nesting madness

Well, so far the apt is great. Great to the level that all I do is try and figure out what to do next.

No, I have not finished unpacking. Stuff and crap is strewn about. Getting out of bed in the morning I hop, skip, and gimp my way to the kitchen.

Crazy thing though - I'm loving every minute of it. I am constantly on floorplanner.com seeing what I can find to fit where and how. Seriously, if you knew how much thought I've put into the size and location of my kitchen garbage can you would be appalled.

There is no rush to the process, I need to really think things through before spending my hard earned cash. Obviously.

Anyhoo, here are the pics of the place sans me.

We'll see how long it takes before it is complete enough for the next slideshow to be shared...

aspirations

Don't worry kids, you can still grow up to be a pirate. It almost seams surreal that this kinda stuff still happens in this day and age.

Of course, with the rate that gas prices are rising quite a few things may revert to some older times. Like the idea that drinking water from AROUND THE WORLD is a luxury again. No more $1 Hawaii H2O...

quandary

Is it possible for you legs to get jiggly-er throughout the day?

legen...

Wait for it...

...dary!!

miracle healer

HOLY CRAP MY KNEE JUST POPPED AND IS ENTIRELY BETTER!!!!

Yes I'm shouting. After a week of barely being able to walk and completely not being able to go up or down stairs my knee works again.

While unpacking I used a chair to put something up on top of my kitchen cabinets, and instead of very gingerly setting down on my bad leg I let it take a little more pressure. Right afterwards it hurt so badly I could not walk at all, and all I could think was "Why why why did it have to get worse again??"

So I sat my ass down on the couch and drank my coffee. When I got up a half hour later...no pain. But then I thought maybe it was a fluke. Which meant as an empirical being I had to test it. On the stairs.

Oh the reticence. You have no idea how much pain going down stairs has been this last week. Okay, maybe some of you do. So I was a little gun shy. But it had to be done. I walked out my front door, went down two steps...

And nothing!! At which point I ran up and down some more steps in glee. Free at last! Free at last! Thank god almighty I'm free at last!!

Not that I'm going to go running or anything today. Obviously somebody needs to strengthen some muscles so the knee doesn't go popping right back out again.

Ah, such a relief. Now I can finish taking out the garbage at the old place in a half an hour instead of two hours. Going up and down stairs with one good leg takes a LONG DAMN TIME.

stuff and things

Holy mother of god I have a lot of crap.

As per my standard I did the lion's share of my packing last night, the eve before my move. The movers were to arrive at 9:00 Saturday morning, plenty of time! My last couple of moves everything was packed and ready in five hours.

Okay, I had A LOT of help on the last move since I was just two weeks after hernia repair surgery. Seems I forgot about that.

Dude, I was packing until 5:00 am. Yes I took a break or two. An hour to nap, an hour to watch Battlestar Galactica. But still.

My previous standard of 20 boxes? Pshaw. I filled up 47 boxes and hadn't even packed my books. The movers had to do that for me. (BTW cannot recommend Oz movers enough. Of all the companies I used they were by far the best - quick, efficient, respectful, professional. And they brought me a soda.)

Thighs accused me of being a pack rat the other day. I scoffed. Denied. Defended. Growing up my dad filled our one car garage with stuff, and it drove us all nuts. When I say filled, I mean really filled. As in no car ever entered, and there was just enough space for a walkway. The floor was filled to our shoulders and all shelves and wall space was packed. No way was I going to end up like that!

After packing it hit me though. Goddamn she's right, I am a total packrat. I have hair dye from 1998 in one of my storage containers. My god I need help. Argh!

decisions

Thanks to Ali Girl I have two ideas for floor plans. No I didn't draw in the kitchen or bathroom. They are between the living room and bedroom in case you wondered.

I'm torn on how to arrange the living room furniture. What do you think?

Sofa in the big window nook with bookcase behind chairs and against free wall?

Or sofa facing people as they enter the room with bookcases behind it?


Oh decisions. Now I just have to find a couch and some chairs.

great quote

Read this online the other day. As much as I loathe to say it, I believe it was an Oprah article.

"One thing meditation's shown me," says Sharon Salzberg, author of "Faith: Trusting Your Own Deepest Experience" and co-founder of the Insight Meditation Society, "is that experience is one thing and our interpretation of it is another. The interpretation seems so solid and comes so quickly, we don't realize that there's space in there and that we have a choice of responses: compassion versus impatience, positive versus negative."

