Sunday, May 29, 2005

take it slow

Had a fantabulous run in Central Park with Bacon. Enjoyed it so much decided to do my long run in Central park today. Two concurrent days in central park a long run does not make, unfortunately. Seems the five miles of hills wore me out yesterday, I had to stop today after just six. I wanted to go eight, then said what the heck is my rush the marathon is in November got god's sake!

Stopped at Whole Foods Market on the way back home, residence of all things gourmet. Somehow I was able to resist the double chocolate pecan brownies and go for a bag of cherries. Amazing willpower, I tell ya.

Due to sorry state of my finances, will spend another evening at home. I could paint another wall, but nah.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

cry me a river

No, I am not depressed. I just have watched a slew of movies and cried at every one.

Started yesterday afternoon with Crash. Wow, such an incredible film, so much ugliness in this world. With just a hint of hope.

Came home after the movie, watched oscar nominatedFinding Neverland, which REALLY got the waterworks going. Sob, sob, red puffy eyes. At this point decided meeting sailors was not likely as red rimmed gunky eyes do not attract the opposite sex well.

Decided to watch Uptown Girlson demand, please forgive me. I cannot stand Brittney Murphy, yet who was crying at the end? Yep. Must have been that Dakota Fanning. Damn child actors.

Finally rounded out the day watching Raising Helen starring Kate Hudson and yummy John Corbett. As much as I never want to be put in the position of inheriting three children, losing my corporate job and moving to queens, I cried due to sentimentality and not empathy.

I did not know I had it in me. My eyes are swollen red tomatoes. Fortunately I feel purged, washed clean with my salty tears.

Now I am off to run the upper loop with my friend Bacon. Harlem Hill awaits, oh, the challenge.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

memorial day

Yes, it is fleet week.

It seems my new apartment is located smack dab in sailor central. You can't walk five feet without running into yet another gaggle of uniformed men.

This may shape up to be quite a fun weekend.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005


I learned a valuable lesson yesterday. Drinking a triple espresso drink before speed training is not so good. Pushing the high heart rate with a high level of caffeine? Counter productive, unfortunately. I had to cut my training short, dammit.

To top it off I had kooky dreams last night. I dreamed I went back to Detroit for the holidays. I went and saw a concert, visited with the family, chastised my brother cruelly for some minor failing. And then my ex showed up. We were uncomfortable, but anticipating something. Then I told him that I had been waiting for him to come back to me, had remained single anticipating a future together again. We were getting back together. It felt strange but familiar, like that first push on the pedal of a bike when you have been off for so long. It feels like you are off balance, but you know you will regain it, it is something you know.

I woke up so sad, and really confused. Is my subconscious telling me that I have been avoiding dating because somewhere deep down I am expecting to be with him? All this time I've been feeling it is just my fear of intimacy. I had it before I dated the ex, so it was not anything new. This has me thinking, though.

While I mull this all over, I have one thing to say. Did anyone see the last five minutes of the season finale of Alias??????? WHAT THE HELL IS J.J. ABRAHMS TRYING TO DO TO ME????? My heart really can't take this. Oh, wait, yes it can, I just can't do an espresso beverage at the same time.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

god's will

Is to have me caffeinated - you do realize that. I just went to starbucks for a small beverage, a "tall", if you will. They gave me a "venti". Just because.

This means two things. One, I'll probably work out a bit longer than I had anticipated at the gym tonight. Two, an energized blog entry.

Earlier today I was walking down a hallway at work and noticed a Sopranos poster on a co-worker's wall. A big one.

What does it mean when you put a poster on your wall? I would think it is meant to symbolize that you are a fan. Simple enough. With a show like this, however, what are you really a fan of? Yes, the show is really entertaining, smart, and well put together. But when you come down to it, it glorifies a terrible life. Every good intention and aspiration is twisted by greed and crime in that show, really.

I had this roommate once who loved the godfather movies because of the family values. Yes, family values. C'mon, doesn't the guy shoot his brother in the second movie? Aren't they killing and betraying each other constantly in the name of "the business"??

Seeing the very large poster for some reason automatically made me think that this girl was a fan of organized crime. I almost stopped to ask, really.

Nothing that you display at work is one-dimensional. If you put up the picture of the clash, let’s say, you want to represent yourself as being somewhat anti-establishment. Or if you put up a picture of fairies, that you are a frilly kind of person. Or if you display pictures of you ex-lovers with their eyes cut out, that you are a serial killer.

