stage two

The second step in modern day courting rituals for Rockstar.

I have been ruminating quite a bit about what all these stages are, and polling many of my friends. DTH guy and I are still canoodling after a month, and we have gone on more than three dates. (Dates defined as making a plan and doing something together, not falling into bed after happening to be at the same bar for an event.)

We have also moved into a comfortable assumption of time being spent together - that we will see each other again within five days kind of thing.

This puts us to stage two. "Seeing Each Other."

Although several people know his secret identity (he is part of one of the bar distros I am on, therefore was not a stranger at time of initial hook-up) we have still been keeping our interaction on the down-lo. As we are assuming that we will continue for the foreseeable future, we are being less stealthy. Not trying so hard to hide what we are doing.

Not that I ever really am good at hiding much of anything. I tend to share my life in minutia with anyone who will listen. Oops.

detox day six

Lord, do I miss my caffeine.  Did you all know I love coffee?  Oh god I miss the stuff.  I could write a sonnet.  Or a symphony.  Or a soliloquy...

 

Day one of the detox I was in a fog.  Swear to god my brain was underwater with sand in the gears.  I felt rather as if I was extremely hungover - like all sounds and visuals came in through their respective channels and bounced right back out.  My own personal brain force field, lucky me.

 

Second day, worst caffeine withdrawals of my life.  I have quit the fabulous legal stimulant many times over, never have I experienced pain like this before.  My head throbbed, sound and light drove me mad.  I acquiesced and took some Tylenol, which only LIGHTENED the pain. 

 

Saturday and Sunday, blech, who needs caffeine when you can sleep?

 

Yesterday and today, days five and six respectively, have illuminated to a fine point my love for the drug.  It is not necessarily that I am sleepy, it is that my brain just works better on speed.

 

While in college for psychology, I recall being taught how it was that hyperactive children were able to be made calm by Ritalin, a stimulant.  Basically everyone's brain has a certain premium activity level.  If your brain by nature runs a little sluggishly, action must be taken to speed it up to the appropriate range, be it physical or pharmaceutical.  It seems I fall into that group.

 

Wait, did I just admit I was slow?

 

Anyhoo, working on a project this morning I could sense how close I was to premium working capacity, and could feel in every fiber of my being that if I just took a little sip of coffee my focus would be refined and my thoughts crystal clear.  Oh, the temptation, to enter back into the world of the synapse superhighway rather than the lowly unpaved dirt road that is my natural mind.

 

Oh, the willpower, are you all impressed?  If my tummy acts up during marathon training after all that I am doing for it I'm going to be one pissed off chick.

secret garden

There is a magical mysterious hidden place in New York City, and it is the High Line.

The High Line is a long closed above ground rail system in Manhattan. It has been closed off to all public access for years, and thus has become overgrown and wild. And intriguingly cool.

While walking the city, all you see from below are rusted girders and chipped cememt. It looks like industrial waste. But from above? Paradise. A secret garden.

Ever since I have heard about this place my imagination and heart have been captured, my interest piqued. And now they are going to renovate to make it into a public park! I am so stoked!

personal space

Lately I have been having this problem. I have been acting out strangely, and even though I catch myself doing it, sadly I realize too late after the fact. Once done, I immediately ask myself "Why, why, why???"

I have become a toucher.

For example, I will be in a meeting, and at some point I will have made a joke or engaged in a side comment to the person next to me, and then I reach out and touch their arm. Worse, often I touch it again ten or fifteen minutes later! Doesn't even matter who the person is, they could work with me, work in another department, or even be a vendor. It could be the most closed off, isolated, robotic person I know, and here I am invading their personal space.

What the hell am I doing???

This behavior has even extended outside of the boardroom. We are talking any time, anywhere. Elevator, bar, checkout line in the cafeteria, chance conversation on the subway platform, doesn't matter. A shoulder, the back, a tie, I see myself doing it like an out of body experience, all the time thinking "stop now! Don’t do it! No touching, leave them alone!!"

