On one hand five minutes sounds like nothing (also known as a new york minute, natch) but in the company of the wrong person it is an ETERNITY.

So I have been working on my strategies.

Don't
bring up the weather (snore)
inquire about their job (potential landmine - could upset them or me)
ask what they do for fun (c'mon)
allow Disneyworld into the conversation
mention Sex in the City (typically NYC men hate that show for obvious reasons)

Do
use the letter game (first letter of name = predetermined word I have to work into sentence. e=energy for example)
ask how they got 'here' (litmus test - literal, figurative, or playful)
inquire 'how's life treating you?' (good indicator of positive/negative tendencies)
ask about his drink (I'm Irish for god's sake, I can talk about alcohol for hours)

Questionable
bring up flight attendant past (potential inspiration of unwanted lecherous behavior)
mention the upcoming holidays
the marathon

Run Screaming
any inquiry as to a 'top 5' list comes up
professional wrestling is in any way mentioned
the word 'taxidermy' is used in conversation
safe words are discussed (okay, maybe I am a little intrigued...put under questionable)

Or of course if I have no interest in the five minute date guy at all, there is always "tell me about your mother." At least that one will result in a really great story.

Strike that, more likely a really interesting story. Interesting for YOU. Dammit.

inspiration

So I've been watching a lot of star wars lately.

It's because of the Wii. When I got it I also acquired the Lego Star Wars game. Basically you get to enact all six of the movies, broken down into several parts. So far I completed Episode I and Episode II. (And yes it is way awesome!!)

Even though I grew up with the series, really I've only watched the movies a handful of times. We didn't have cable or a VCR growing up, so it wasn't on constant replay like it was for others. Now that I get to be Obi-Wan and Yoda it comes in handy to refresh myself of the plot. So I can anticipate fighting Darth Maul or Count Douku.

Today I caught Empire on cable. And you know what? You really can tell the difference between the Jim Henson effect on Yoda. CGI ain't got a thing on his mad skills with the puppet.

Even more interesting? Seriously whomever wrote the Degoba scenes was heavy into shrooms and weed. SERIOUSLY. We are luminescent beings? You only will find what you bring with you? There is try not, only do or do not?

As a lifelong Henson fan I'd like to think it was him doing the doobies and adding the dialogue. I also wonder - did republicans hate Empire? Being so touchy-feely and whatnot?

Or did they just focus on the warfare? Oh yeah, that's probably it. A little something for everyone. Heh.

something new

Guess what. I'm doing something new this week.

Speed dating.

I knew you would be stoked. Because you are DYING to know what it is like.

Wednesday night. Me and Spaghetti and ten to fifteen men between 35 and 45.

Curious?

oh funny

This just makes me laugh. A lot.

Powerthirst

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living the dream

There is a clothing company I love called Life is good. One of the cool things about them is their litany of mottos.

Currently they are sporting the ideal:

Do what you love,
Love what you do

Totally easier said than done. I mean, I love drinking, but don't want to do it for a living! And if I HAD to socialize to pay my rent, wouldn't it be a chore?

Then the question of hobbies comes up. Sure, I could go get a job at the Apple Store. But at 35 I can honestly say I don't want to stand on my feet all day earning $20/hr to work my way up to store manager. If I really wanted to work for the fabulous Mr. Jobs I could try for corporate, but my love for living in NYC beats me moving to California. (Although I did apply for an Ireland opening without a problem.)

What is interesting at this point in my life is the constant interior dialogue about how nice it is to have money. Over the last year I have finally for the first time in my life been able to afford all those things I have denied myself for years. Clothes, computer, video game, travel, and finally now furniture. Once I get a new couch and chair my big-ticket items are complete. Money will be a luxury for a while and I can afford a pay cut if I decide on a career change.

Unless I want to buy a home. Is the security of real estate worth staying at a job that I kind of like sometimes?

Do what you love.... love what you do. Something to ruminate on.

a star wars life

Literally I have grown up on star wars. The first movie was in the theatres when I was five, and of course I saw it then.

Over time the movies haven't changed, but I have. This I can tell you:

When I was a child I was in love with Luke

As I got older I fell in love with Han.

Now? Well now I am in love with the true hero of the saga.

R2.

tough times

You know it is a rough week when you wake up and the first thing you think is:

"Wow, I can't believe it is ONLY Thursday. Feels like it should be Friday."

Then realize today is actually Wednesday.

Ugh.

age differences

Every so often my friends and I toss around the concept of speed dating. The concept that we should try it, that is.

Last year I checked out Hurry Date to see what it had to offer. Some TV show gave it rave reviews. I liked that it broke out several categories to choose from.

For instance, men and women 25-35. Or women 30-40 and men 35-45. Or men ages 24-32 and women ages 21-29. They also have categories for Jewish singles and African-American singles.

Speed dating came up in conversation again a couple of weeks ago, and I promised the Jeweled Hornet that I would follow through on all the talk this time and actually get us signed up. So I went online.

And discovered a new category.

Hmmm, what could it be?

Wait for it...

Women 35-45 and men 25-34. Yep, younger men and cougars. Or almost cougars, whatever. Ironically I am SO OVER dating men in their twenties. I am all about seeing someone my age or older for once. Spaghetti perked right up at this new category when it came up in conversation though. Guess we know what session she'll be signing up for. :)

changes of life

About six weeks ago I re-discovered running. After bailing on the NY half I was burned out, so tired of the damn sport. Didn't have any interest in doing fartleks or hills or speed repeats. And hell no I didn't want to go on any long runs.

That only lasted for about three weeks. Then as my aerobic ability rapidly disappeared into thin air I decided to hit the gym for a quick jog. Just for my waist.

Seemed my abilities had not deteriorated as quickly as I thought, and the run was terrific! In fact, it was absolutely awesome. I remembered how much I just enjoyed running to run. So I just went crazy. Down time be damned I started running every day and did a loop of the park on the weekend.

What was that about not putting on too much distance too fast? Oh yeah...injury. Basically I totally screwed over my leg in a totally new way. It hurt from my hip down past my knee to the top of my calf. My Iliotibial band. It hurt to sit, it hurt to lay down, it hurt to squat. And actually do any bouncing move at all was a joke.

Argh! With the weather getting cooler not being able to go for a run has been a bit of torture. But after running once again too soon and backsliding a bit I am close to being recovered. So I am fortunate in that I will be able to take up the sport again soon. Albeit slowly and carefully putting on the miles.

The most expected side effect of my down time has been interesting. Yes, I gained seven pounds. *Sigh* But not on the same old standby locations of my hips or thighs or torso. Oh no, my body put it in ONE SELECT LOCATION.

Right below my belly button. Only on the front of my body. For a couple of days I was concerned that I had gone and sprung another hernia (I have been doing core work while not running) because the strange way my midriff felt. But after careful consideration of my abdominal wall I discovered that I hah, in fact, gained like a half inch layer to an inch layer of fat on my belly. The lower half of my front now has a whole new roll when I sit down.

WTF?? My body is becoming some kind of freak show. It totally is laughing at me. As we all know my body hates me. A new injury and a specialized layer of fat? God, can't wait for what it throws my way next.

On the bright side if anyone threw a punch at my gut I'd be insulated. Oh, and my intestines will definitely be warm enough this winter. At least until I can shake this damn layer. Will the weight come off my body in the same order it came on? Hope hope hope.

lofty ambitions

What is that thing where you volunteer abroad for a couple of years? You know, do good works to help the world and such? Doesn't that sound like a nice new direction for a rockstar to head in?

