Saturday, February 25, 2006


Ah, tequila. Wondrous beverage derived from cacti. Last night I went to a friend's birthday party, and this was her shot of choice.

As a person known to imbibe from time to time, I have observed that different alcohols give a different kind of drunk. Wine is a chill buzz, beer a stupid one, vodka cuts like a knife, and jager just makes the world glow. Oh, but tequila. So good, yet so so bad.

I remember my first time with this beverage. I was a spry 21, living in Warren, and was throwing my first New Years Eve party with my roommates. My cousins Joe and Paul came, tequila bottle in hand. We had several shots in conjunction to playing some spinning quarter game. I was feeling pretty good (translate - completely knackered), but then noticed the party was getting awfully loud. Immediately I was able to ascertain the cause - the TV was on and the volume on high, thus people had to raise their voices to be heard over it. Well, I am fervently opposed to TVs being on at parties, so I got up, walked over to the TV, and shut it off.

And was yelled at very loudly by all in attendance. See, this was a New Years Eve party, and I had just turned off the TV in the middle of the countdown, ten seconds before the ball hit bottom.


Back to last night. Oh, sweet nectar of the agave. I had a couple shots, drank a little beer, played (and lost) a little beer pong. And the creature came out. You know, the ass-grabbing creature.

Four years ago I was still working at Tuscan, and my uniform included a very tight pair of stretchy silky black pants. I was about fifteen pounds heavier, and definitely very bootylicious. As I never have been a retreating violet, and I was known to partake in sexual innuendos with my coworkers, one day I decided to have an ass-grabbing contest.

Everyone was given a chance to grab my ass, and I would judge the best technique.

Too be honest, this was a fun game.

The winner was my friend Rudy, who at the time was in the fifteenth year of his relationship with the same woman. He had obviously learned a thing or two over the years.

Since learning this method, I have been known on occasion to share the wealth with others I know. As I have moved up in the ranks at my job I try to do this less often, as in some circles this kind of thing can be construed as sexual harassment. Me teaching this always results in large numbers of people 1) grabbing my ass 2) having their asses grabbed by other people, 3) watching or being subject to me groping a handful of tush. (Get it, handful? ahahahaahha)

Now, combine the fact I have not had any action in a while, the inclusion of tequila, and the repeated grabbing and rubbing. This may or may not have resulted in me making out with someone for a half hour at the bar. And it may or may not have resulted in this someone coming home with me last night. And it may or may not have resulted in various stages of nudity. And it may or may not have resulted in plans for more of the same later this week.

As they said in Grey's Anatomy, now the beast is awake, and it wants to be fed.

1 comment:

Erica said...

Ah, I have fond memories of the ass grab game...why'd you have to get all high up on the food chain???