On display I have posters of: The Complete Shakespeare bound edition book, Winnie the Pooh and friends, the world map, Apple products, I then have postcards on my peg board of: Rosie the Riveter, Ani Difranco, Starbucks, the wave, a Rockwell painting, some other postcard from the Met, and a Weezer calendar. My office says, intellectual, diverse, with a sprinkling of subculture.

I’m not sure what my co-worker is trying to say about her with the poster. But I can tell you this - I'm thinking that maybe I'd better stay on her good side.

Monday, May 23, 2005

early to bed, early to rise

Believe it or not, I got my sorry butt out of bed yesterday morning to run the 10K. As I am not an early riser, this in itself was a challenge. It was not too hard; I hit the snooze once and then at the second alarm jumped out of bed full of the adrenaline associated with getting to run my second race.

As I sipped on my sugar free red bull, the subway train was full of other runners, mostly women. They looked pretty healthy, but I think I fit in the same category. I have my super duper special outdoors wicking fabric running outfit to wear on such occasions. For some reason it feels easier to act the part if you look the part. At least in my reality.

Found Spaghetti by the registration tent, paid my money and got my number. She kept her mp3 player on, and informed me there was going to be no talking during the race as she needed to conserve her breath. She is asthmatic, so that is totally reasonable. My job was to keep her motivated after mile four, and her job was to help pace me to run slower and learn to save myself for the distance.

During the race she definitely was laboring to breathe more than I, and she worked much harder to maintain her target heart rate. She has a heart rate monitor programmed with her highs, lows, and target rates. I felt I could go a little faster, but wanted to work more on pacing for long runs.

I decided a little after mile five to break away in a sprint. Unfortunately I thought we were closer to the finish line than we were, and I not only ran out of gas and hit the wall, but started to feel nauseous. I powered through it, Spaghetti ended up catching up with me, and we finished the race.

Our pace per mile ended up being 10:34, which is pretty much what my goal was, yet still left me rather disappointed. Spaghetti was pleased, as it was faster than she had expected to go, but I wanted to match my first race pace of 9:55 at the very least, if not beat it.

Overall the entire experience was exhilarating. It was a beautiful 55 degrees, cool enough not to overheat, with mostly clear skies in a stunning spring setting. The park was lush; I could feel all of the fresh oxygen entering my lungs. The smell of green, of the occasional flower bed, invigorated me. Around mile four it started to sprinkle for a bit, just enough to feel refreshing.

We were so happy with the experience we had to extend it and go out to brunch. We went to the Eatery on 9th ave and I had the fantabulous blueberry pecan waffle topped with fresh berries, rum raisin ice cream and vanilla syrup. I replaced every one of the six hundred calories I burned off and then some.

The next race will be the Circle of Friends 10K. I think I'll work on being able to pace myself, so I do not have to rely on Spaghetti and can go faster. It's all about consistency.

Friday, May 20, 2005


Last night I went out for drinks with my softball buddies. During the time of inebriation, one of my friends, Spaghetti, calls to let me know she just signed up for a 10K. I, being drunk, miss the actual race name but assume it is the one scheduled for next month, the Circle of Friends 10K, that we have discussed in the past. I tell her I am 100% in, you can count on me!!

Seems she was talking about the Healthy Kidney 10K THIS SUNDAY.

Yeah, that is what everyone does; they get drunk and schedule long distance races. Good planning, Rockstar!

All the same, I am really excited about and looking forward to the run. This will be my second ever timed race, and doing with a friend will be pretty darn cool, methinks. My goal is to keep up with her pace of a 10:30 mile.


Wow, listening to "I'm a Slave 4 U" by Brittney on the headphones is a whole new experience. I feel so dirty.

Just got my tix to see Episode III tonight. Oh, the anticipation!!

Thursday, May 19, 2005

the fun girl, part one

I am known as a fun girl.

How do I know? When I walk into a room, people cheer. They say to me, "I'm so glad you are here", or "You have been missed". They ask me to come out more often, have a beer, hang out.

I am not the only fun person that I know, or of my friends. In fact, my best friend in the city is another fun girl.

What is a fun girl? A girl who puts you at ease. Who you enjoy talking to. Who makes you laugh, who lets you cry. She listens to you because she really wants to know. She enjoys your company because you are you. And you are special, unique. There will be no uncomfortable silences, no awkward moments, just laughter. She is the unofficial social chair of any group.

There are many good points to being a fun girl. You get a lot of positive affirmation because people feel good having you around, and want you around more. They invite you out; compliment you, thank you for coming.

I do not act how I do for the benefits. They are nice, don't get me wrong. I just enjoy people, I enjoy life. It rather seems to bounce back.

There are plenty of downsides to being the fun girl. Yin and Yang, people. There is balance in this life. The down side I will save for another day.