But would they let me take my macbook and iphone....hmmmmm.

Portland!!

The trip was awesome, we had a great time. I'm still trying to catch up on rest and get back to east coast time, but here are some pics to tide you over in the meantime.

If we are lucking my sis will get hers online soon too. :)

upper west

Going to Portland tonight. Oregon, not Maine. Everyone asks that distinction.

My cousin CC moved out there a year or so ago. It was one of those irresistible drives, she felt she had to move, that Portland was supposed to be her home.

So I'm going to the land of coffee and brew pubs for a long weekend with my sister. A much needed vacation. Next year I'll have a tad bit more vacation time, so I'll be able to go away once for A WHOLE WEEK from work. One can only dream.

original

Seriously, have you checked out Pushing Daisies yet??? It is brilliant!

The colors enchanting, the story charming, the actors alluring, the musical interludes (hello Kristin Chenoweth Tony award winner!!) thrilling, the writing delightful, the comedy endearing, and by god the voice over absolutely winsome.

Gee, can you tell I love this show? That and thesaurus.com.

not a very good year

First the Boston Marathon is almost cancelled because of freezing storm conditions, and then the Chicago Marathon IS actually called off due to heat?

Wow, crazy weather year. You know the Boston start had actually been moved up a couple of hours because of the trend of warmer days as of late. Then people are running with hypothermia.

Wonder what NY will be like this year...Kinda wish I was going to run it. Kinda glad I'm not though.

off-kilter

Like most jobs, mine is thankless. And no this is not a bitching post. Really.

For gods sake, I'm middle management. My employees demand more of me and dislike when I demand more of them. My bosses demand more...and demand more. As middle management you learn complaining is a self-centered exercise.

Don't get me wrong, people do on occasion say thank you. It goes like this:

Them: OMYGODOMYGOD THE WORLD IS FALLING

Me: Okay (my signature beginning statement thank you Spags), everything is okay. I can fix it by...

Work work work work work

Work work

Work

Them: Oh. Okay. Will this happen again?

Me: No, we put this new system into place which will add many more work hours to us, but don't you worry.

Them: Okay. Thanks.

C'est la vie.

I say thank you to my employees all the time. Thank you! That's great! Awesome! We're golden! As you all know I am an enthusiastic person. They don't remember that though. One stiff comment and yes I am the tough boss.

Middle management. Such is life. I took the frickin job, my problem.

Today I had a very awkward moment. Regular meeting where I do my tap-dance for the whole division. Have my prep work done and on hand; answer all questions that are put my way. Do what I do.

At the end of today’s meeting I stood up. (As you have to do in order to leave the room) Everyone who does not need to stay for the following meeting is clearing out. Second highest paid guy in the division then says:

“Rockstar, thank you for all your hard work”

Shocked for the actual call out I smiled and said an awkward “thank you.”

THEN

Sitting next to him, the highest paid guy in the division said

“Yes, Rockstar, thank you for all your hard work.”

Now I am COMPLETELY unsettled. I smile a little less and say thank you again.

Awkward…

Seriously, I almost walked out of the room backwards, afraid to turn my back should the axe fall.**

Now looking back I laugh at the fact that two people complimenting me on my job (which in case if you wondered I do work very hard at) threw me for such a loop. But for heaven's sake positive accolades come few and far between when you get to this point.

At least at this company. Last job? Heh, every day compliments and songs of praise. Each week was littered with "thank god for you" and "you are the best” Once a month at minimum I would get props and glowing praise from some form of a higher up.

So what does that say about me that I left such a Rockstar-friendly company for one that I get beaten down so hard that a grain of sugar puts me into diabetic shock? (Or the company in which they were that desperate to give one person such accolades at such a rate?)

Guess we'll find out over the next couple of months.

**Do keep in mind that with recent CEO changeovers many things (jobs) are unsettled

signs

What does it mean if you break every single one of your favorite drinking glasses within one month?

I had five. They were special. One was with me for twelve years.

It took me like five years to break that many glasses in the past.

Okay, maybe three years.

But what does it mean???

born a geek

Always a geek. Yes, I just spent like twenty minutes watching this. And loved every second of it.

If that wasn't enough?

reacting

Rage. Anger.

I don't remember how to react to these feelings. Did I ever really experience them? Or were they clouded by so many other emotions that were going on at the time? All that time in the mosh pits I remember, but as a release not as a desperate outlet.

Lately I have been short-tempered, and I don't know why. Throughout my life I have been so even keeled. For some reason I tended to take things in stride, just move on.

Maybe in the past I always blamed myself in some small way. Expected the universe to pound on me, thus acceptance of what may come.

Now maybe I believe for once that I deserve more. That I paid my dues or just have earned something better. So when I get more of the same...I feel frustrated.

Angry.

But anger hurts others more than it hurts you. It magnifies as it leaves your orbit. That is what makes it so hard, the fact that in the moment all you want to do is release, explode. Yet that very explosion causes exponential damage to those around you.

Why have I been so rageful lately? Too young for menopause, maybe time to make some changes in life again?

good cheese

Know what I saw tonight?



Oh hells yeah. And it was great! Totally didn't take itself seriously at all. Hysterical. The play laughed at itself, at us...and at the 80's.

The cast was terrific too. Seriously, I have not laughed this much at a play since Avenue Q.

Who doesn't love ribbon barrettes, leg warmers, disco balls, and roller skates??!!?? Sweet.

secrets of life

When I used to read tarot cards on a regular basis there was this one position in the layout that I would read:

"This card represents your greatest hope, but also your greatest fear. Because what you want the most in life is also the thing that terrifies you most to receive."

So, so true. Nothing is more terrifying than getting what you want.

And when you are a rockstar? Heh, you spend time with your crush over the weekend...and talk to everyone but him. Because why actually charm someone you want to win over when you can charm those whose admiration you have already gained?

Seriously, now it is just getting stupid. Could I just make some small talk already? Even a "nice weather today" would be an improvement.

Argh.

overkill

Okay, so maybe I'm a little addicted to buying my iPhone ring tones. The beauty is you design exactly what part of the song to use, how long the segment is, and how it does or doesn't fade in or out.

Errr, I have just purchased like fifteen ringers. Seriously, you dear reader may have called me once in the past two years but if I saw something that reminded me of you...yep, you are personalized.

The funny thing is in order to buy the ring tone you have to purchase the song first. So I now own all kinds of songs that previously I never would have thought about owning. Ever. Stupid apple, I hate them for being so good at taking my money. Dammit.

genes

All my life people have said I look EXACTLY like my mom.

Until Thighs (one of two NYC friends who met her) said "Rockstar's mom looks just like her. But thin with no facial expressions."

Dead on. So my sis sent me a pic from her wedding of Thighs speaking to the parental units..


I never realized I was so short....

party. of the century.

Just about ten minutes ago I recieved an email from a relation. "Euoropean vacation - Cousin style" was the concept.

Oh, I don't think you understand.

My sister and I are the slow ones of the social family. We only caught on late in the game. It is like in the MIT world of fun skills, we are in the C grade range. Yes, I have a social group to which my social skills are only but average.

Pause and collect.

So when my cousins want to arrange a trip for all of us?

Over twenty irish cousins? (With marrieds is that over 40?)

