darwinism

You know, I really do believe in evolution. I love being able to explain all kinds of physicality and behaviors due to efficiency of survival.

For example, I enjoy the elusiveness of the female orgasm as a means to generate more selectiveness on the part of the woman in choosing a mate. I appreciate the higher stronger urge of male copulation, since the odds of actual conception per ejaculation are so low. It is way too much fun that the odor of vaginal fluids will significantly increase the desire to mate by a man regardless of female appearance. It is also too cool that the more vested a male of any species is in the upbringing off the offspring, the more particular it is in choosing and the more monogamous it will be.

There is some kind of evolutionary theory for most of what we do. That kind of information I tend to pick up and store, as opposed to box scores or football statistics.

You know what I have never heard a theory about? PMS. I can surmise the bloating and soreness, as the body prepares to become a fertile nest. But why the emotional roller coaster? Have there been any tests to see if the frequency sex differs for women who are affected more or less strongly by emotional waves due to hormones?

Really, what is up with that? I wonder if Kinsey, if allowed to complete his studies on women, would have come up with anything. Damn puritanistic patriarchal culture. ;)

undead

While watching any horror movie, I always picture myself as the survivor. I could run, I could fight, I could do what is necessary to survive. Be it warewolf, vampire, freddie krueger, or the living dead. Ass would be kicked, the evil will be beat down.

And then I saw a roach yesterday, a big one. Yuck, right? I run, grab the bus spray, and drown the sucker. The concept of squishing the thing? No Way. Crunch - squish - ew.

How the heck am I going to bash in the head of the undead if I can't kill a roach? Gotta work on that one.

different strokes

According to dooce, this guy is mormon dating gold.

I just. Don't. Get it.

He's even got a billboard.

Okay, I know it is part of a marketing campaign for LogoWorks, and obviously it is working. I'm even blogging about it.

You gotta admit, it is funny. I remember some chick in Michigan advertising for a date on a billboard. I wonder how that worked for her. Or was it a him? It was a while ago, that brain cell must have fallen victim to a Jager shot.

Oh, and random thought - my sister wants to wear a dress like Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady to her wedding, so if anyone has connections with any drama departments or seamstresses, give me a shout. No, I'm not kidding. Yes, she really does. Proof positive we are blood, what can I say.

oh the possibilities

My sister and her boy toy picked a wedding date - hooray!

Of course, he has not popped the question yet. They have had the rings for a couple months now. The happy couple is having fun with the suspense, I think.

This wedding is going to be fun. I even offered to come out early to help get it all into place. There is work to be done, my friends!

As the only bridesmaid so far, I have complete liberty to pick out - hold your horses - ANY dress I want, as long as it is not white. DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I COULD DO HERE?

Eh, I won't upstage the bride. As tempting as it would be to dress as Lola from the Copa.

Copacabana, that is.

vindicated

They say when you fall off of a horse, you need to get right back on again.

In that spirit, I got my sorry butt out of bed at 6:30 am today to enter the 4M Run for Central Park race. This was a total last minute decision. Not only did I feel the need to prove that I can do better than my sorry performance earlier this week, but I'm running out of races for the year. I have to run nine qualifiers in 2005 to be entered automatically into the 2006 marathon, and before today I only had four under my belt.

So I got up and got to the park. It was a beautiful morning, sunny, 78 degrees, with a nice cool breeze flowing. The four mile course had some hills, but skipped the evil Harlem Hill. I started out strong, and actually felt really good through most of the race - completely the opposite of the Nike Run Hit Wonder on Wednesday.

Best part - I finished with an average 10:35 mile! That is better than my goal of an eleven 11-minute mile, I am so thrilled! Net time 42:23. (For those of you who know my secret identity, you can actually look up my races by my name at nyrr.org).

Back in the saddle again. Giddyup!!

quandry

I just wanna know - how do little people stay thin?

Really. I just signed on to fitnessjournal.org as motivation and tracking for my workout and weight loss regimen (I am always on a diet. always). It came highly recommended, I figured I would give it a whirl.