It worries me that I am creeping people out by doing this, but somehow it has become natural to me. I just don't want to be that freaky girl - the one who makes people uncomfortable by acting too familiar.

I wonder if this is some kind of mental backlash from working in a corporate environment too long. Argh, corporate life. They take away my sneakers and I become a social freak. Rock on.

on the wagon

My insides have been rumbling a tiny bit, so in the spirit of prevention I am back on the detox. Liquid diet for ten to fourteen days. Oh yeah.

One would think the fear of hunger would give me pause, or even the abstinence from caffeine, but no. No, my real apprehension lies with upcoming bar nights.

Next week there lie not one or two, but THREE birthday celebrations. It is sad, but I really have grown to rely on alcohol as my social lubricant. Why is it I believe I’m funnier, smarter, and more suave after I imbibe a cocktail or two? It is not as if most of my life isn’t spent sober (really, it is) and I’m just as witty.

So this of all things will be my big challenge for this fast. The small one will be getting my brain back, as the lack of caffeine is officially making me stoopid. My poor brain is sluggish with no signs of kicking into action any time soon.

snacking hell

I'm still haven't finished the damn things, here almost a week later. I have worked out a way to consume the bastards without having to spit, as spitting at work is not the best way to make friends and impress others. Sadly this method converts to approximately one seed per minute.

Yes, it was a big bag. Shoot me, it was 99 cents.

So sad

Last night when I got home I had a voicemail from apple, they had some questions about my application.  The second interview had gone off smashingly, if not strangely.  It was a group interview, myself and five other candidates, and we answered a few questions, had some discussion, and had a presentation to give.  At the end of the interview we were told that we would be contacted in seven to ten days with our job offers.

 

Whoa.  I was skeptical, how can they place me after just that?  But then the phone call.

 

It seems my initial doubts are true, I am overqualified.  In order to work at the store I would have to take a pay cut of over twenty grand.  I was willing to go down ten, that is how much I love the damn company.  Right now to go down that much would spell bankruptcy.  My recruiter was sad, I was sad, both of us expressed remorse at my inability to make the leap. 

 

I mentioned that in six months I will be debt free and revisit the jump, and she promised to keep me active in her mind especially if a new area opens up that I could fill that still meets my needs.

 

So sad I can't go to apple now, but my foot is in the door.  Someday I'll get past the threshold, goddammit!!

trends

Okay, so I think that a pattern has surfaced in what is bringing web traffic to my site:

straight men locker room sex
quadruple amputee wwi basket case
pictures of ejaculation fluids
men in locker room
straight men locker room shower

I don't think that my target audience is being hit here...

pure joy

A new cult classic is on the way. My god, these people are funny. Could this be better than Old School? TBD.

And here we have my next guilty pleasure. One look at the trailer, and I was hooked. I'm so stoked I'm almost ashamed of myself.

ugh

Lots of beer and maybe a couple of shots. Oh, the hangover. Obviously, as I am posting before eight am. A fabulous time was had, I even did a shot at lunch with my boss! Nothing speaks to corporate unity like drinking together.

Must get back to bed, I brought someone home with me. DTH guy showed up at my bar of choice, for that I had to reward him with a sleepover! All my friends thought it was sweet. Tonight I get to hang with Seattle Girl, who is in town. YAAAAAAAAY!!!

erin go bragh

You know, I didn't always like beer.

*Stunned silence*

That's right, when I started drinking at the ripe old age of 16 I was hardcore into the Sun Country Coolers. You know, the orange flavor that came in the two liter. (If you are too young to know of this marvel, so sad for you damn whippersnapper.)

Eventually I graduated from the coolers to rum and cokes to vodka and kool aid to tequila sunrises to jack and coke to southern comfort and mountain dew. Note the constant combination of sugar to my alcohol. Quite important to give sugar to an overly energetic teen while drunk.