Heh heh heh.

HEH HEH HEH.

Just imagine --- I'm one of the shy ones. Really. Dude, this is going to be good.

Really, I can't say how stoked I really am.

BEST. VACATION. EVER.

sweet relief!

Aaaaah...there was this really annoying bug with the iphone. If I left my earbuds plugged in when not using I would never hear the phone ringing because it only played over the buds, not the speaker.

Fixed!!

And they hooked up the music ringers too.

So now if they would just let me text more than one person at a time I'd be set. So close.

mystery, brain cells

Anyone crave a little mystery in their lives?

I received contact recently from the Mongo, land of all things fun in my 20's, in the form of a myspace entity. There seems to be a potential reunion approaching. Thus someone has used myspace to find some of us.

As part of this effort, I have been receiving messages from a past coworker who is anonymous on myspace. Here is the intro:


No, this isn't a letter telling you how cute that you are to try and recieve sexual favors, And no, I do not wish to refinance your house either. But years ago, while we both worked at the mongo, I would have loved to try and steal a smooch. HA HA HA!!! I hope that your life is fabulous, amazing, and chalk full of the finest sex! Been a long time..........

Okay, inconspicuous enough. This kind of thing happens online in the network world. So I respond:

The funny thing about your myspace page is I have no idea who you are. Which of course leaves me with no context to reply but:
I have good email that blocks weird advances for sexual favors. (but only weird ones)
To refinance a house you have to own one. NYC? Not so much.
Life is always fabulous and amazing for me, but goddamn I always have been one of those positive people so did you expect less?
Finest sex comes and goes (if I spelled that a little differently I'd be so witty) depending on the scene...

I hope this satisfies some of your curiosity.

here's hoping you get just enough of what you are looking for to make you happy - just enough because to get everything you want is always a curse. :)


I was going for nice to hear from you, peace yo. Not like that has EVER been my forte. Then I get back

Yes, but if you knew exactly who I was, would that not take all of the fun out of the game? We had a fun work relationship, filled with laughs and smiles, but then again, most of the people working at that time had the same with one another..... it seems that that hint was headed toward a very open field. It is a pleasure to see that your sence of humor has gotten even more sarcastic and beautiful. no idea???

My intention was not to turn this into some sort of game, yet to say hello to someone whos company I truely did enjoy. But remembering your personality, it is tempting to perpetuate this act of drama ( no not the drag queen disco type).

The choice, my friend, is up to you. Want to play? Or wish to know. With that said, I bow my head and hand the ball to you.
ta-ta

Damn gauntlet. Damn, damn damn gauntlet.

So now I have to figure this out. Of all the people I worked with at this place over four years, who is it???

Don't get me wrong, love the challenge. Love it. Hate it. Argh.

fresh

You know, sometimes I forget how much fun it is to spend time with new people. Tonight I went to a bar with some peeps from work. We know each other through polite conversation, the friendly meeting type interactions.

But spending time outside of the office? Not so much.

Over the past three years my evenings have been consumed with training. Two years for the marathon, the balance for the half. This made me very economical about my time. If there were minutes left in the week they were to be spent catching up with the established friends. I owe the people I care about my time. That is the way it works.

So now here I am not on any race program, not running at all thank you to an injury. By god it is time I went out for laughs with any non-regulars.

We went to Rudy's, always a great place. No pretension, and plenty of hot dogs. And by god we laughed a lot. It was so much fun!

There is something to be said for getting to know new people. I think I'm going to work on that some more. How did I ever forget in the first place? When did the comfort of familiar friends replace the joy in discovering new ones?

Do people normally cap off at a certain point with friends? They make all the buddies they will by a certain age, and who they keep in touch with they keep in touch with? Does everyone always shift alliances and meet more people expanding groups, eventually making new ones?

Or maybe as people couple off and get serious-like with marriage and kids they don't have as much time or interest for the casual life, causing me in my resplendent singledom to expand my social horizons. They move on and I move out.

Yeah, I think that may be it.

seasons

God I love the fall. Love it love it love it. All of a sudden I have all this energy, this drive. Too bad my leg is a mess, I can't pour out the overflow into running.

But by bejessus I can clean. And shop. And surf the web.

Check this out - what a kick ass cast! Too bad the last scene of the trailer kind of reminds me of that Mary Stuart Masterson movie Immediate Family. But then I'll forgive it because of the director...

growing pains

The weather this weekend was absolutely gorgeous. Sunny, high sixties. With weather like that there was no way I could resist running in central park. It is after all one of my most favorite things to do here in the city. Doing so for me ties together the majesty of what this metropolis is about. The skyline, the diversity of people, how at the center of this cement and metal living thing we could just hold a little bit of fresh air.

Today I paid for it. Limped around the house. See, after the sad, sad attempt to run the NYC half a while ago I took some time off from my favorite hobby. But by god I missed it. So I've been picking it back up over the last couple of weeks.

It has felt great. Amazing. Once having burned myself out with all the training for the half I had forgotten the sense of joy I feel with the sport. And so what do I do? Run too many miles. Overindulge in something I had forgotten I even missed. And hurt myself.

Iliotibial band syndrome. The muscle from my hip down the outside of my thigh, wrapping around my knee to the top of my calf. Swollen and painful, not letting me bend my knee or lift my leg. Ouch.

The run yesterday felt so great too. I was in terrific form, moving like the wind. I felt free, alive. Now this.

How is it that I have fallen in love with a sport that innately hurts you? Read any runners magazine, blog, or website and the number one topic is injury. Prevention and recovery. How can we beat ourselves up to improve without breaking. After all, that is what training does, tears muscle fibers so they heal over. Making us stronger. Faster.

Isn't that just what we do in life? We get hurt over and over again as such so that part of us which is vulnerable scars over and is no longer as susceptible to pain or injury. So we are able to work through the past and are better able to enjoy our future.

The key to all of this is twofold. First of all after activity you need time to heal, recover. If you don't let those tears in your fiber scar over you won't be getting any stronger, just will be doing more damage and tearing deeper and longer at an open wound.

Secondly, don't push too hard and tear so much that you cannot heal, causing permanent damage. So hard that you handicap yourself.

So I have to remember to follow these rules. To navigate this path to learn from my past mistakes and allow myself to benefit from them. It would be tragic to lose my runs in central park instead of going faster and reveling in them.

sweet relief

As heartbreaking as it was to discover that Collins Bar was closed, I have found comfort in another locale. St. Andrews bar on 44th between 6th and 7th. Yes, the bartenders wear kilts. That is a strong selling point. But just wait until Thighs sees this...

That with the kitchen open late night and the 75% male clientele?

Whew! Another midtown sanctuary.

perceptions

If you were to ask me what my type was, I couldn't answer.

Not because I lack introspection or can't recognize a good thing when I see it. Quite the opposite. I see too many of the good things, which in many ways defies the idea of a 'type'. My range is far too wide to easily define.

For example, in the past I have felt the lust a-burnin for vin disel in pitch black. You know, the whole self-sacrificing warrior type thing. Like, say...Malcom Reynolds. Of Firefly/Serenity. Yummy.

Today? Someone says in my presence "I have a direct line to Stphen Hawking" and I am sold. Putty in his hands. Immediately.

Wait...you don't think that is hot? C'mon. To have the ability to call at any given time one of the most brilliant minds in our life span? And then they know who you are???

