Wednesday, September 02, 2009

boyfriend shuffle

What the heck do I want from a boyfriend?

God, I ask myself that question all the time. Well maybe not all the time, just when I think about dating.

A few months ago I asked Ctina the purpose to having a significant other, and she had a pretty good response. To have a number 1. Your automatic reliable fall back person. The one who you run to first with good news or who will pick you up when you are down. (Or in my mind picks you up when you have outpatient surgery.)

That I get. It works with the logic of my life because I've always had a really wonderful network of friends who I rely on for these things, thus my drive for a designated No 1 is lessened.

But what do I actually want from someone I'm seeing? Ugh, that's hard to pin down. Looking at how I've dated lately helps.

Basics include: smart, funny, accepting of alternative lifestyles, good in social situations, moral but not religious, ambitious about some life path, attractive. Oh, and let's not forget the most important - he has to be into me. That's a biggie.

Guy number one this year (we'll call him Mr. Magazine because of where he worked) was smart, funny, and cute. He had the geeky glasses and casual clothing look I go for (aka Rivers Cuomo), and was really up on his current events. We had a good time hanging out.

With Mr. Magazine sadly there wasn't chemistry. We didn't really have a burning desire to spend time together, and the bedroom was more robotic than passionate. So that only lasted about a month.

Fella number two (we'll call him Mr. Layoff since he was laid off of work the day of our first date) was sweet, attentive, and cuddly. He was really into indie music which works for me because I love seeing live bands in small venues, and constantly was emailing me and texting me sweet nothings. Which incidentally I discovered that I really enjoy. At least for the first several weeks.

Unfortunately Mr. Layoff didn't add much to conversation, and my desire to spend time with him fell well below the radar. And where the bedroom was much more passionate at first the frequency of the passion became almost nonexistent right away. We dated for six weeks and there was one night he came over to watch a movie and then slept over - and we barely made out!

No chemistry after all, that had to end.

So I definitely have learned something to put on my 'yes and no' list for dating.

Lust vs. real chemistry.

Sex driven lust is fun and will get you through several dates if the guy qualifies for boyfriend potential. And if the bedroom escapades are really hot then it may last more than a couple dates.

But it is really about the chemistry, that thing that makes you just want to be in the same room as the other person as much as possible. Without that the relationship is doomed.

Now I just need to come up with some kind of gauge to tell the difference.

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