It was such a relief to turn 21. All of my friends were older, they had been allowed to purchase alcohol and even gain entry to bars while I was a sad sad underage girl left to my own devices and their mercies.

A mere month after I turned 21 I geared up for my first legal St Paddy’s day, and decided that not only would I hit a REAL Irish bar (the Old Shillelagh for those familiar with Detroit), but by god I WOULD DRINK BEER. And drink beer I did. I started off with Harp, and eventually even started to drink of the mother's milk Guinness. I started to enjoy it. Problem was, I did not take the necessary time to acclimate to this new delivery system of alcohol to my blood, and may have consumed a drink or two more quickly than I should have.

Thus my first ever blackout. Oh, the nostalgia. I don't remember getting home, hell I don't remember throwing up. My sister and mom made sure to inform me of such actions. You know, because they care.

Since that faithful day, I have always loved beer. I try not to black out every time I drink it though. Sometimes I fail, but that is no fun because if I forget everything than what do I have to blog about?

May your St Paddy’s day be joyous, and as my 100% Irish father would tell you, may your best day of last year be the worst of the next.

Even better, one of my favorite toasts:

In life, there are only two things to worry about, if you are well or if you are sick.
If you are well, you have nothing to worry about.
If you are sick, you only have two things to worry about, if you live or if you die.
If you live, you have nothing to worry about.
If you die, you only have two things to worry about, if you go to heaven or if you go to hell.
If you go to heaven, you have nothing to worry about.
If you go to hell, it won’t matter – you’ll be too busy shaking the hands of all your friends to care!!

Cheers!

seriously

I just did algebra as part of my job. I'm not kidding. I could not figure out how to get a number, so I made up variables and did the damn thing. Note the proof:

If

N = G * (A/B)

then

N/G = A/B

1/G = (A/B) * (1/N)

and finally

G = (A/B) * N

Awww yeah, I am that urban legend.

calling all michiganders

Okay, here is the deal.  As I am the maid of honor and the only bridesmaid in my sister's wedding, it is my esteemed duty to throw the bachelorette party.

 

There is no truth to the rumor that really I am organizing because I am such a drinker and socializer.  Nope, no way.

 

Anyhoo, my sis has laid down a few ground rules. 

 

1)  No strippers

2)  Someplace equidistant from Ann Arbor/Tecumseh and Roseville/Warren.  (sis suggested Novi)

3)  No people taking off their clothes for money

4)  A locale in which we can reserve an area and activities are to be had.  (sis suggested Gameworks)

5)  No pizza or police men allowed who are feeling constricted by their apparel

6)  Alcohol should be served

7)  No hanging around people who have a longing for money being stuffed in their underwear

 

Now I call on you, my friends still in the wonderful mitten state, for some input and advice.  My sister does not play video games, and never did.  There HAS to be a fun place or two around Novi that focuses on something more down her alley?  We are not talking my alley, all I need is a lot of beer and a drunk corner to pass out in, thus my needs are easily served.  And this is her day.  Or at least the one before that day where she wears white and makes some kind of promise to some guy about sickness and jewelry.

 

Are there any dueling piano bars in the area, or any other fun adult type things?  Also, any hotel or limo/car service recommendations, specifically places you personally know are good?  I can search on the web like a mutha, but if ya'll have experienced some professional bliss I'd love to hear the good word.  (Or if you know places to avoid that is good info too!)  My sister said a hotel was not necessary, but I'd like to spring for a room or two to help relax the pressures of the evil word TOLERANCE that could incur from having to drive an hour home as certain parties may be prone to do.  That word is not needed at a bachelorette party thrown by me.

 

I mean at any bachelorette party for my sister.  Not about me, not about me...

 

Of course, any information will be accordingly rewarded with time and drinks spent with me during the long week before the wedding of which I will be in town, and most likely will also result an invite to the actual non-stripper night itself.  Cause that's how I roll.