Too geeky hot. But I'm still totally into it. Oh, the nerd love...

blabber

Repeatedly I am shocked to find that people remember what I say.

Okay, that sounds weird. What I mean is for some reason after I speak I completely disregard my own words. Forget what I said, what I was trying to convey. And to be totally honest, when people talk to me I remember the general idea of what they are communicating, but am only able to paraphrase. Never can I repeat anything word for word.

It is a weird trait to have. Every now and then people will come back to me and say something like "Thanks for the advice" or "You were totally right about what you said to me that night."

My response? "I gave you advice? What did I say?" or "What the hell did I tell you?

At that point they refresh my memory "You told me to shut up in meetings" or "You told me he would make a pass at me in the next three months and he did” And it all comes flooding back. If people don't remind me later, I utterly forget what I tell them.

But what I find amazing is that there are so many people out there who remember what I say and take it to heart. It humbles me, because I really should be careful about what I say off the cuff. Or at least I make sure they know that it is theory or opinion, not fact.

My favorite example was from a long, long time ago. I was working in Michigan at the Mongo, and I had this customer that looked exceptionally familiar. We both recognized each other, but could not place from where.

After some back and forth, we realized that he had been a pilot that I had worked with one time a year and a half prior when I was a flight attendant. Such relief to remember where our acquaintance was from!

That is when it got funny. When he pointed out our history he then quickly gestured at his shoes and said, "I remember you!! You told me that you could tell everything about a guy by looking at his shoes! That if I ever wanted to impress a girl to make sure my shoes were neat and kept up. Look! Look!" He said, pointing again at his feet, "Now I always make sure that my shoes are presentable! You were right!"

Okay, you know how many times I have given out that advice? Really?

ONCE. To this guy. And he totally took it as gospel.

I am so full of shit. When I was doing it I was pulling some kind of I know it all crap. His shoes were scuffed and whatnot so I 'predicted' that he was slovenly at home, didn't take care of his things, was lazy etc. Because I read that all from his footwear.

Right. The fact that we were in a plane that seats 26 passengers, two pilots, and one flight attendant for three days didn't give me any insight at all. It was the shoes.

One thing I have been working on (and hopefully succeeding) is giving serious advice when drunk. Because then I get too heavy. So maybe I should just stick to advice on footwear. Helps the economy after all.

kryptonite

Everyone has weaknesses. Some dread them, but I herald mine.

If you know me, you are aware that I love a challenge. Tell me I can't do something...and by god I will exhaust every resource in my power to prove you wrong.

Tell me you know for sure that I will do something...and hells bells I won't touch it with a ten foot stick.

So if you really want me to go somewhere, participate in some act, or confront a challenge - act like I won't. If you do it well I won't catch on and I'm putty in your hands.

and by the way, I have no idea where the hell this trait came from

salve

Since the announcement that the 8GB iphone was going down in price $200, a few people have asked my reaction. Yes, it was annoying. That is a lot of money for the bragging rights for three months.

But it seems that Steve Jobs got an earful. Enough to give us a $100 store credit.

Seems pretty fair. Smart move apple.

fantasy

Honestly I don't know if other people do this, but I have many awesome fantasy lives. I read a lot, so that helps supplement the interior drama life some. But when that doesn't satisfy the itch, I bring my own imagination into play.

About four months ago I remembered this one guy I new. Once upon a time. He was hot. And deep. I thought he liked me. Maybe. So at that point of time in my life I was reading tarot cards. They gave me much direction in my life, and also acted as a stimulant in social situations where I felt insecure.

This guy was also interested in the tarot. But when I offered to read his cards at a party when I was reading others he turned me down. Because to read them would be too personal for that setting.

As a friend, I called him a couple of days later to set up his own personal reading. I won't lie here - I thought he might be interested and this was the icebreaker. Knowing that I made the call. But when he answered, he turned me down.

Huh.

Guess he wasn't interested after all. I mean, here I was. Calling him asking to be alone with him. He turns me down. Done. No excuse, no reschedule. Must have misread the situation.

Here I am many years later, and for some reason I started to think about him again. In fantasy form. What are the odds that we end up getting in contact again soon?

You tell me.

you can't make this up

My job is to make sure we have just enough books to sell. But not too many. Because god knows I can predict what four year old children will want to buy over the next six months. Who doesn't?

That is the basic job. But really I am a traffic cop. Look for problems, move slow traffic to the side of the road, make sure all the breakdowns get towed to the appropriate garage.

Today? We got a complaint from a customer (being a chain of booksellers) that a carton of books was received that smelled badly, like petroleum products.

So as part of my job, I had to email a guy to walk into a building the size of a football stadium to go smell about 120 cartons of books.

Smell them.

As ridiculous as I felt in asking, what warms the heart was his reply.

"A spot check was performed and all the stock smelled wonderful!!!"

Dude. I do not tire of telling this story. I had to ask someone to go smell books. As part of their (and my) daily job.

Awesome.



On a side note, for all of my ruminations about my employees, of course they performed in ultra stellar mode today. Which was a pleasant relief. The key I think to surviving this holiday season will be me delegating appropriately, and not assuming too much of myself and too little of them. Game on.

ice, ice baby

Over our Jersey Shore weekend Spaghetti ruminated about a Times article she had read singing the praises of cold brewed coffee. Supposedly the nectar of gods, far superior to the regular brew just tossed over some ice.

With a little research I came across the recipe. Simply add grounds and ice water to a container. Stir. Leave overnight. Next morning filter out the grounds, and mix one part water to one part cold brewed coffee.

Simple as pie. But me? Ha. "Why dilute with water?" I scoff to myself.

So by god I drank my jumbo mug full of the straight stuff. And it was DELICIOUS. Very tasty. The cold brewing really brought out all the subtle flavors that you don't get with a hot cuppa joe.

Oh, but then the caffeine.

Heh.

ROCKET FUEL. I did not stop moving at lightning speed until 3:30. My coworkers were afraid of me. (Really, they were.) I was a force not to be reckoned with.

Which came in damn handy today to tell you the truth. First of all, the CEO of my company retired today. Not too much of a surprise, but oh the drama.

Sure they named his successor. But at the last gig I saw what happens when a changeover at this level happens. It tends to be the aftershocks that will getcha. A successor is named, and some juggling is done to replace or restructure whatever gap needs to be filled. But the real question that sits on everyone's lips concerns the loyalties.

In my experience I have seen people with over 20 years at a company get tossed out of the door head over feet because of the political ‘favorites’ game. This is the time when you see how battle lines that are drawn over time really come to fruition. Because at a certain pay grade job performance is more a matter of opinion than measurability.

So the extra legal drug was an aid in the drama. But also, by god, there have been a lot of fires to put out as of late. The last two nights I was at work until seven, tonight until nine. Don't ask how many hours my employees worked. Because I might twitch.

Therein lies the ethical question. How hard do you work, and why?

I work hard because I identify myself with my job. If my job is not in order, my responsibilities not handled well, I consider myself a failure. Therefore I have to stay until I know everything is taken care of that needs to be because I refuse the concept that I could not succeed.

To do my job well I must make sure all issues that need action have been moved upon or reminded to the person lacking response by me. The regular duties must of course be maintained, minimum daily and weekly tasks. My boss must not be in need of my assistance. I can't tell you how many times at the mighty bird I would try to help Seattle Jane or Brown Sugar. Not that they would give me much, but at the very least if they were overworked I was taking on every extra thing I could to get them out from under their load.

