Tuesday, May 29, 2007

stupid movie

Over the weekend I hit the jersey shore with spaghetti and thighs.

We spent a gorgeous couple of days on the beach, saw a minor league baseball game (go blue claws!) and walked the seaside heights boardwalk.

Oh, and drank a hell of a lot. We finished off two fifths of vodka and three six-packs of beer. Can't say we don't know how to toss 'em back.

I had brought along five movies in case of inclement weather. To be safe I covered the whole spectrum. Casino Royale for action adventure, Venus for drama, Wedding Crashers for comedy, Scrubs season 5 disc 1 for short attention spans, and of course a romance...The Notebook.

We watched the standbys - Wedding Crashers and Scrubs. I've already seen Casino Royale, so when I got home last night I threw caution to the wind and watched The Notebook for the first time.

Crack cocaine for women. Female porn. Damn damn damn stupid romance. Yes I am a sucker for this kind of thing. Skipped back and watched the good parts a second and third time around, the whole nine yards. I was so wound up after the damn thing I couldn't go to sleep until forever.

Honestly it is a really simple premise. Tell a story about TRUE LOVE. The big magical phenomenon. And I want to believe. Hell, I think I do believe. Which is why I always am a sucker for these stories.

But in the light of day one has to wonder. There is a really fine line between drastic measures to prove your love and insanity.

Have you seen Say Anything? Romantic if you believe they were meant to be together, stalker if you are the girl and really wanted to break up with the guy.

The Notebook? Romantic if you believe they are destined to be together, madness to dedicate your life to prepare for someone if they really are going to marry someone else.

On occasion I have dated. These relationships didn't work out for a reason. It wasn't because the guys didn't stand outside my window playing music or didn't pine for me for years. In fact, if they would have done those things I might have been a little frightened or sad.

So what is romance? I guess maybe it is attention when you really want it. Platitudes from someone you desire. And when we watch movies you kinda want the hot guy, so you can totally dig it. Which makes sense because when the ugly/strange guys pining in movies, the genre is a comedy. Say like The 40 Year Old Virgin.

Still I watch the damn stupid romances. Rationalized them to death and it doesn’t matter. Love them, can’t help it.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

sharing the love

okay, so I'm totally a month behind on this.

but it is too funny not to share.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

tough enough

When I was 18 my biggest worry was figuring out how to pay for college.

My parents had already told me they were strapped for cash and couldn't help with tuition. My grades were great so I didn't doubt that I could get into a school. Didn't much care where, I never was much interested in an Ivy League education.

At some point I had the opportunity to take an aptitude test for the military. Always being a good tester I signed up, figuring what the heck.

What I didn't realize is that soon I would be getting LOTS of calls from military recruiters. Didn't think much about consequences back then.

One thing we all know, you can get money for college by going into the armed forces. And by god I'm never one to do something halfway, so I figured if I was going to go into service for our country no way was it going to be for anything but the toughest group. The marines.

Arriving at the marine recruitment office, the recruiters were tickled pink to meet me. We talked about the benefits that would be bestowed upon me for serving my country. Honestly I recall the deal sounding pretty good. And I didn't mind the challenge. Although I was kind of an anti-establishment person, I figured eh. I'm tough enough to get through.

Then it occurred to me to ask a question. Someone had put a bug in my ear, something about how women weren't allowed in combat.

Now when I said I chose the marines it was because they were the toughest group I wasn't looking for an easy way out. The whole point was to prove that I could take anything and then dish it right back out.

So I asked the question. The response?

"Yes that is true! You are very lucky, you will always be safe, never on the front line!"

Getting agitated I reply, "You are joking. That is ridiculous."

Now getting confused, the recruiter demanded, "You don't understand. You are lucky to have this protection."

"No, YOU don't understand. I refuse to be a part of any organization that doesn't see me as an equal."

Angrily he replied "Excuse me, have you ever had a bullet pass within an inch of your head?!"

Now I was pissed "No, but by god if you can take it I can too. That is my point, I have to take the crap as much as anyone else. If I am considered weaker or need to be protected I will never be on equal footing."

At this point he calmed down a bit, sensing that he was losing a sale. "Well, this restriction was actually imposed by congress, so it isn't the armed force that came up with it."

That kind of made the whole concept a done deal for me. Serve a country that saw me as weak? Forget it.

Now, please keep in mind this was two years before the gulf war. We had been in times of peace for over twenty years and Sadam Hussein was barely a blip on the TV. As I have gotten older I am thankful that I didn't have to put my life on the line, and have total respect for those who did.

