too much information

So I have this history of tummy troubles. I woke up Sunday night with some pain. It was sudden and kind of intense. Little bit of nausea. Luckily a couple of pills down the hatch and forty-five minutes later I was back in slumber land.

At the moment of awakening I realized I could have foreseen the incident and pre-emptively medicated. How? Well my friends, I had not taken a dump in two days.

And I still haven't...

I am seriously ten pounds heavier. It's like I'm carrying bags of sand around my waist, its crazy. My middle has expanded like two inches. My colon is carrying FIVE DAYS worth of food. The thing is, I would really like to fix this. I've tried fiber, water, cheese, beans, caffeine.....

As a last ditch effort, I have purchased laxatives. I went all out and bought the chocolate ones to "treat" myself. (Chocolate, in any form, is a treat)

Two doses later I am primed and ready.

Wondering how things will come out, aren't ya?