The day after seeing the Michigan Ex, I was out in Kzoo with Kzoo Jen at Bells Brewery. Mmmmmm Bells beer. So good. And at the brewery so cheap. Seriously, two fifty for a sixteen-ounce glass that you get to drink in a spacious outdoor area!
Anyhoo, he called me with a request to meet up again for lunch the next day, two days after we had seen each other. I agreed to see him, figured maybe he had read my blog and wanted to talk about what I had perceived to be on his mind.
Thus I drove out to the east side of the state, an extra hour out of my way, and showed up on his doorstep. I volunteered him to help me plan and gather the mixers for the wedding, not a small task since I was to provide all soda, for mixers and not. We are talking lots and lots of liquids. Really I'm lucky he did, there were two grocery carts full of beverages.
After the errand was run, we had a nice lunch in Royal Oak, the city where we worked together at the Mongo.
During this visit I felt much more comfortable than in the one two days before. Light, airy, cheery. Conversation flowed pretty well. I even asked him how dating has been, and discussed my social life. He was hesitant in his answers about the long-term relationship he had been in since our breakup, but eventually he talked a bit about it. But really that was all. If he had something to say it remained unsaid.
Funny thing is, I got my closure. On the drive out to Kzoo after seeing him, all I could remember were the good times we had together, what had made us work. On my drive back to meet him for lunch I seemed to only think about the bad times. It became very clear to me that I am not the same person that I was when we dated.
When we were together I offered up a lot of compromises. Important word being offered. I put off my move to New York to be with him. I agreed to move to Ann Arbor so when we lived together we would be closer to his school (which he attended intermittently.) As my craving to move out of Michigan grew, he agreed to move with me. To New York. Oh, no, maybe he couldn't do New York, what about Boston? What about Denver? I always acquiesced, like in Rent - today for you, tomorrow for me. If he wasn't ready to go to New York with me as of yet then I would live with him wherever until he was.
Until he said he had to live in Idaho. And he could not compromise for me. After how willing I had been to bend for him I was understandably hurt, and when he would not vary in his plans I hightailed it to Manhattan and have been here ever since.
One of those strange lessons I have learned in life is that I have been wrong to expect people to give me something just because I gave the like first. This has been taught to me over and over, and has been a hard lesson to learn. Just because I was willing to compromise my dreams and my drives did not mean he had to reciprocate. My assumption was the error, not his inability to meet it.
The reason I feel closure? I am in love with something else now. New York. I love everything about this city, and adore living and working here. Deep inside of me I know that I am not that girl sacrificing one love for another anymore, I have one life that I have chosen and that has chosen me. I cannot offer to leave, cannot bear to compromise my heart that is so taken.
Sure, one can wonder what would happen if the Michigan Ex was to move here. But why? His life in Michigan is exceptionally full. He volunteers at Cranbrook, which he loves, and is ecstatic about starting his Masters degree (three years worth) at U of M. That is what I meant about our paths
I almost hate Sex in the City for saying it first. Bastards.
(View from my apartment window)