Luckily I discovered a school that arranged for you to work fulltime half the year as part of the program, with a great wage and even greater benefits. Full healthcare and paid vacation while going to college? Oh, and did I forget to mention in was 75% male? Graduating from an all-girls high school it seemed too good to be true.

Every now and then I look back and wonder where I would be if I had joined. Never having the pink hair, not having all the crazy jobs and experiences. Would I have left after serving my time? Would I have gotten knocked up or married like so many of the women in the armed forces? Would I have stayed and gotten promoted through the ranks?

Honestly, I'm relieved that I made the choice I did. One little question that popped into my head made all the difference in the world.

Of course, aren't most the monumental decisions of our life balanced on the answer of just one question?

Oh, and I totally still believe that I'm tough enough. Booya.

Friday, May 18, 2007

I think I get it

Okay, for my entire life I have never wanted children. I have spoken about this before. Nothing new here.

As I have gotten older I am less and less motivated to pop out a mini me. Let's think here.....

Have you heard a new parent talk about how little sleep they get? Of course you have. Because every new parent complains about this. For some reason they had no idea it was coming. (You would think that expecting people would have spoken to the more experienced, wouldn’t you?)

Time? What time? You don't have time; your life is now decided by the schedule of your offspring. Fuggedaboudit.

Money is just silly. It is that strange number that is being stashed away to pay for unexpected doctor bills or future little handheld games. Or a college future if you are just that lucky.

This could go on and on. All the things that people sacrifice in order to have children, I have never quite understood. I really blame that missing genome somewhere, the whole missing maternal link.

It just seems like so much to give up for so little reward.

All for a smile? A hug? That one moment at sixteen in the middle of all the screaming when your kid says "you know mom/dad...you aren't so bad"
How many years of your life did you give away for that?? Oh, and being blamed for everything wrong with their lives because you had the AUDACITY to give them said life in the first place?

Yes, I have issues.

So anyway. Last week I met someone who had recently completed her first marathon. Quickly I proceeded to telling her how much I hated running my marathon, how painful it was to complete, how much time and effort I put into preparing myself for such tortuous event etc etc etc.

She loved running her marathon, every minute. And wants to run another. I gave her mad props and then silently declared her insane.

Then maybe I happened on this past Wednesday to watch a show you may of heard of.... Lost. A character was journaling his top five moments in his life.

The show ended and I thought...what were my happiest moments?

Of course the first to come to mind? Finishing the marathon.



I get it!!

Lots of effort, not a logical ratio of effort to reward....

Ding. Ding motherfucking Ding.

Still don’t want kids though.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

battle of the blahs

Lately I have been doing less and less on the weekends.

It started off because of my marathon training. At least 30 hours would be 'reserved' for my long run, time including no-drinking prep before and much needed nap after.

Then the holidays wore me out.

And now....what? For a while there I was worried that my problem is that I was getting old. But a couple of Iron pills later I could feel a resurgence of energy. With which I did nothing.

So here we are on the brink of summer. My company has summer Fridays (almost didn't this year, close call), and my department opts for the every-other-Friday-off option.

Which means I had better god damn well make sure I'm not sitting on my sorry ass at home on those long weekends.

Memorial day is covered, a weekend at Frank the Tanks' on the Jersey Shore. But what to do what to do with the rest of my time?

A wedding in MO in June.

One day in Philly for a baseball game with Thighs.

And methinks some trips to visit friends. See Kzoo Jen maybe? Drop by to visit Seattle Girl? Finally get around to seeing my cousin in Portland? Maybe a quick hello to Dawnalicious in Vegas?

Or maybe some adventure destinations? (Drawing a blank here)

Who am I missing? Anyone up for weekend adventure?

Sunday, May 06, 2007

step aside dreamgirls

There is a new sheriff in town.

THIS is how you put a broadway musical on the silver screen. Even though it started on celluoid in the first place. Either way, just watching the trailer gets me stoked. Never felt this way about beyonce and jennifer hudson, let me tell ya.

Just listen to that title song "You Can't Stop the Beat". See what I mean? Electric.

Friday, May 04, 2007

seasons change

The summer has officially begun.

Not because of a solstice.

Not because of Memorial Day.

Not because of the weather.

Because tomorrow we are off to the beer garden for the first time this year. Oh, the Astoria Beer Garden. The sun, the picnic tables, the bratwurst, THE BEER.

We will start at 2pm. Most likely we will not leave until after dark. Friends will stop by. We will drink and laugh, and it will be awesome.

And don't worry; I'll bring my camera. To share the love. Or at least the inebriation.

oh well

The crush has a girlfriend.

C'est la vie.