Monday, January 10, 2005

what do you want to be when you grow up?

I found out at the beginning of this week that I got a promotion and a raise. That's right, window office, welcome to middle management.

I have worked very very hard for several years to get here. I did not realize how much getting a window office would mean to me until I actually moved in. Let me tell you, it feels wonderful. It's the feather on the cap, that all-important essential step accentuating that I have earned the respect of the executive set.

After basking in the glow of the natural sunlight for a couple of days, another realization hit me. I am going to be making an income that allows me some luxuries. Reader, I am a self-made woman from modest means. I put myself through college, and worked two jobs pretty much for twelve years just to get by. I finally was able to quit my second job last year in October, but have never been able to live off of a budget. We are talking have that extra drink or have lunch tomorrow kind of choices.

The main reason that I have had to work so hard for so long is I keep changing my mind about what I want to be when I grow up. I have always believed I could do whatever I want in life, and also am compelled to experience as much of life as I can. This means I took nine years to graduate with a bachelor degree, and have tried my hat at being an engineer, optician, bartender, waitress, carnie, party system sales person (like tupperware but crystal), flight attendant, and now publishing professional.

I like to joke that I got this job by accident. I was moving to NYC, and this place offered me a job. It really was that simple. I have always been an avid reader, and was very stoked to work for one of the largest publishing companies in the world. It has just worked out that some of my specific talents were needed, and I have been rewarded for applying them.

But this isn't what I want to be when I grow up. Somewhere in all of those years of soul searching I came up with the idea that I would like to teach at the college level. I plan on going to graduate school to receive a PhD.

Back to my promotion. I started to realize that I am going to have money, and decided to create a wish list of future purchases. Everything I have dreamed of buying but have not been able to. I listed furniture, ipod, treo, wardrobe, vacations. I put them in order of importance, which to get first, second, and so on.

I put the list down with a self-satisfied grin and walked away. Two hours later that smile faded when I realized that graduate school was nowhere on that list, it hadn't even crossed my mind.

I wonder how much rest time I will need before I am able to start over and work very very hard again. In realizing this goal that so many people dream of I lost my own for a second. Luckily it only took me a couple hours to find it again.

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