As a fun girl, I expect to be replaceable. I have been in many places where my charm loses its novelty, and a new person comes in to woo the masses.

Every now and then I am proven otherwise.

Last year I missed the entire softball season due to my health issues. Damn hernia. I played with the team tonight. It was so much fun! The most shocking thing to me was that even though my second base spot was gone, *my* spot was not. The old teammates were so happy to have me back, and even the new ones who played last year said they felt like they missed out because I was not around.

It is nice to be made to feel irreplaceable. Really, is there anything better than that?


Wanna hear something great? If anyone searches the web on Rivers Cuomo - how to meet him, how to pronounce his name, etc - They get a link to my blog.

A couple of posts and I am crazy stalker girl! Woo hoo!

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

the great equalizer

A friend of mine was excited to receive her new driver's license the other day. She gladly took it out to show me the new and improved picture. Nice. It got me to thinking about my ID. Let's see, it expires in 2005....uh oh, we are in 2005!

When I lived in Michigan, this kind of thing would not have passed without notice. First of all, I drove, so paranoia of getting a ticket wins. Secondly, when they card you at bars in Michigan they notice the expiration date and will not let you drink if it is expired.

During lunch today I made my trek to "License Express", the fast track to renewing my ID. Fast track my ass. The ticket calling system is much more efficient, but there still were 30 people waiting ahead of me. I had to sit there for forty five minutes just to fork over some cash for a new piece of plastic.

While I was waiting, I noticed sitting across to me was a familiar face. An actor. I don't know his name, and in the movies I have seen him in he gets about twenty lines tops. Character actor, kind of young, attractive, plays dumb guys. Seeing him there got me to thinking.

Everyone needs a license, don't they? Or most famous people, at least. We know jacko gets driven, but don't most other celebrities get around on their own? They have to drive those twenty cars they bought, after all.

Thinking about Brittney Spears waiting in line at a DMV made the wait just that much easier to bear. Ooh, or JLo. In heels. Bwa ha ha.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005


I am sick.


Powering through, at work anyway. I want to go a whole month without taking a sick day, call me crazy.

I got home from work at 5:30, went to bed, got up for two hours to eat some veggies, and back to bed.

Feeling a little better, but still an uphill climb. C'mon immune system, do your thing!!

Sunday, May 15, 2005


It was a good weekend.

Friday night saw Kung Fu Hustle. Stephen Chow is truly a visionary. If you have not seen this movie you are really missing out. It balances action, humor, mysticism, and morality beautifully. All with kick ass special effects. I feel fortunate as a person for seeing the movie.

Saturday was a bachelorette party for a friend. No strippers, but a four bar bar crawl from nine pm until four am. That is a lot of alcohol. I saw lots of guys, but only talked to one that had potential. He ended up to be kind of boring so nothing to come of it. It was nice to be out on the town and flirt. Like Weezer says, I don't want to be a nomad anymore.

Which would lead to my today, recovery. There was a street fair right around the corner from me, so as part of my hangover cure I ate and ate and ate. I have guilt for potential pounds put on, will have to work out extra hard this week to prevent the weight game.

A lot happened over the weekend to spark some existential dilemmas for me, I have to digest and then will blog.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

lesson learned

So last night I drank a red bull at 8:30. When I got home from the concert at 10:30 and was still wide awake, I figured that a good idea to bring me back down was to drink some wine. At 1:00 am when the red bull wore off I was one drunk bastard.

Made for a very hard day at work, let me tell you. I was still drunk when I woke up this morning.

Oh, the horror.

As you may have derived already, Rivers did not spot me in the audience last night and whisk me away. It did cross my mind that I may have to become a rock star in order to meet him, but I'll leave that as a last resort. I did send my resume to the Google contact, so there is hope yet.

My hangover wore off around 4:00, so I got some solid work done until about 7:00 and then hit the gym. Tempo run night. It went well, but I am beat. Must get some rest.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005


for the record:

1) I was ID'd for beer today - in broad daylight. Am 33, wrinkle cream officially works.

2) Drinking a red bull before a concert is not a good idea. Soncert lasts an hour and a half, red bull six hours. Think, simple math here.

3) I am Rivers Cuomo's dream woman. Really. How long I could handle someone as reticent as him? Oh, yeah, forever. His talent makes up for the lack of socialization, what can I say.

4) Did I mention red bull lasts longer than a concert? Still typing....

unlimited potential

Today is a good day.

I am eagerly awaiting my introduction to live Weezer. Tonight, I see them in concert for the first time ever. I can see it now; Rivers Cuomo will be on stage, mid-set, and say:
"Is Rockstar here? The one who writes Ignorance is Bliss blog? You have a backstage pass waiting for you."