Incredibly well put. Just because you live through something doesn't mean you are the wiser for it. True wisdom is hard-won.

heh heh

yeah, just guess my politics...

Gimpy McGimpalot

Sorry for the lack of posting. Bet you all thought my recent resurgence was a fluke. But it wasn't! Just had some friends in from out of town. From Las Vegas and Detroit respectively.

Plenty of fun was had. Including a little jaunt in Central Park. Now I have been running for the last four weeks, doing the whole one minute run - one minute walk shebang. Weekend before last I did the loop in the park with no negative effects.

This weekend? Yep, busted my knee up again.

Being a gimp really put a damper on being a tour guide. Luckily doses of booze and plenty of guitar hero helped ease the pain. But now my right knee is twice the size of the left and climbing the stairs is quite an interesting experience.

The latest injury is entirely different from the last. Before I had no issues with stairs and it was more of an all-over pervasive pain. This time I cannot ascend or descent steps and every now and then I get a really sharp pain in my knee that stops me short. And if I kick something on accident?

Forget about it.

So R.I.C.E. it is for me. (rest, ice, compression, elevation) until I can get back to my joint doc. This definitely will make packing a challenge. Moving not so much, because of course once again I have movers. Thank the gods.

humor

Lord I love Scrubs. I had no idea how much until I Netflixed (has this word made it to the dictionary yet??) them all - from season 1 on, consecutively.

If you love it like me, check out this trivia quiz. I keep playing but can't beat 8 out of 10.

Yet.

You know, I think that strike gave the writers time to really pull out some good stuff again. The show was getting stale there for a while. Tonight? Awesome.

Just in case tonight's comedy prime time didn't provide enough laughter, feast eyes on one of the joys of NYC life. On my way home I spotted this couple clad in...well...
Some kind of knit wear. Dude. They guy has knit pants under his knit tunic.

You just can't make this stuff up.

dammit

So going through my old catalogs looking for decorating ideas I came upon AllPosters.com.

Some potential pieces to buy, it is yet to be seen. It is hard to justify buying canned art in a city where there are genuine original items available on the streets.

The thing that gets me is about 25% of the catalog is devoted to those cheesy inspirational posters. You know what I'm talking about, pictures of people climbing mountains and rowing teams mid-race with platitudes about courage and teamwork. Blah blah blah.

Then I went and found my new motto. Are you ready?

No really, are you sure?

Okay.

.

.

.

Doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full if you have a lot of glasses.

Fits, doesn't it. Goddammit. You know what really sucks? It is a playboy quote.

Again, dammit.

zzzzzz

So tired. I think the stress finally kicked my arse.

Came home from work and fell asleep. Now I'm awake. But I'm too tired.

Too tired to start notifying people of address change.

Too tired to clean for house guests coming this weekend.

Too tired to do laundry.

Too tired to cook a real dinner.

Too tired to stay up, will go back to bed.

if only

Why doesn't sweating burn calories?

Seriously. When I hit the gym I sweat. A lot. As in I have to wear a cap because I will short out my earbuds. As in my shirt is drenched every time. As in by the time I finish my cardio and hit the weight machines my baseball cap literally drips sweat.

Each and every time at the gym.

Isn't it hard for the body to work that hard to stay cool? Shouldn't it take a lot of energy for the body to re-hydrate??

C'mon, give us sweaters a cookie here. Literally. Enough calories to eat one that is. There should be some sort of compensation in the universal karma for all that laundry that has to be done.

happy thoughts

Now I have my new apartment to look forward to. I have not had a chance to get in again to measure the joint, but I have prepared a floor plan in preparation.

On a really bright note, there was a discovery that I made on my way home from a run in the park. Looking at the front of the building I noticed that I have a terrace. When viewing the apartment initially before making an offer I thought it was some kind of fire escape. Upon closer inspection it is a legitimate outdoors area, confirmed by the fact that four floors above there is a full sized barbecue grill residing on a similar balcony.

How the hell did I find an apartment that I can afford with my laundry list AND a terrace? To quote the sound of music, at some time in my youth or childhood I must have done something good.

Here is the layout of the apt, can't wait to get some measurements so I can plan the furniture!!! In the meantime I can spend my time pricing out movers and notifying the myriad of companies of my address change. All the fun stuff that goes with moving, you know.

grief

As you could tell from my last post, Thursday was a tough day. One of my employees passed away, a young woman survived by two children. She had worked for the company for eight years and was close to many people there.