So of course I can't expect my employees to try as hard or be as intuitive as me. But if there is anything I have learned it is that I need to delegate more. And maybe explain exactly how I measure their basic levels of success. Because a lot of the extra work has been compensating for where they did not act as they should.

So even though this week looks like it, I don't plan on repeating my same work patterns as last year. Putting in sixty to seventy hours while the people under me feel overworked at forty-five.

Now how the hell do I explain that to them?? Crap. Having employees sucks.

But at least I know do dilute my damn coffee before I have a talk with any of them. Could you just imagine me on an illegal drug? Yeah. No.

superslither

This is too funny - the second half is what kills. Dude.

just awesome

If you Google my name I am actually the first result to come up.

For years it has been pages upon pages of long dead women, genealogy studies with women sharing my name who died over 100 years ago.

Hooray! I'm number one!! A dream come true for a techie like me!!

the shore

Just looking at me you can tell I am not a beach person. But I'll tell you what. You put me, Spaghetti, and Thighs together with the 'Seaside' Jersey Shore and by god, I'm converted.

Now, you have to understand. We have a routine.

The rental car is picked up. We drive down, stop at the grocery store. Buy the same ten items. Then stop for booze. Maybe dinner.

We drink, talk, sleep. Wake up.

And prep for the beach. The cooler is packed with fruit, sun chips, ice tea, water, and maybe a snack bar. Someone puts the beach chairs and umbrellas in the trunk. We lotion up and pack up. On the way to the beach we stop for a sub. Cut into three pieces. Of course.

We go to the beach, find a spot. Set out the towels, put up the umbrellas. Space out the chairs. Then do our thing.

There may be talking for an hour or two. Conversations about the trashy magazines we brought along and random publicity gossip. Catch up on the drama in our lives that takes a little more comfort to unsurface. Then silence. Relaxation. Acceptance of each other and ourselves.

More often than not we are too beat from the beach than to do more than have dinner somewhere nice and then drink on the porch of the house the second night. Not that it is a cop out. Quite the opposite. We are interesting people, time spent together is always fruitful.

Honestly, I started this post to tell you a funny story about something that happened this past weekend because we did a little something that broke the mold.

But you know what? I'll save that for later. For now I'll just rejoice in the splendor of relaxing times spent with my good friends on the edge of the Atlantic.

Because I'm not a beach person. But I am a Toms River Beach House girl.

iphone for all

You thought the iphone couldn't do everything?

Ohh, yeah. Oh yes, yes it can.

Bwa ha ha ha ha ha.

net worth

Recently I was blown away by the article in the NY Times stating that in a couple of major cities such as New York women in their twenties are making more than men of the same age.

Although women's earnings still lag behind throughout the great majority of the country, in some big cities people of the female gender are kicking ass and taking names.

Many reasons are discussed upon to give cause. More than 50% of the population graduating from college are female, women are more likely to move to NYC to make it big, etc etc.

Sure the statistics are heartening, even though I wonder about what happens after childbirth and the glass ceiling. What really caught my ear was a point that came up on NPR because of this article.

Reverse Cinderella syndrome. Let's think about romantic comedies. I'm telling you, 90% have the woman as a super-successful career woman who just is lacking...something. The guy? Most likely well-meaning bumbling idiot. Who although not fiscally responsible will add that missing bit of heart and life into the woman's current meaningless and empty existence.

Okay, not really a bad twist perse. I like the strong woman themes, dig on the total ability of the heroine to build a strong independent life. But why does the guy have to be a loser? C'mon, we are ALL bumbling idiots. Can't I find a bumbling idiot who is in the same successful* category as me?

*(Successful very loosely defined as being able to earn a steady living therefore supporting one's own rent and lifestyle, also having pride in what he does. Seriously, I've done it since the age of 20 for gods sake.)

It really amazes me how quickly our culture has shifted. Is it a backlash? Or an offshoot from Sex in the City culture? Or maybe just the new reality that women in our generation look down on being financially dependent and therefore this is the last relief we can truly have? Someone to help us relax?

Dunno. But as always I'm not fitting any stereotypes so whatever. Sure I'm making money, but hell I'm crazy fun. How can you live a Cinderella story if you are really good at saving yourself before you ever get into any trouble?

Crap. Stupid romances.

solidarity

Yep.

grass roots

Tyler Perry is someone I really admire. I finally submitted and watched Daddy's Little Girls.

Twice.

Dammit, I loved every minute. But not just because of the story, but because of what this Mr. Perry does.

First of all, his complete library of books and movies speak to a positive lifestyle. Resounding of community and personal responsibility with the honest to goodness belief that right always will beat might. Even when odds are overwhelmingly against you, if you stay true to the powers of good then you will be rewarded. But you have to hold out when everything is at its darkest. And you will always be tested, always. So true to life. And true to my innermost belief that goodness does win when given a chance.

Secondly, he works friggin' hard. This man is constantly writing, producing plays, filming, and touring. To top it off he has an open distro list to which he sends letters. Just to keep his fans appraised of his goings ons and to give positive messages. Such a constant outpouring of creativity, and what seems like a bottomless well of generosity to which he gives everything that he can to his fans. Wow.

Finally, he believes in what he does so much that he just sinks all of his money into it. He spends his own cash to make plays, films, and TV shows. Everything he makes goes right back into getting his message out there because this guy believes it is right.

Yes, he is only a man, he is human. But aren't all superheroes? Or at least most (for those geeks paying attention.) So I give this guy mad props. Because so few people follow their beliefs to this extent. Especially once they have achieved a certain amount of fame or money, or are part of the media machine.

So I guess now I'll just have to netflix Madea's Family Reunion. (By the way the fact the man is totally cool appearing in TV and movies in drag add to his way coolness level too) Oh, and I totally can't wait for Why Did I Get Married? More Tyler, and damn such a kick-ass cast!

Love this guy.

lookee

Two friends got their pics in the Times!! They are two of the lovely ladies at the table. La La La is face front and Bacon is in pink on the left.

How cosmopolitain they are...

wait!

When did this happen? And why? And where did all the beer go? It needs a home...

recommended

Netflix is always trying to recommend movies to me. So once and a while I let them do so. Go in blind, with trust.

So I let them send me Dhoom:2. Never saw the first one, but whatever.

It is an action flick. Intro scene involves the theft of crown jewels. From a moving train. So we are talking mission-impossible type scene. Parachute to the moving train, disguise, then of course snowboard/sandboard off the back of the train. Intense action, neat.

But then this happens...



Did you watch? You can't keep reading if you didn't. Because I sat there with my mouth hanging open.

I know, I know, this is bollywood. And they have the whole singing and dancing thing going on. But seriously, just stop and try to picture Tom Cruise, Toby Macguire, Bruce Willis, or even Shia LeBoeuf in that scene???

On the other hand, this actor is H-O-T hot. Dude, he can dance! And those abs. And pecs.

Final thing to note - there was an intermission to the movie. Because when you add in FIVE (count them, five) dance numbers movies become two and a half hours long. At least.

Sure, I enjoyed it overall. But just having a hard time adjusting to the song and dance breaks. Dude. C'mon.

rediscoveries

Last night I went to a Mets game with a social outing from work.

Dude, it was so much fun! Seriously, these are some incredibly awesome people. And a baseball game pretty much is always a good time. Especially when the home team wins.

