clogged

Upon arriving home from Vegas I discovered that my shower head is clogged. This was determined when water sprayed out in all directions except the one it was supposed to. As I have not gotten out to a hardware store as of yet, I have resorted to baths.

Also backed up? My head and lungs. An excess of phlegm has caused me to stay home yesterday and today. I am comfortably drugged, almost enough to alleviate the guilt to starting the new year with sick days.

I love the word phlegm. Don't know why, I just do. I think I feel like I'm part of a special club for being able to spell it. Or maybe it is the twangy sound of the word. Dunno.

RECIPE FOR PHLEGM (as taken from "Why Do Men Have Nipples?" by Mark Leyner and Billy Goldberg, M.D.)

Ingredients
1/2 - 1 lb. fresh okra
1 - 2 cups water (the less water you add, the thicker your mucus will be)

Instructions
1. Chop the okra into large pieces and place them in a saucepan with a tight-fitting lid.
2. Add water to cover and boil the okra, about 10 to 15 minutes, until it is a dark grayish green and very soft.
3. Tun off the stove and remove the lid. Let your slimy substance cool.
4. Strain the slimy mess into a bowl and discard the okra.

At this point I don't know what you will do with the phlegm, but enjoy!