 

Oh, and do you guys know any good stripper agencies?  Just kidding!!!  (Or not...)

by accident

I bought sunflower seeds with the shell on.  How the hell do you eat the damn things???

personal best

This is a training update, so I must warn that you are about to be inundated with all kinds of numbers and running lingo. Well, at least one or two.

Today I ran a four-mile race in central park and had my best time ever, a 9:51 minute mile, net time for the race 39:25! It was 50 degrees, and raining. The park was still dead and cold from the winter, trees barren of life. None of that mattered, running felt natural and fluid, I was in the zone from beginning to end.

This time means more to me than a notch on a board, it says to me that I can finish the marathon in my goal of four and half hours or less. Honestly, my times have been so mediocre that I have had doubts. I still have to shave off a couple more minutes (I have to run a 10K with an average 9:35 mile) by July 3rd when my training regimen begins, but now I have that little piece of me that knows I can. For gods’ sake, how much faster alone when I knock of these last fifteen pounds? Like lightning, I tell ya.

canoodling

I know you all are dying to hear how the dinner went last week.

Well I decided to go the trust my instincts, no recipe needed route. DTH guy is a self-proclaimed meat and potatoes guy, so I did meat and potatoes. I picked up the groceries, and made the following:

Cheese platter of gouda and parmesan romano
Antipasti of mixed olives
New york strip steaks with parmesan crust
Twice baked truffled mashed potatoes
Asparagus sautéed in ginger soy sauce
Finished with local bakery bought nut free brownies

Went off like a charm. He brought wine and flowers, so thoughtful and sweet. And the evening was perfect.

We talked, we laughed, and laughed some more. The conversation was delightful and flowing, no rough or awkward spots.

While grocery shopping I had a realization about why I had offered to make dinner, and later on I discussed with DTH guy. On our first date the previous Thursday, while picking up the check he had explained that he believed strongly in always paying the bill. It is more than just a traditional patriarchal ritual and more of the concept of treating me for the honor of my presence. Still sounds vaguely like prostitution, but I'll believe that's not the point.

Now, I happen to be a fiercely independent person, and have a very time asking for or even receiving anything. Someone buys me a drink at a bar; I buy them a drink and a shot. I just abhor the idea of being indebted to someone.

Knowing that any place we go he would pick up the check, how could I balance the scale? Cook dinner.

Yes, I have issues.

Upon realizing this, I came to terms with the idea that I will just have to learn to sit back and take it like a man. Pun intended. Since Saturday we went out two more times, and he came over last night after the Pisces bday party and spent the day with me today. In other words, things are going well. The more time we spend together, the more fun I am having with him, which is nice. We are officially to the canoodling stage of a relationship, in the rockstar dictionary. Soon I will post all the stages, just so ya'll can follow along accordingly.

And yes, he reads my blog. Keeps me honest.

One step closer!!

Just got this email:

To: bridget.rockstar@gmail.com
Subject: Apple

Hi Bridget!

Thank you for attending our interview seminars earlier in the week!
At this time we would like to invite you back for a second smaller group interview.

The interview will be taking place at the ******* building, and according to the availability that you gave us on your survey, we'll see you on Wednesday, 3/15 at 5:00pm.

We look forward to speaking with you again!!

Regards,

Andrea

Woo hoo!  Game on!

natural woman

Do you have something in your life that everyone wants but you just don’t care about? Maybe everyone loves Desperate Housewives and you just don’t have any interest, the world is insanely in love with KanYe but his music bores you, your whole family craves vanilla and you are perfectly happy living with just chocolate?

I was a tomboy growing up. When I was young my lack of femininity caused me insecurity and doubt in myself. It wasn’t until I got older that I learned that I not only am okay the way I am, I am pretty darn terrific. (I’m good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me…)

Eventually I learned the skills and bought the products (oh, the products) to become girlie. Or at least cute. I learned how to walk in heels, became comfortable in stockings, even occasionally wear jewelry. But by nature the most definitive instinct that supposedly exists for a female is still lacking. I am lacking a maternal instinct.

