misconceptions

I have this thing, a talent for setting people at ease. As mentioned in that personality test I took, I am great at "easily picking up the gestures, facial expressions and speech patterns of others."

This ability comes in really handy most of the time. I make friends easily, am good at helping others feel better about themselves, and am able to get things done more efficiently by alleviating people roadblocks.

Now add to my skill the fact that by default I like everyone. I honestly believe that there are amazing and interesting things about most people, and cherish those unique boons. It takes a lot for me not to like someone. So you know they must be the bizzaro world version of me if they become my nemesis.

The thing is that sometimes I feel guilty about my talent, because in some ways I am deceiving others. By mimicking them they see themselves in me, and that is not necessarily who I really am. For example, everyone whom I interview for a job thinks they've got it, because we got along so well. After meeting me people always guess my age as being close to theirs, as how could I really be ten years older when we are so on the same wavelength?

Now combine that with the fact that I have a really hard time trusting people. It takes a lot of time and patience for me to start confiding real things in new people. So although I have a lot of friends, only a few know the real me. I suppose that is not so abnormal, but I did not start out this way. I gave so much to so many people and got burned so many times I just learned to shut down. In some ways I miss having the ability to be more giving, but not enough to give up the safety and security of my ivory tower so far away from being taken advantage of.

Another disadvantage is I often distrust the affection of others. I really believe that what most people like in me is that mirror reflection. This gets more confusing when the affection is from a suitor. You know, I used to flirt a lot. I stopped that a couple of years ago. I mean, combine sexuality with my super-reflective powers and all kinds of misconceptions and hurt feelings are soon to follow.

So what is a girl to do when it comes to dating? Just let go and trust someone else's perceptive abilities, I suppose. Which is harder, to former or the latter? I don't know, I'll keep you all posted on that one.