Seeing as I was her boss, I had to keep it together for a while. Her husband had contacted me, and I had to contact my bosses, HR, other division heads, and most importantly the rest of the department. My boss was very supportive, right there with me for most of it. But being that myself and the rest of my staff spent every weekday with this woman we were definitely hit the hardest and mainly where people looked for information.

In dealing with this tragedy I learned a couple of things about myself.

First of all, alcohol really does help me deal with my feelings. I wouldn't use the phrase numbing them, I would rather say it evens them out. Instead of ranging from extreme emotion to extreme emotion, drinking allowed me to sit down and talk through the whole experience. It evenly distributed the sadness. Thighs and the guy on my team spent the afternoon at the bar with me, and it made the world of difference.

Secondly, I absolutely refuse to my core to reveal my emotions in any kind of public. When my boss offered, even insisted, I talk though my feelings I got choked up for a minute and then said, "I don't do that." Across the street at the bar I started to get teary but fought like hell until the tequila did its job.

But my god when I was finally on my own I let loose. Walking home I wore my sunglasses to hide my red teary eyes, and then as soon as I made it inside my apartment I was wracked with sobs. The pain and sadness was so great I was reduced to rocking in the fetal position just crying. I cannot even think of the last time that I was that wrecked.

Friday was much easier. More people knew as a company email went out, but in a way talking so much to so many really helped me. I had moved past the worst of the shock and pain. Enough so that it wasn't such a burden to do what I could for others.

On that note, a sincere thank you to everyone who did reach out. Unfortunately this woman cannot be here to receive these words of kindness. All of these thoughts really are about her, couched in my trying to understand life with her gone. In some sad way it really is the last of what we can give her, our thoughts and energy. And I do believe she gets both.

heartbroken

Fuck it.

I'm not going to lie; I'm not going to hedge words. Screw the job.

Today I received a call that one of my employees had passed away.

It was terrible.

Yes, I knew there were problems. Yes I tried to help. Yes I feel like I could have done more. Yes I feel like my position at the job held me back.

Goddamn it none of those things matter to her children.

I am heartbroken.

.

.

.

Because of who I am and who I strive to be - at the job I will be strong. I will help people try to understand while being discreet. I will help people to grieve; I will listen and try to help them understand.

But I am heartbroken.

.

.

.

I am the kind of person who is perceptive, who sees things. Yet I missed that one moment.

For that moment, for what I feel I could have done.

I am heartbroken.

apartment panic

Somehow I have gone and done it. I've found a new apartment.

Crap.

Don't get me wrong; it has the laundry list I was looking for. Also the rent increase is not quite as bad as I thought it would be, especially since in the new place utilities are included.

It is just so goddamn hard to wave goodbye to the money to seal the deal. Five figures people. Out of my pocket. The broker fee alone was just over four grand.

Oooooh sweet green moola, I will miss you. You and your potential. All the myriads of things you could have been. Like quitting the job or traveling the world. Or...buying something expensive. Okay, maybe I didn't have that many ideas of what to do with the cash. Wasn't quite ready to save to own a place quite yet anyway, so that wasn't on the list. Really, how could I save a min of 60K? Dude, that is just sick.

Tomorrow I sign the lease. Once the money is out of my bank account and I'm legally bound to a new landlord the feeling of my stomach in my shoes will subside. But until then my brain is dashing in circles asking if I really am that tired of stairs or if I could find an even better place or if I could find a cheaper place or OH MY GOD THE MONEY WILL BE GONE.

Only then can I start the mad analysis of furniture placement. Yes I make charts. Lots of them. For ultimate floor plan arrangement. Oh the possibilities.

squints

Given my druthers if I had to choose a TV character to be I would be Bones all the way. Dr. Temperance Brennan from the TV show Bones that is.

Not because she gets to engage in verbal foreplay day in and out with ex-vampire current FBI employee Agent Booth. But because I think being that smart is totally cool. And maybe a little bit because I totally relate to her sense of humor. Or lack thereof.

My wish TV identity used to be Alias, but that show jumped the shark and being a double agent spy lost its allure. Good thing for me, since having pseudogout could potentially inhibit my escape options.

Yes, this is what I think about in my spare time. Too much time at the gym can do that to a person.