wants

Whenever I watch a movie where a character comes home for the holidays for the first time in a decade all I can think is...

You lucky bastard, how did you get away with it????

If you have been reading this blog for a while you know I am tortured by the holidays. I find a few bright lights to distract me from the gloom, but the whole going home thing is more damaging than healing for me.

For the first time ever I don't have to go home for Christmas this year. With the new job I have no vacation until 2007, and unlike the old gig I don't get the week between jesus' and the baby new years' bdays off. And christmas being on a Monday I would have to fly home ON christmas to work the next morning.

Ugh.

My loverly sister already broke the news to my parental units. Their reaction? Pretty much since it’s for the new uber job okay.

Damn, that was easy.

Oh the weight off of my shoulders. No one expecting me to be the perfect child, or even worse help everyone else feel like we are the perfect family. My ability to put others at ease is great, but being the one responsible for helping my family maintain some illusion of normalcy is just too much to bear. My parents are desperate to appear like the perfect family, and I am a star performer in their fantasy. Fortunately my drinking copious amount of Jack Daniels with my brother in law falls within this image, so I have been able to cope.

Now that I have been given my freedom suddenly I want to go back. But on my own terms. Thanksgiving, not xmas.

There are no romantic notions about thanksgiving. No universal love or giving or forgiving blah blah blah. Just eat a lot and sleep.

Honestly there are four reasons why I actually do want to go home.

1) The sister and bro-in law.

2) The marrieds. (Plus now one un-married in the state)

3) The Detroit connection.

4) That fourth thing.

There is a reason I actually want to go home this year that I have not told any of you suckers. If any of ya'll guess it I'll buy you a night of drinks. Ohhhhh the challenge...what is rockstar not willing to admit motivates her?

So bright side I may have more drinking time with my buddies this year, thanksgiving weekend tends to be less booked than the whole xmas gig. On the even brighter side I won't be depressed over the holidays this year.

Finally I get to decide what xmas really means to me, and celebrate how I see fit. How cool is that?