So I sign on, and fill out my basic stats and goals. It is really cool because it allows me to list the races I want to enter, when they are and what times I want to complete them in. Basically it is accounting applied to fitness, which a geek like me totally gets into.

During my setup, this tool calculated my Basal Metabolic Rate, based on my height, age, gender, and weight. It is supposed to be more accurate than just the old fashioned height and weight method.

The old method said that my BMI was 1800, so anytime I ate less or consumed more was gravy. Not hard, I could handle it.

This more accurate method says my BMI is 1153. Crap!! Every health document out there says it is unhealthy to eat less than 1200 calories a day, so a plain ole diet is out the window. I literally HAVE to work out to lose weight.

That leads me, once again, to my initial question. If I'm just 5'2" and that's all I can eat - what the heck do little people eat? Their internal organs are supposed to be regular sized, so don't they get just as hungry as almost little people like me? Sucks bad enough that they have to deal with all kinds of prejudices and stupid people staring, but they can only eat like a piece of fruit a day to stay thin? Not fair, not fair at all my friends.

Yes, I know life is not fair. And yes, I really do spend time thinking about these kinds of things.

out of touch

I just found out about the second set of bombings against London.

The only news I listen to is NPR, and that tends to be when I am getting ready for and when I am at work. I am so disconnected otherwise.

This is so sad, so terrible. It is so hard to stomach that something like this could happen in the same place so soon.

Honestly, living in a city of this size, I am aware of the difficulties in keeping it secure. There are a million and one ways every day that something bad could happen. I don't want to think about being in danger. I don't want to imagine I am at threat.

So I won't. But I will keep my eyes open. If you see something, say something.

nike run hit wonder

Yesterday I ran that 5mile race in 90 degree weather.

Maybe run is too strong a word. More like jogged slowly and walked.

I started out strong, but mother of god the heat was just too much for me. The fact I haven't trained in over a month probably didn't help any either. I finished the race in one hour and four minutes, pretty much how long it has taken me to run 6.2-mile races in the past. Amazing how quickly you can get out of shape if you let go!

The really cool part about this race was the free music. The Donnas played before, and they really rocked. If they come to your town, you totally have to check them out. They have a great stage presence and some solid tunes.

During the actual runs there were other performers stationed along the way, which to tell the truth was kinda stupid. Sure, I got to be within ten feet of Chingy and Fountains of Wayne to name two, but a whole five seconds of each as I was RUNNING BY. I was a little more focused on breathing and not passing out. Joan Jett and the Blackhearts performed afterwards, they were okay. The Donnas were better, I think.

So here I am, back on the diet and training regimen. I'm really going to have to start getting up in the mornings to work out, I just can't motivate to do it at 8:30 when I get home from work Monday thru Thursday. It should be a good practice in discipline, if I want to get to medical school I have to get used to sleep deprivation anyway. Going to bed early would be the most logical option, but it is against my nature, so we will see if the early workouts can change such proclivities.

This vacation was much needed, even if I am not traveling anywhere.

stamina

Still at work. I'm going on fourteen hours straight here.

In another 15 minutes I'm going to run through the halls naked.

Just because. Really, when do you get to do something like that at your job???

uncle!

I worked for twelve hours today. Most likely, I will have to do the same tomorrow. Even though I would have to because I'm kind of behind in my work, the main reason is because I am on vacation Wednesday thru Tuesday! I had requested off with hopes of visiting Seattle Girl, but sadly could not scrape the airfare funds together. Grrrrr.

This means I get to have some NYC adventures! Indoor ones, most likely, to avoid the sweltering heat. On the other hand, I am actually considering the beach, we will see.

When I get back to work next week, it will be interesting to see if Random Chick (my boss) has cracked. She is at the breaking point, if she lasts another six months I'll be shocked. It's too bad, but I guess for her it was a trial by fire. As long as she doesn't get taken out wearing a straight jacket. That job just breaks people.

words

One handy thing about being able to maintain a high level of concentration - you can finish a book in one day. It took me approx. ten hours to read a 652-page book.

