Tuesday, January 15, 2008

the odds

Often I joke with people that if I were born 100 years ago without all this modern medical technology my life would be quite different.

When I was four it was discovered I had a lazy eye, and through two years of wearing an eye patch and muscle therapy it was cured.

At the ripe age of twelve I was diagnosed with scoliosis, which I was able to correct through years of chiropractor visits.

Of course you can't forget my prognosis of Crohn's Disease when I was seventeen.

That's right - 100 years ago at this point I'd be a hunchback with a lazy eye who would often be walking around with fun tummy troubles.

But wait!! It gets better! Today my knee doc gave me a jingle, seems the test results from my joint fluid returned pyrophosphate crystals...providing me a with a brand spanking new diagnosis.

Pseudogout.

Yeah, it is a form of arthritis that is rare, often found in people as they grow older. Guess what percentage of people in their 60's have it? C'mon, you know you want to guess. Three percent. Three frickin percent. Odds for someone my age? Not even on the chart it is so low.

So correction to my above description. A century ago I would have been a hunchback with a lazy eye LIMPING around with fun tummy troubles.

Seriously, what the hell was my mom taking when she was pregnant with me??? Was something in the water I drank growing up??? The odds of all these ailments all happening to me seem awfully high don't they?

Ah well, at least now I have a diagnosis. That’s a start.

2 comments:

THIGHS said...

Jesus. I'm going to kick Kay's arse!

Michael said...

Yeah, but you would be a HOT Hunchback.

Apple has made me the happiest boy in the world. The new iPhone update is so much fun!