At first I'm shocked, and then I'm nervous, but I know deep down inside I'm ready for any situation.

I go backstage, meet the band. Rivers is shy at first, as he is known to be. But I have a secret weapon. I know that he analyses popular music on his laptop - in Excel. I AM THE QUEEN OF EXCEL. What do you think I do for a living, anyway? Helloooo, manager of reporting and analysis!

So we look at a few of the models, and the ice is broken. Next thing Rivers is asking me to hang out with them on tour. You know I would say yes in a heartbeat. I quit my job and become the soul mate of Rivers Cuomo. Done and done.

What if this plan falls through? Oh, I have a backup. As I mentioned earlier, today is a good day.

My phone rang earlier, it was an ex-roommate. She had bumped into an old college friend, from her rowing team. Seems this old friend works for Google.

If you do not know this already, I am an uber geek. I dream of working two places - Apple and Google.

My ex-roomie knows this of me, mentions my passion. Her old chum mentions that they will be hiring soon, and to have my resume sent to her SO SHE CAN PASS IT TO HR PERSONALLY.

I know I'm writing in caps a lot, but you gotta understand, it is just that kind of day.

Rarely do I pass on resumes anymore, I need to know the person to do that at this point. Yet this college buddy of a friend is still in the pass on stage - my good fortune!

Did you know Google has replaced Microsoft for employing the geniuses? I heard it on NPR today, and you know to me their word is gold. How cool would that be to work around geniuses all the time? It will be high school all over again. I was the "dumbest" of the honors program. Just meant really that I was the only kid in the honors program who didn't study and happened to be drinking already. What can I say, I was bussed to school, grew up in a rough neighborhood. Oh, and I'm Irish. Alcohol is in my blood.

So plan one, life with Rivers. Plan two, life with Google. I like them apples. In the meantime, I have had three beers in forty minutes to pre-game for the concert. If your liver can process one alcoholic drink an hour, how fast can your stomach process a beer? What is the saturation point for my blood vs. my stomach? Right now I have an hour and twenty minutes of beer left in my system. Time for red bull.

Side note - I have decided I do not use the word "quixotic" nearly enough.

quixotic P Pronunciation Key (kwk-stk) also quix·ot·i·cal (--kl)
Caught up in the romance of noble deeds and the pursuit of unreachable goals; idealistic without regard to practicality.

Drunk blogging is fun.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005


Stop, pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars. Run, do not walk. Buy this album:


And I am seeing them tomorrow night. Live. In a small venue that is standing room only. I am all a-twitter.

Monday, May 09, 2005

dear harry fans

Not only is the next book coming out July 16th - but the next movie is in November! Call it the year of Harry Potter, huzzah!

Check out the teaser trailer. It is kind of neat to see the hogwarts crew growing up. Ah, youth...


Today was one of those days when you wake up but you don't hit pause on the dream. I was conscious, and the plot rolled on. The strangeness of this phenomenon was exacerbated by the familiarity of the scenario, the feeling that this was something I had dreamed many times before.

Was it a dream about Weezer? No.

A dream about Vin Diesel? No.

It was a dream with me in the middle of a Dawn of the Dead movie, zombies everywhere. I'm holed up in a church with some survivors, trying to help other non-zombies in, but losing a lot of people in the effort. The whole scenario is just like in the movie. Friends becoming zombies, first and second defenses failing, efforts to regain ground, so on and so on.

This was vaguely disturbing to wake up to. Even more so in that I could not stop thinking about it even after I awoke. The screenplay just kept going as I ate breakfast, took a shower, got dressed. I was finally able to stop the train of thought when I settled into my daily meditation.

Everyone has bad dreams, and scary movies can cause or be a large part of them. I am more unsettled with how familiar the whole thing seemed. It is weird to have a recurring dream and not even realize that you have one at all.

I think I'll play Disney tunes as I fall asleep tonight - a natural garlic for vampire dreams.


Should I really be this excited about having cleaned my windows????

Saturday, May 07, 2005


One of the funny things about living in new York - In Michigan, when I would get a bug bite, I would scratch and forget about it. Now I worry that it might be a tic. How gross is that? The last thing I need is to get lyme's disease. Fortunately there seems to be nothing connected to me, so I'm in the clear.

I went to my Mecca last night - the Apple Store in SOHO. *sigh* My drool did not short-circuit any of the equipment, so that was a relief. I was there to hear the author of "Everything Bad is Good For You", Stephen Johnson. I wanted validation that sitting on my ass watching countess hours of Alias was good for me. And I definitely got it.