It was fabulous.

I laughed, I cried, I have a strong urge to buy a magic wand. The new harry potter was great, as expected. I foresee that this book may not be the favorite of the set for many. Most people will still say number four or five in the series is the best. I love them all equally for what they do, for the growth stages they represent. The best part (I will not be a spoiler) was where the end of book six leaves you.

The rest of the weekend was pretty nice. I spent some quality time with friends who have been just as busy with work lately as I have. It was really nice to see them, to catch up. We have all been working really late nights a lot lately, and Spaghetti even worked a whole 24 hours straight at one point. Those concepts of the single girl in the city partying like a rockstar, going out most nights of the week? Pshaw.

In the events of catching up with my gals, learned something new about myself. In an effort to really catch up on recent times, I asked my friends a lot of questions. Very carefully I listened, digested, really made an effort to see how they are doing. After several hours of me absorbing, I started to get angry because no one was asking me about myself. The feeling that I was only appreciated as an audience, a sounding board, made me feel so insignificant and hurt. I mean, don't they want to know how I am doing? How my weeks have been? Throughout the evening the frustration would build, and then several hours and several drinks later I practically exploded talking about my life, eeking bitterness. This same pattern happened two nights in a row.

The build up and explosion pattern is not what I learned. I learned that the problem is that I'm getting angry about something that I can fix. If I just said early on, jokingly - "hey, you should hear what is up with me!” or something of the sort - no buildup, bitterness, explosion. Once again learning how to ask for what I want, communicate my needs, seems the most obvious path to take, but was hidden from me.

It is so funny that I have mastered this ability in work, but it comes late in my social life. I suppose one lesson learned in a way led to the other. Now if I can master this new personal life skill maybe I’ll get the gumption up to reply to one of the fifteen winks and six emails I got from match.com. Yup, I posted again. After all, I was inspired when I just saw Shakespeare in the park:

"Most friendship is feigning, most love mere folly:
Then heigh-ho, the holly!
This life is most Jolly."
-William Shakespeare "As You Like It"

pure joy

I have not been able to stop talking about the next harry potter book. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince:

Not only does it go on sale at midnight tomorrow (or Saturday morning, depending how you want to look at it), but there is a whole festival going on that was set up by the publisher. That's right, here in NYC an entire city block is closed down to become DIAGON ALLEY. It is in SOHO on a small brick-paved street, and I'm sure will look quite authentic. For you, my loyal readers, I will take pictures and upload.

After enjoying the festival, I will be picking up my reserved copy the minute it goes on sale. I may even skip going to bars this weekend in order to read. How much of a geek am I?

unlimited potential redux

Tonight I am off again to see Weezer in concert, but sadly my fantasy is much less likely to occur, as I am in a sky box in some huge arena. Nassau Colleseum.

I hate large venues. Only my love for Rivers Cuomo propells me to go. That and my friend having an extra ticket. I would not have made the effort to buy one on my own. Not to mention I actually have to travel to Long Island to get to this place. Blech.

Tonight I will be wearing my @eezer tanktop with all the rhinestones - maybe they will reflect into Rivers' eyes, he will look up at the skybox, see me, and then fall madly in love with me. Or at least madly in lust. I could settle. He would think to himself "who is that rockstar?", not knowing I AM Rockstar!!!

Have I ever mentioned that when I'm bored I tend to go off into my own little fantasy world? Heh.

infamy

So in case you didn't know already, bloggers are hot.

This distinction was not made by me, oh no. Thank you People magazine, they named this dude one of the 50 hottest bachelors. JUST BECAUSE HE HAS A POPULAR BLOG.

Okay, I gotta admit, his blog is pretty darn entertaining. I particularly enjoy this. You know, I would spend $1,000 just to see his reaction to someone paying him to be their houseboy no holds barred. I would schedule the weekend for about a month in the future - enough time to drop some really evil implications and suggestions of his future duties. Why do I so enjoy the idea of torturing other people?

