Tuesday, March 28, 2006

detox day six

Lord, do I miss my caffeine.  Did you all know I love coffee?  Oh god I miss the stuff.  I could write a sonnet.  Or a symphony.  Or a soliloquy...
Day one of the detox I was in a fog.  Swear to god my brain was underwater with sand in the gears.  I felt rather as if I was extremely hungover - like all sounds and visuals came in through their respective channels and bounced right back out.  My own personal brain force field, lucky me.
Second day, worst caffeine withdrawals of my life.  I have quit the fabulous legal stimulant many times over, never have I experienced pain like this before.  My head throbbed, sound and light drove me mad.  I acquiesced and took some Tylenol, which only LIGHTENED the pain. 
Saturday and Sunday, blech, who needs caffeine when you can sleep?
Yesterday and today, days five and six respectively, have illuminated to a fine point my love for the drug.  It is not necessarily that I am sleepy, it is that my brain just works better on speed.
While in college for psychology, I recall being taught how it was that hyperactive children were able to be made calm by Ritalin, a stimulant.  Basically everyone's brain has a certain premium activity level.  If your brain by nature runs a little sluggishly, action must be taken to speed it up to the appropriate range, be it physical or pharmaceutical.  It seems I fall into that group.
Wait, did I just admit I was slow?
Anyhoo, working on a project this morning I could sense how close I was to premium working capacity, and could feel in every fiber of my being that if I just took a little sip of coffee my focus would be refined and my thoughts crystal clear.  Oh, the temptation, to enter back into the world of the synapse superhighway rather than the lowly unpaved dirt road that is my natural mind.
Oh, the willpower, are you all impressed?  If my tummy acts up during marathon training after all that I am doing for it I'm going to be one pissed off chick.

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