This game was blind luck. Or fate. We got an email saying we could buy tickets for a game, one per person. You didn't know who else would go, if you would know anyone. So I signed up. Because I trust in my innate ability to talk. To a wall, if need be.

When the list of takers came out I knew about one third, 15 or so people. Even better? A few that I have had drinks with before.

In case you all didn't know...You have drinks with me, you are a friend for life. An acquaintance is someone I haven't had a drink with yet. It really is that simple.

So I knew I would have a good time no matter what, these peeps were fun. And maybe I'd meet a couple more fun types.

Who knew it would be a bad travel day? Or a kabillion degrees out? All the same my 15 was reduced to 6. And maybe I took a few pics. Oh, good times.

On another note, I am totally still enamored with my crush. I have to admit something, he totally is single. I lied. I was worried someone might say I'm a pussy for not making a move. Because I totally am.

Seriously, this guy is still around. Dammit, if this guy walked up to me and winked in just the right way I swear to god I would jump him in public. Because I don't know if you are aware, but sometimes I can be really impulsive.

Shy about flirting. But aggressive sexually. Yeah, ironically a good combination.

My parents must pray a lot. A lot lot.

Oh!!! I almost forgot! I got a new joke!!!!!

Are you ready?

I hope you are, because if you know me then you will hear this A LOT over the next few years. (forgive me)

Ready?

What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's funeral?

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nothing

*I know you are groaning now. but you love it.*

incomplete

I've never dropped out of a race before. But I just couldn't do it. After mile 4 I was sick and if I was feeling that off that early in the race? Talk about torture.

It isn't so much the fact that I didn't finish that bothers me as the owning up to it. All the people who will be asking me over the next week how I did. Why is it so hart to admit to a weakness?

The funny thing is I can't decide what to do with the race bib. I'm thinking of putting it on my fridge to keep me humble. A little humility never hurt anyone.

halos

Being good is boring.

It has been two weeks since I had a drop of alcohol. I'm dying here. And watching a kazillion episodes of Rescue Me has not been helping.

Tomorrow is the half marathon, and I am paranoid as hell about it. I know I can go the distance, but holy jesus on the cross it is going to be hot, humid, and sunny. Oh, and I have to be at the park by 6 am. Yes, that would be SIX IN THE MOTHER FUCKING MORNGING.

You all know me, I'm as positive as they come. But this is going to be a bitch.

So I'm doing everything in my power to make sure I'm as hydrated as possible. I'm skipping a sure to be kick ass engagement party (Yay Meg Kakfel and Mr Meg Kafel!!) because it starts at 7:30 and I'm afraid I'll stay out too late or be tempted to eat or drink something that will surely be my downfall.

Would it be wrong to finish the race and then immediately walk into a bar and order a shot of whiskey? Oh, but bars can't serve alcohol until noon on sundays and I'll be done running around 9:30 or so.

Ugh, so here I am eating healthy all week and especially today. Counting down the hours until I can party like a rockstar again. This is it people, I'm done with distance running for a while. A few 5K's and 10K's maybe, to keep my speed up. But I'm ready to start having some adventures again.

All the training and long runs have been really taking too much of my time and energy. My social life has been weak. Enough is enough, I'm bored with it already.

No more ms goody two shoes. Rockstar is ready to play.

where's the fire?

So I went and got myself hooked on that damn damn Denis Leary show Rescue Me in true rockstar fashion.

Which means I netflixed the first three seasons and have watched them pretty much straight thru. Or at least as fast as they mail them back to me.

Dammit, I didn't want to like the show because Leary is such a jerk. But his huge maligned personality actually really works well with the show.

Honestly the characters are great and the story lines take brilliant unforeseen turns. They really know how to throw some punches. Figuratively of course, punches thrown in the actual episodes are acting after all.

One thing I find interesting is that as much as I'm loving this series I don't really relate to any of the characters. Even more sup rising, as hunky and brave and sexy as these guys are on T.V. I don't find myself really attracted to them. Just goes to show jocks really aren't my type I suppose.

And yes, because I have exactly that kind of insanity watching so many episodes so quickly and immersing myself in their 'lives' means I did consider the idea of going into the fire department myself.

It only took me 30 seconds to realize that sure as heck wasn't going to happen. No upper body strength here people! NONE AT ALL. Seriously, the last time I went on a strength kick working the weights and all for weeks I tried arm-wrestling with Thighs who hasn't breathed near a gym in three years and she just wiped the floor with my sorry weak ass. So no heroics for me.

You would think though I'd be into at least one character though? Guess I understand now how some guys could never really get into Sex in the City. Different strokes.

Luckily for me I won't have to get cable to watch season four that is playing now. It just became available in itunes. Oh apple, you treat me so well....

wanderlust

It's been almost three years for me in this apartment, and I've been itching to make a move.

For the size and location of my apartment I have a really great deal. I know this. It has enough space for my stuff and for guests to stay the night. It is close enough to work that I walk every day. (LOVE THIS) There are tons and tons of bars and restaurants right off my front stoop. Merely a fifteen minute walk to Central Park, my running path of choice.

Of course there are some things I am not a fan of. Like having to walk up the stairs to the fifth floor. Not having packages delivered to my apartment because there is no one to sign for them. Having no laundry in the building so I drop it off with a wash n fold place.

All of these things that I complain of are totally normal, everyday compromises that come from New York living. Not really bitchin, just taking stock

So the question comes up - my next move, do I continue to rent or make the big move of buying a place? Having equity. Ooooooh responsible investing.

The really interesting thing is that I started to write this post last week. And today, for the first time since I moved here, I got notice of my rent increasing. Not by much, only $100 a month. Not bad since I lived increase-free for the last three years. Nice timing.

Honestly, to buy a place at this time I would have to leave the borough of Manhattan. God, even the idea of financial security can't pull me away at this point. Guess I'll have to start bucking up for those broker and moving fees for another rental.

Anyone know of any good one-bedroom apts on the west side opening up? I'd really like an elevator this time around...

stupid sephora

Sephora got me sick. Or at least playing with all the pretty pretty makeup did.

I actually had to leave work early Thursday because of it. Do you know what it takes for me to leave work early? Near death.

Or extreme nausea.

Thursday I woke up with a killer cold, but that I can power thru with a little medication. But around 10:15, in the middle of a meeting, it started to hit.

You know that nausea where you feel the gurgle and then you break out into a cold sweat? Oh yeah. Luckily I didn't have too much to add in this gathering so I was able to practice deep breaths and concentration to keep myself in check.

Next meeting I had to run, so I found my sweet relief with some sprite. Sprite, the nectar of gods to anti-blowing chunks.

Unfortunately the nectar's abilities were short lived. Around noon I was under my desk hoping that a quick lay down would calm down the rumblings.

Not so much.

So I had to bail. Get myself home to the sanctity of my apartment to avoid any public, er, eruptions.

Two and a half days of drugs and sleep later I feel back up to par. But now I'm worried about my half marathon this week. I was really stressed and busy last week so didn't run at all, which is bad-bad-bad. Not running for a whole week worries me. Can I even do the damn thing?

Seriously, I'm considering not doing it if the temperature is going to be above 80. Because why put myself through that? I don't have anything to prove. And the not running for a week thing really worries me too.

We'll see. Decisions decisions.

love and loss

Finished it! Loved it! I laughed, I cried (about once every third chapter), I was enthralled.