You know how someone comes into a room with a newborn and all the women start cooing at the baby and touching the baby and want to hold the baby…yeah no. I don’t love the baby smell, I don’t sense a longing for a child of my own, I do not wonder at the miracle of birth.

When I was in my late teens and early twenties and people would ask about kids I would always say “I don’t want children. I’M NOT SAYING I WON’T CHANGE MY MIND… I’m saying I have never wanted any and have a feeling I never will. AND I KNOW NEVER TO SAY NEVER.”

I had to 1) add in the defensive bit and 2) to yell because they inevitably would say, quite condescendingly “Oh, you’ll change your mind.” They just never could believe I could know myself well enough to make that kind of a statement.

Lordy, I always hated that.

Now that I am in my thirties my lack of desire to have children is easier to discuss in the open. Occasionally people still misinterpret my disinterest as a loss of hope in ever being in the right situation by the time the ole’ biological clock runs out. These days the doubters are much less common. Possibly because as I have gotten older I have so much going on and my life is so full. Maybe too my situation is a little more readily accepted because of prominent women figures that are admired despite their childlessness. (Gloria Steinem, Oprah…)

Who knows. All I can say is I never understood the allure of vanilla, but sure do love my chocolate. And I am so glad to be alive in a day and age where I am not burned at a stake or stoned to death for my “unnatural” views.

Oh, was that a bright side? Doh.

endurance

This morning, upon retrospect, I realized I have had drinks every night for a week.  Exciting life, diseased liver.

 

overwhelmed

The Apple job seminar was so exciting I almost cried. I would not be surprised if the entire time there was smoke coming out of my ears. The company is just so awesome, to work for them really would be a dream come true.

I asked some questions, some that were too sensitive to answer to the general public, which makes me nervous. Overall I think that they will call me for the next step, the small group interview. It looks like I really am overqualified for most of the positions they are hiring for, which just breaks my heart. It would be like seeing into heaven and then slamming the gates in my face.

Hope springs eternal.

Off I go to post-funeral lunch/wake/drinkfest to admit that I am not as strong tolerance-wise as boasted last night. Humility rocks.

hypothetical question

So if following a viewing for a dear departed irish loved one you were surrounded by seven strapping male second cousins and you yourself were the only female gender present, and - shot in hand - say you were to yell

"bring it on tommorow biyatches, I'll kick all your sorry asses!!!!"

Referring to drinks at the wake the next day, would you worry?

Aunt Margaret

The first time I ever came to New York was approximately 12 years ago when I was a grand age of 22 or so.  Three of my friends and two of my cousins decided to make the trip with me to celebrate new years eve in times square.  When I had initially mentioned my plans to my dad, he voiced that there was no need to find a hotel in the big apple, we had family to stay with.  Family which I had not seen since I was eight. 

 

At first I was wary, how do you call up people who are complete strangers and ask to stay for a few days with five people in tow?  I mean, they are family, but they are my dad's cousins...how removed is that?

 

Then my dad said the magic words:  "They are just like Aunt Pat, they love company."  My Aunt Pat LOVES entertaining, and with that I made the fated call. 

 

My god were these people excited to hear I was coming out.  Seems my dad was stationed in new york once upon a time when he was a young lad in the army, and he spent quite a bit of social time with these folks.  They adore my dad, and the excitement of having Reece's daughter out was almost too much for them to take. 

 

When we arrived to Tuckahoe we met the whole clan:  Joan and Ray, my dad's cousins, Ray Jr, Anthony, Jill and James (their kids) and of course Aunt Margaret, my dad's aunt and the matriarch of the Cooney/Meegan family.  We walked in that door and it was like coming home, they were so welcoming and generous.  It always amazes me how much family can have in common just because of our DNA. 

 

Right away we made the introductions and then IT WAS ON.  Drinks were handed out and we started playing asshole at 3pm, pre-gaming before we headed to the city for the ball drop.  Now, you know I felt right home since I could get to drinking right away.  It was just that much more amazing that all three generations were drinking and egging myself and my friends on. 