Please do not confuse, I do not consider myself among the "hot" bloggers, I'm still too whiny for that. Only after entering a few months of scintillating, spicy, witty blogging could I almost enter that genre. I would like to think my 36D cup could make up for some of the narcissism, but it seems like 75% of the blogs out there are female, so tis for naught.

Back to mr famous blog guy, check out today's entry, it is funny because it is true. Darwinism in action, I do say.

the lost weekend

I do not know what has come over me, but I have become some kind of hermit. Not only did I bail on every outing this week (friend's bar night, cousin's bday party, friend's leaving work party, general group catch up/get together), but after leaving work Friday afternoon I came home - and stayed here.

It is like I entered my cocoon and could not leave. After this week, I worried that I had formed some kind of dependency on television, and therefore spent all day Saturday with it off, reading and listening to various radio programs. Still unmotivated, I eventually turned it back on.

What happened? To my energy? Excitement? Sense of adventure? Lust for life? Energy? Desire? Where has Rockstar gone?

Growing up, I always felt…different. Always the outsider, looking in. There has always been an innate curiosity for me about how other people tick, not only for understanding’s sake, but also a bit to see where I fit. Admittedly, I felt the most at home when surrounded with other 'outcasts'. In high school, it was the drama club. In engineering school, the partiers. Post college, the non-careered. I have also found much comfort from my gay friends, because in a much smaller way I understand their sense of wanting to be accepted for who you are, since being able to change is not an option.

As of late, I have been lulled by stability, seduced by security. This corporate life is not for me, as much as I may try to convince myself otherwise. It cannot be denied any longer, my reluctance to continue with the facade (work words, not mine) does not come from fear or insecurity. It comes from the undeniable me.

Over the weekend I watched a trailer for the movie Waiting, and was overcome with longing. I so miss that life. Not for the financial insecurity, or the constant disappointment of bad tips, but for the freedom to act myself. The freedom to be me.

Mind you, I do not miss waiting tables here in NYC - the facade was needed to be a server here. In this city you sell yourself 24/7 when working for tips. Here waiting tables is for actors for a reason.

I have restructured my goals.

First, I get myself out of debt. This will take endurance and courage, as I will have to stay at the job eight more months in order to accomplish this. Once my debt is eliminated, I can secure half the income that I make now and live in the same comfort. Sadly, this means still no travel, no shopping for fun, no relaxing the willpower in the near future.

Secondly, get my booty into grad school. Looking online to research what I need to do, I felt that spark inside light - the me that I have been hiding. I am shooting for med school and a psychiatry degree, but will take psychology or a masters if I can get it. It is of no matter that after taking myself out of debt I am throwing myself back in, what better reason than a happy future?

After these, my goals blend. Running the nyc marathon, dating someone, traveling outside the US, buying a new IMac, all wonderful ideas I can dream of. If I was to become a new person and settle, I could live them instead. I could be the person my parents hope for. Not because they disapprove, but because they worry.

As much as I wish to grant them that security, I can’t. I just gotta be me. And trust, as I always have, that not only will it be more than enough, it will be extraordinary. I cannot settle for less.

London

I have to admit, when I turned on the radio this morning my heart stopped. I heard the serious tone of the reporter, and the words "to recap the events of this morning", and knew something terrible had happened. As awful as it is to say, a wave of relief passed over me when I heard the events went down in the UK and not here in NYC. Flashes of 9/11 had passed before my eyes, panic mode of "what do I do now" had coursed through my veins.

When they continued to describe the bombings in London, I worried for my work friends there. There are a couple of people who come over a couple of times a year whom have become close with. Since this morning I have heard they are okay, and am relieved.

This really brings home to me the idea that what the UK lived through when the IRA constantly made terrorist attacks. Previously I had somewhat sympathised with the cause, although not so much the methods. I suppose it is sad that it took so much violence close to home to awaken me to the dept of the injustices that were done.

not in my backyard!