But now there is such a sense of loss. I mean, it is all over now isn't it? Seventh and final book. Story arc has come to an end.

Whenever I do this, read a book so quickly because it is so good I just can't put it down, I always ask myself once it is done, "Why didn't I read it slower? Savor it?"

To no avail. When I a story it I immerse myself in it. Something like this of course is a bit special, because I was terrified of spoilers. For frickity sake I work in children's book publishing. Multiply usual spoiler issues by fifty.

So after the joy of the story comes the mourning that it is over.

Now what do I do? Cleaning my apartment seems so mundane after living the last 24 or so hours in Potter world. *Sigh*

temptation

It has been so very, very hard not to read the spoilers about the new Harry Potter.

Against all odds, all of my natural instincts, I have resisted.

Best news ever? I don't have to travel as far as I thought to get my book. Seems the Virgin Mega Store in Times Square will be open until 1am selling the book. Forget me walking half a mile to Columbus Circle.

No worries, I won't spoil it for you all. The real question is...will I finish this in less time than the last?

Does not matter. You know why?

Like life, it is the path you take that fulfills, not the destination. Bring it.

thrill-a-minute

Do you know what I just did to put a little adventure in my day? The idea that got me smiling and giddy, just to test something out and try something new?

Adventure taker that I am...

I went and got a SECOND cup of coffee to drink in a row. And I'm not even tired. Just doing it to see how much fun my job is on extra caffeine.

LIVING. ON. THE EDGE.

irony

I am a big frickity-frackity chicken. Over the last week and a half I have been emailing a guy from match. His profile is great, he's cute, the whole nine. But then it comes to phone time.

*freeze*

What, me talk on the phone? Work without visual stimuli to aid in my response? Ugh, I hate it. I prefer email that has NO visual cues or in person which is entirely reaction-based.

So here I am, stymie-ing this (seemingly) great guy because I can't quite get across how much of a phone talker I am not. Seriously, when I have tried to explain thus far he just says give him my number and he'll call. Which for ANYONE else would totally make sense, because NORMAL people only worry about first contact.

Not that I aspire to be normal, but in online dating the whole phone step is kind of necessary.

(Here is where I admit this is maybe the fourth time in the last couple I have gotten this far and then...*crickets*)

But I like this one a little better than the others. So I'm going to just see if we can skip to the meeting part. Is that wrong, to make someone have to change a pattern to deal with a quirk? Or is that the most honest up front thing you can do?

In case you don't get the irony - you didn't know that I just spent a kajillion dollars on this fancy new iphone (Mookie) which I love for every other but its main use.

testosterone

One of my favorite episodes of This American Life is the one about testosterone. Really, it is just brilliant. My favorite bit is when the staff ends up testing their levels of the hormone. So entertaining, but more importantly enlightening. Makes you look at people in a whole new way, as in how much of who we are and what we do comes down to the secretion of a gland or two?

Today I finished reading The Sun Also Rises by Hemmingway and then watched Fletch and Fight Club.

Honestly, I only really get Fight Club. It is smart and has a brilliant twist. And Edward Norton is an amazing actor. I would totally do him over Brad Pitt. If I had a choice. Because that is SO likely. But I digress.

Back to today’s events - I kind of get Hemmingway.

Okay, not really. I have tried reading his short stories about hunting and bull fighting. They just don't seem all that interesting. The Old Man and the Sea was good. I think. As a really in depth metaphor.

As for Fletch? Frankly my dear I didn't give a frick. It didn't strike me as so funny. Maybe because I'm twenty years out of context or have never really had a problem not recognizing the quotes.

I write about this because it kind of ticks me off. It bothers me that I can't get that perspective, that I can't empathize. Why the heck not? It isn't like I am a stereotypical girl in any way, but I understand those who are. And I totally understand most unstereotypical guys. But when it comes down to the most testosterone-y of men I just can't relate.

But then again do I really want to?

If I did I suppose I could try to join an armed force. Talk about immersing yourself in it. I did try applying to the FBI the other day. They turned me down because I had smoked pot within the last three years. So maybe I'll try again in a couple of months...

fuzz

Today I laughed a lot.

Last night I went out on the town with Spaghetti, the Jeweled Hornet, and some Jersey girl love. We hit a bar downtown and had a few martinis and even more fun.

This morning I had a mini-hangover. At this point in my life the type of hangover where I wake up and think, "thank god this is it". Dehydrated, a little tired, and that soft fog that settles over the brain.

Fortuitously last night I stopped drinking fairly early because I knew how crazy today would be. Lots of meetings and plenty of me acting and reacting. This was the kind of day where you have to be nimble, on the balls of your feet because you need to shift direction often and well.

And oh, did I.

In a normal day I always...ALWAYS have something playing in the background. NPR or my ipod most of the time. If it is too quiet I get restless and distracted.

Which is what made today so interesting. The hangover provided a natural background buzz. This was a day where I was on my game, floating like a butterfly and stinging like a bee.

The real surprise came from how much more I enjoyed life. I was more relaxed, just let life wash over me a little bit more. By god I think everyone appreciated my good mood.

It is one thing to be a happy drunk, but a happy hangover? Who knew?

adventures in movie going

The last holiday week was just jam-packed with cinema. One of the handy-dandy things about being single and childless is when I have time off I can indulge in all kinds of things I like. Such as MOVIES.

Last weekend, bought Sean of the Dead. Watched it about ten times. Briliant. Of course.

On July 4th saw Ratatouille with Spaghetti. Pixar did a great job again. Not my favorite of theirs but well worth viewing. The computer animation just gets better and better.

Then I made a little trip to Virgin Records in Times Square - since it is so far away from me (note two blocks) - and bought two mega faves. Fight Club and Bring It On. Because everyone buys those two movies at once.

Finally, yesterday I say Transformers with Thighs. Dude. It was awesome. No, I never watched the cartoon. Didn't matter. I found myself in one of various "oh my god" positions many times. As in a kick ass scene happens and your jaw drops...but the intensity isn't over so it stays open. And then five minutes later you realize the mouth should be closed. Two and a half hours should be too long for an action flick. But it wasn't.

Just to round the holiday week out, I looked over my blogs from two years ago. Here I am feeling stagnant in my life and I had accomplished HALF of the major goals I had laid out. Why is it so easy to forget the wins and remember the losses?

Interesting what order I listed them in and what order they were accomplished in though. Kind of makes one wonder - what do you think you want and what do you really need?

sunlight

My apartment is south facing and gets a ton of light. Really I am lucky in that way, which despite the proliferation of tall buildings being erected in my neighborhood I get so much unfiltered light.

One morning, noticing how bright of a day it was, I decided I should wear sunglasses on my walk to work.

I exited my apartment in sunlight. Walked ten yards.... and experienced about twenty more yards TOTAL of direct sunlight on my half-mile walk to work.

Literally, a corner here and a short stretch there. My walk to work consists of indirect light. The sunglasses were a moot point. Not that I mind, I am a pale person prone to sunburn. And I also firmly believed, based on my extensive running outdoors, that the sunlight drains my energy.

Just because sunlight makes the world exist doesn't mean I need to soak it in myself. Sweet ironies of life.

nostalgia

Having watched that damn High School Musical so many times has got me thinking about my own high school life.

Being 35 it has been a pretty long time since my wonder years. In many ways my life has shaped up in the way I dreamed it would. Living an independent metropolitan life, successful and surrounded by interesting and diverse friends.