His theories are interesting, but I have not yet decided if I agree with him. The basis of his hypothesis is that modern day TV shows and video games are exceptionally complex, multi-layered, and stimulating, causing the modern viewer/participant to engage in a regular basis in elaborate and creative problem resolutions and thought processes. He had terrific examples that very deftly demonstrated the advancements in media. Thing is, I don't necessarily believe that his examples proved increased intelligence.

When I was young, I was taught to increase my reading speed and maintain my comprehension with this projector like system that would literally highlight four or five words at a time in a sentence at a predetermined speed. With practice I could read pretty darn fast, and retain information. My cousin, who is blind, listens to audio books quite often, but speeds up the feed to where someone like me hearing it sounds like a foreign language. With any media as you become more accustomed to the medium you can add more to it.

Thus, as our society watches more TV and plays more games, our tolerance grows and to engage us more must be added. We started with Mr. Rogers Neighborhood and now have graduated to multi-plot storylines like Sopranos.

Mr. Johnson's argument might then be that these skills will transfer over to everyday living. Does life imitate art or art imitate life?

I need to read the book to see if he has any examples as to how these skills translate. Ironic that the very media he is using to communicate this is in his own theory remedial. I consider myself to be very smart, smarter than say 80% of the population. I attribute that knowledge and wisdom to the fact that I read voraciously as a child.

I remember my father telling me the library rule was that you could only borrow as many books as you were years old. So I borrowed 12, and read them in two weeks. Then borrowed another 12, and so on.

Reading that much taught me how to think, how to observe, how to absorb and internalize information. It was like strength training for my brain. The question must then follow - what came first, the chicken or the egg? Nature or nurture? Am I smart because I read so much or did I read so much because I was smart?

Of course, I learned to read from Sesame Street. Point taken.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

laying low

Inspiration comes and inspiration goes, today I was just plain blah. I could not motivate to save my life. Makes for a long, boring workday.

On the upside, I discovered a new daily read, Rosie O'Donnell's Blog. At first it is hard to read, very disconjointed, unpunctuated, uncapitalized - strange format. Thing is, once you get past the weird setup, it is brilliant. Inspirational, even. You can see why she has been so successful in life.

As a person who cannot stand Oprah or Dr Phil, I recommend Rosie as an alternative.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005


Well, I just fired one of my two direct reports. Sucks. No, he was not able to do the job. Yes, I gave him tons and tons of chances.

Other people I know let their direct reports get by with all kinds of errors, cover for them and whatnot. My bosses actually rate me on my ability not to do that. Why there is so much more pressure on me as compared to others in my dept, I am not exactly sure.

Excuses excuses, I'm just sad that I had to let someone go.


Last night I did cardio for an hour and a half.

An hour. And a half.

I was a bit tired afterwards.

This drive to work so hard at the gym, I believe it is fed by my lack of drive at the job. I still work really hard, put in extra hours and all. But I just don't have any goals left to achieve there. I make the money I need to get by, and sure as all out have enough responsibility now. So I funnel all that driven energy into the gym.

Obviously I have a lot of energy.

Also, I have started meditating in the mornings again. I used to do this every day back when I thought I had Crohns and could control it by keeping my stress levels down. Now I just want to find that balance I had once.

The question is - how long can I live in an unfulfilling day job and sustain it with fanatical hobby action? Maybe until the marathon. That will be four and a half hours of cardio.

Monday, May 02, 2005

follow through

I am great at setting goals. I am terrific at setting milestones and deadlines. I am an inspiration in starting a new project.

Finishing? Not so much.

Do any of you remember latch hook? I can remember being about eight working on a latch hook tom n jerry rug. My mom finished it for me.

One time, when living in Detroit, I decided to fix my broken electric laundry dryer myself. I took it apart, replaced the heating coil (and only shocked myself twice in the process, I needed no hair gel for a week), and left the dryer spread over the cellar floor in pieces.

It took me nine years to get a Bachelors Degree.

About a month ago I decided while waiting for my calf to heal, I would paint my living room to occupy my time. That one wall I painted looks great.

My current unfinished project? Phone tag with HB. I did not call him back after last Wednesday night, figured since he was out of town for the weekend he was busy. He left me a voicemail tonight, and I still have not called him back.

Don't worry, I will call him tomorrow, it just seems that for some reason it is taking some effort for me to get the gumption up. I like to blame it on the fact I hate to talk on the phone, but I guess it is more like cold feet.

Once and a while I do actually complete a goal. Say, like moving to NYC. She can be taught!