Very, very, very happy the olympic bid for NYC was rejected. As I live on the west side, the west side stadium would suck for me. Likewise, the congestion of so many more people here is totally unnecessary. I'd rather travel to another location in the US than deal with it here.

Congrats London, it's all yours!!

good cable

I'm paying a kazillion dollars just so I can watch Queer As Folk in its last season, but what do I do in-between episodes? Already having burnt through all the on-demand movies and other series, it has been a matter of dredging through two hundred channels of blah and whatever.

Until the recent inception of LOGO, that is, which rocks my world. Last night I watched Torch Song Trilogy, now I'm watching Erasure in concert. If you don't have this channel, you need to call someone.

Thank god, this channel will tide me over until my series of choice ends, I can drop the over-rated pay channels and get TiVo instead. Drool, TiVo...

happy birthday, USA

As tomorrow I return to work from my holiday, there are a few things I learned over the weekend that I would like to share:

- Fireworks in NYC are pretty, but even though toted as best in the US, Detroit's give them a good run for their money.

- If a sunburn is bad enough, you will continue to peel over a week later. I am shedding skin like a seventy-year-old man who ran out of Rogaine sheds his hair, and was burnt ten days ago.

- People say that Matthew Broderick can't act, that his best role was Ferris Bueller. They obviously have not seen Torch Song Trilogy. Makes me cry every time. He was in the play before Ferris, and in the movie after Ferris. That takes chutzpah.

- It is completely impossible to sit through an entire fireworks display without saying "ooh" or "aah". I may try to get a government grant to prove this fact. It could be a simply biological thing, like how when happy every human being smiles, regardless of culture. People got money to figure that one out, why can't I do a good one too?

- Shakespeare for me always inspires wonder. The idea that the simple truths of mankind remain the same boggles my mind. I had never read As You Like It, but by god that did not reduce the complete pleasure of seeing it performed this weekend. The language intimidates, but the wisdom dictates.

- Live 8 actually gave me some hope. They do not want our money, they want our voice. Sadly I have become too cynical, and doubt that millions of people all over the world will really influence those eight most powerful men of the world.

- Dakota Fanning the next Drew Barrymore? Hmmmm.

- Batman Begins is truly awesome because of longstanding archetypal storylines. Same storylines found in classic mythology and movies such as star wars. These truths, if told well, always entertain and inspire. This movie tells them well. Also helps that Christian Bale is hhhhooooooottttttt.

- War of the Worlds. Eh. Book was great, so it had a plot to work from. Action good. Acting okay. Effects good. Overall, it serves its purpose as an action adventure flick, I suppose.

- When I get drunk I fight with Bacon. I have to learn to stop that; it is not fair to her.

And for the piece de resistance:

- My brother and sister in law are preggers again, with number four. Where their excessive Catholicism and use of the rhythm method of birth control had a lot to do with the timing of the previous three, this one was planned. As conceived in Disney World, I'll never be able to look at Mickey the same way again.

long weekend

I did a marathon yesterday.

No, not a runner's marathon, the 4400 marathon. That's right, from 9am to 8pm I sat my booty on the couch and watched the whole series. Breaking to watch Live 8 during commercials.

Please do not be alarmed, I have an obsessive personality. How else could I watch three seasons of Alias in just under two weeks? Oh, yeah I was home recovering from surgery. But still, that much focus in a short period of time is totally a Rockstar trait.

So back to my marathon. Totally hooked to the show now. It has some weak points, like overplaying the whole scully-mulder theme, but the plot and storylines are solid enough to keep me coming back for more.

I did not go out last night, watched Live Flesh by Pedro Almodovar, who also did The Truth About My Mother, Talk to Her, blah blah blah, amazing director. Film was pretty damn good too, except because stupid Netflix described it as a thriller I kept waiting to be scared, or on the edge of my seat, or something. It is an awesome movie, but thriller it was not.

Now I'm off to go wait in line for Shakespeare in the Park tickets. The play this year is As You Like It, I love his comedies. Don't know if anyone famous is in it, but will find out tonight. Lata!