What I wonder about is the level that my expectations have now risen to. What do I want from myself now?

When I was in my senior year I was out of school every day at 12:35. I had my own car, worked part time at Pizza Hut as a cook, and was the treasurer of the Drama Club acting as second in charge to the stage crew.

My friends and I were drinkers, but racking my brain I don't remember drinking on school nights. During the week we just had good clean fun. And I do mean squeaky-clean. I didn't lose my virginity until college and ditto for drugs.

But I did hand out with friends during the week. Reminiscing I had so much fun, and I suppose in a way it is sad that looking back now it takes so much effort to figure out how we kept ourselves entertained without drinking. Nowadays I talk to friends about going out and the bar is the focal point nine times out of ten.

What I do know is as a teenager we spent of time just...being together. We hung out. Didn't watch TV (except for our one afternoon soap opera.), didn't really go see movies. Literally just finding company to be out of the house was enough. And it was brilliant fun.

Back then hanging out doing absolutely nothing was totally enough. Now everything has to have a destination or a purpose. At least to motivate me to want to come out. I think I'm going to work on that. Just being, enjoying the company of others should be enough.

That being said, here are the pics from my last purpose-driven outing - last Saturday at the Astoria Beer Garden to celebrate the engagement of Ron and Erica. Awesome couple, awesome time.

Pics were taken by iPhone, who has from here on out been deemed the nickname Mookie.

overkill

I was kind of excited with the first trailer.

The second also rocked my world.

By the third I thought there could be no more. What other funny bits could there be???

Yet here we are, the fourth trailer has been released. And by god I'm still laughing. Damn they're good.

expensive toys

I was having second thoughts.

Who wants to be THAT guy, the one that buys into the hype and media? Who drops a kabillion dollars on a gadget? Who is the geek to buy the toy on the first day.

But...the movie I went to see with friends ended and the apple store on 5th ave was/is open twenty-four hours. And at 10:00 pm there was no line to get in, and the ten employess in front of the store were actually still cheering on everyone who entered. And the line was so fast, I walked in, waited one second behind two people, then they gave me my phone.

So here I was back home, worrying about switching services and keeping my number. Silly me, this is apple after all.

Again, two minutes. Service switched in itunes. The toy is syncing right now. At some point I have to go to bed in order to run ten miles tomorrow morning. But I don't know how with so many features to learn and play with.

Oooooh shiny. Now I have no excuse for not calling back or texting a reply. Crap.

that guy - geek version

My ipod broke during my trip to Missouri. Which is okay, I've had it for three years. What is even better, it gives me an excuse to go buy the new iphone.

Normally I would wait and drool for a few months before buying a new item like this. Let the bugs wear out and whatnot.

But there is that excuse....gotta replace the ipod.

Or even...my phone is over two years old

My favorite...I do have Friday off so I could wait in line for a midnight on sale...

Who am I kidding, I work all those extra hours just to buy and own the shiny.

Ooooh.

Aaaah.

*Heart*


(And for those of you really paying attention, this will be my first of two midnight lines I plan to wait in this year. Who's joining me on July 21st?)

p.s. Phone goes on sale 6pm Friday. So much for my midnight run.

haunted

Okay, I have officially become a tad bit obsessed with High School Musical. I bought the music. Then the movie. Then listened to the music all day and came home to watch the movie.

Seriously, is there some strange subliminal message embedded in the damn thing?

HELP ME. PLEASE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...........

disney and fellatio

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stages of life

Yes, I know I’ve been gone for a while. And boy is there a lot to catch you all up on. I just didn’t feel inspired to write, guess that happens to the best of us. So I’ll do my best to give you all the good dirt shortly. In the meantime let’s get back in the game…

So yesterday someone offended me so much that I almost got into a shouting match. At work. At a department lunch.

What could they have possible said that would offend me so that I saw red?

That people who live in Manhattan only do so at that EARLY stage of their life. You know, the one before they grow up and realize how foolish it is not to have a yard and space for grown up stuff.

Okay, so he totally didn’t say it exactly like that. But he kind of did. And man o man that just rubbed me the wrong way.

It is interesting that of all the conversations I have had over the years this is the only one that really got my goat in that quite a while. This guy was speaking from experience, his friends who had lived in the city in their twenties all picked up and moved to the burbs in their thirties. Thus in his mind that is just what people do moving through the stages of their lives.

One thing that bothered me is that he refused to accept that there were people who didn’t fit his known mold. I kept trying to tell him I’m in my thirties and by god I don’t want a yard (Mowing?? Gardening?? Pshaw.) And think a one bedroom is plenty of space for little ole me. Heck, I have guilt at the idea of owning too much stuff because that makes me a capitalist pig who can’t pick up and move to another country on a whim.

Because I do that so often. Yeah.

He also really implied that once the mystique of the city wore off and your priorities were in place leaving the city was the right thing to do. That’s kind of what really got me the most. My priorities are totally together, living here is still a dream come true. It is expensive for a reason – everyone wants to live here! Supply and demand.

It is rare these days to find someone who wants to put me into a square hole when I am a firework peg. Someone who insists that eventually I, too, will succumb to their idea of what is right. Which is really fortunate as a whole, it is nice not to have to deal with that with any near the frequency that I did back in the Midwest.

Also I get it that maybe it is a bit of cognitive dissonance on his end and all. Sell hard because you are really selling yourself kind of thing.

So no I didn’t beat him down. And I changed the subject lickity split. To keep the peace an all. Cause I’m good like that.

what??!!??

Okay, according to CNN the crime rate is going up in major cities.

Like Miami.

And San Diego.

Oh, and don't forget Grand Rapids, MI.

Seriously?? Grand Rapids??.

Maybe the article should be about random cities with increasing crime rates instead? Most interestingly, they cite gang related violence as being the main problem.

Not Detroit. Not Flint. Nope.

Gangs in Grand Rapids. Seriously, I can't get over it. Must be a bitch fighting for territory when the downtown consists of about five blocks. Damn.

ease

When is taking the easy way out the worst way?

Lately I have been complacent. I've been making enough money to not have to worry about it. My job is going well enough that most of the time I don't give it a second thought. The apartment is comfortable and rent hasn't changed in two years. Friendships are all strong and stable, reliable. No rumblings from the tummy, and I am running-injury free.

So I've been laid back. What is weird is that with the lack of struggle everything becomes more and more quiet, including my thoughts. I still have them, but the drive to express myself is so muted.

Thighs says that I should enjoy this time of comfort, but I feel guilty for this stasis, for the lack of movement. Mostly because the mere fact that I have been in publishing for over six years seems to me an eternity, and all I can think is "Why have I allowed myself to linger here so long?"

As I get older I wonder if I have the stamina to go back to school for a PhD. I still really think that I would really enjoy teaching and think that I have a talent in that area. But the question is what path do I take to get there?

How and when aside, as much as I'm trying to let myself stay still and calm for a minute I have an underlying sense of guilt for not doing more. The clock is ticking, when do I make my next move?

Honestly though, my biggest fear is that the complacency will win. That my inner drive will quell and my life will fade into obscurity and normalcy. That the comfort and safety of routine will suck me under like quicksand. I don't want my most exciting self to be over.

When do you get to be past your prime? Is it inevitable?

I’d rather burn brightly and end quickly than fade away so slowly that my light blends with the rest of the sky.