 

Then the moment of truth.  I lit up a cigarette, and realized my company.  Quickly I explained that my parents did not know I smoked, and asked my newfound family not to say anything.  My Great Aunt Maragret said in her raspy voice while laughing:

 

"Oh please.  I'm drinking and smoking and look at me!  I'm seventy-two and I'm fine!"

 

Awesome, absolutely awesome.  This really was my family.  It was the defining moment that I truly felt that I was among my own.

 

Aunt Margaret passed away this weekend, tonight I will be going to the viewing and hopefully attending the funeral tomorrow as well.  She was an amazing woman, and she lived long and full life.  The Irish family will all be coming together, and I'm sure that the joy she spread in her life will be celebrated and remembered with much aplomb.

 

Margaret B. Meegan

Born: November 27, 1921

Died: March 04, 2006

 

Services:Tuesday, March 7, 2006 at 9:30AM Immaculate Conception Church, Tuckahoe,NY Interment Woodlawn Cemetery

Visitation:Sunday 7-9PM Monday 2-4, 7-9PM

 

Margaret B. Meegan, nee O'Keefe, 84, died on March 4, 2006. Beloved wife of the late Joseph. Devoted mother of Peggy Dowd and her husband Pat, Joan Stabile and her husband Ray, the late Betty Ann Lubrino, Kathleen Cohn and her husband Walter and Grace Dellapi. Loving grandmother of seventeen. Cherished great grandmother of sixteen. Also surviving is Margaret's son-in-law, Ralph Lubrino. Friends may gather at Westchester Funeral Home, Inc., Eastchester on Sunday from 7-9 p.m. and Monday from 2-4 and 7-9 p.m. Mass of Christian Burial on Tuesday 9:30 a.m. at Immaculate Conception Church, Tuckahoe. Interment to follow at Woodlawn Cemetery

inspiration

Last night my bar night plans with my girlfriends didn't pan out, so I ended up watching Rent on DVD and tossing back a couple beers. The combination of the two resulted in the following, in order:

Light singing

Loud singing

Tears

Replaying the La Vie Boehm scene and acting out the dances in my living room

Replaying the Out Tonight scene and acting out the dance in my living room (very challenging endeavor)

Discovery and invention of speech for sister's wedding that made me cry

Determination I am an incredible speech-maker

Complete inability to recall said speech

Invention of blog post in my mind saying how much I miss Seattle Girl as she is such a neat person and cherished friend, making my self cry yet again due to my own verbal elegance

Texting DTH guy (named after the place of initial contact) saying "I miss the taste of your lips." Because such a normal thing to do.

Amazing how much one work of art can be the catalyst to so much.

Another inspiration I recently had to which I am utterly dumbfounded occurred yesterday morning. When discussing our next encounter, I offered to cook dinner for DTH guy.

Wha??? What the hell came out of my mouth? It isn't that I can't cook, I can follow a recipe, and even doctor it to make it better. It is that I honestly believe that paying someone else to do all the work is so worth it. Now I have to go shopping, prep and cook the damn meal, and then clean up. Since I am a bright side person, I am already looking to the challenge and adventure of it all, as I of course cannot prepare anything I already know how to make. Don't be silly, what would be the fun in that?

Said encounter is tonight, so off I go to find a recipe and get this thing off the ground. Wish me luck.

much love

All I gotta say is, I got five times the normal hits on my blog today than normal. Ya'll are dirty muthas. And that is why I am proud to call you my friends. :)

three times

Just in the first hour.

Oh my indeed. ;)

tribute

Yes, second day in a row without an original post from me, but this is too good to pass up.

I was forwarded this from Seattle Girl. How cool is that? Okay, maybe it is geek love, but that is the only love I know.

The date is still on for tomorrow night, so if all goes well no post until Friday. Oh, the suspense. Can you handle it?