buzzed

So let's say you go out for an evening, and your blood alcohol level is definitely above .10.

Now let's say there is a mosquito that has been terrorizing you for a while.

One plus two equals a drunk mosquito. Who loses all gumption and instead of going back to his hiding place pops a squat on the wall a food from my head. In my hangover haze I reach out to squish the small spot I see on the wall and POP goes my blood.

New method of pest removal, getting them buzzed. Saweet.

radio silent

Sometimes I just don't call. Or write. Already I'm infamous for not calling back, but sometimes I cut off all communication altogether for a while. Kzoo Jen says I go “radio silent”.

I don't know why I haven't felt like blogging. Maybe I'm tired. Maybe work is draining. Maybe instead of stopping running after the marathon I've stopped pontificating. Don't know.

You can be sure I'll eventually get back into my old stride. If anything the fact I have kept this thing going for two years already speaks to this being part of my nature, a kind of natural outlet.

In the meantime, I'm totally stoked about my new years party! In Detroit back in the day I threw one or two successful ones. What is better than spending quality time with some of the most amazing people I know? No better way to ring in a new year. Period. And I'm so grateful that I can be the happy host and treat the people in my life to this shebang. Sugar momma for a night before I start saving for my next life path. Whatever that path may be.

TCB

Guess who's going back to Graceland...more commentary to come.

christmas eve

Not going back to Michigan for the holidays, here is a taste of how my time is being spent:

muggle watch

No release date yet, but the next Harry Potter will be titled:

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

You may return to your regular programming.

spreading holiday love

Here is an old post reheated for some fresh holiday cheer. Have a good one!!

Okay, time to take it down a notch. How about a good xmas story?

Reader, you may be unaware of this, but I was a Santa’s Helper for three years running. In a mall, of course. I did grow up in suburbia, after all.

This is humorous in that I really don't have a liking for children. I don't necessarily dislike them perse, they just aren't my thing. Thus, my employment as a Santa’s helper was pretty much a nice seasonal gig for some extra moola.

I started being a Santa’s helper when I was 21. Old enough to drink and vote, and pretty much old enough to have quite the cynical eye about what was going on.

There was the Santa Claus who worked there every year. He had been doing it for fifteen years, mostly for the happiness it brought the children. He was pleasant enough, though mildly lecherous behind the scenes. At least once a night he would offer me a "ride in his sleigh, ho ho ho".

Then there was the Santa Claus who had just gotten out of the navy. The ink was still fresh on his tattoos below the Santa suit. We went on a couple of dates, but I was a bit put off because this Santa was more interested in the naughty girls - if you know what I mean - wink wink nudge nudge. Yes, I was rather a prude once upon a time. Hard to believe now, but back to my story.

My favorite was the Santa who had an electronic tether on his ankle. You know, an at home prison monitoring system. He was allowed to get groceries and go to work, but that was it. I don't know what he was convicted of, but he did not have wandering hands so I'm thinking it wasn't necessarily bad for him to be around children. Just funny in that who would think your local Santa was a convict? Not a bad idea to ask around about that kind of thing, huh?

Santa had a pretty crappy job. Parents waited with eager children for over an hour for their chance to chat with that jolly figure.

An hour in line with sugar and toy crazy children could wear down a saint, and most parents when they got to the end were pretty much at the end of their rope.

There is a little known fact that there is a five foot force field that surrounds most Santa Clauses. It is not detectable by adults, but when a child crosses it they experience an unbelievable amount of terror and freeze on the spot. Thus the child not only tends to scream, cry, and flail in fear at Santa, but quite often pees on him as well.

When a child would pee on Santa what would we do? Why, put the kids on the other knee, of course. Santa got to change only when both legs got wet.

So now you have the terrified child crying horribly on Santa’s lap, and an exhausted parent who waited for an hour for this glorious moment to be recorded forever by photograph or video. (No DVD yet, this was some time ago.) The parent would not give in lightly, Santa had to keep each crying child on his lap for at least five minutes while we tried in vain to get a smile, grin, or at least a calm look for the photograph.

I became very good at the line "Can we just take the picture now? I promise some day when he/she is all grown up you will look at this picture and laugh..."

I offered to work the register a lot.

When you worked the video camera you got the best insight of all, because Santa wore a microphone. I overheard all kinds of requests for puppies, bikes, skateboards, and video games. But a few wishes stick out in my mind.

I remember the little girl who told Santa that she did not want any toys this year, she just wanted Santa to help her dad find a job.

Or the little boy who wished that Santa would deliver a gift to his little sister; he didn't need anything - he just could not bear to see her get let down.

Or the little boy who wished that his mother would get over her cancer.

These things really happened. The christmas spirt really does exist. There is kindness and generosity in this word, and children can be beautiful, gentle, and pure.

When you are Santa, how do you respond? You only have a minute to reply.

The Santas were pretty good, they would say something like "I'll do the best I can, but this is something that I don't know if I or the elves can really do anything about. You have been very good all year, keep praying and we will try our best."

The children believed that Santa would try, and that is what really counted.

The amazing thing is that the children had no idea how much they had given to us. Faith in humankind is hard to come by.

On that note, I wish you and yours a safe, merry, and happy christmas. And a hope that we all can believe that Santa Claus will continue to try.

(originally posted 12/25/04)

feed me

I would like to introduce you to Seymour:



Seymour is a dionaea muscipula, more commonly known as a venus flytrap.



See, I asked my sister for a fly swatter for Xmas. Because I have a house fly that has been living with me for a month. Really. I actually talk to him at this point. The conversation goes like this

"Bzzzz" *fly by*

"Damn you! Stupid bastard fly!"

Attempt to murder Mr. Fly.

Failure to murder Mr. Fly

"Bzzzzz" *victory lap fly by*

Me shaking my fist in the air "damn you, damn you to hell!"

Yes, I really do shake my fist at the fly. You would too, trust me. Hopefully my natural way to assassinate the bastard will work. Good start to the Xmas gifting, is it not?

****************

On another fun note, eBay totally did work. Sold my desk for $72 and someone picked it up this morning. My apartment actually looks twice as big. I can fit at least five people (standing) in the newly vacated space. Just in time for the new years party. Saweet.

It was so easy and went so smoothly I'm actually thinking of other things to sell. I'll definitely unload my futon that way whenever I end up getting a new couch. Which will happen AFTER new years, as said couch need not be destroyed within a week of purchase. Not that I don't damage or destroy everything I own, but I would like to go a month. Is that too much to ask?

***************

This last bit I have been going back and forth in my mind deciding whether to post or not. If I use enough code it should work, so here we go.

Every Friday at work I chair a meeting. Yesterday as I went to enter the conference room three people were in it. They all looked familiar, but one not from the job. It took me about ten seconds to realize that this person was one of the top 20 most famous bloggers out there who I happen to read almost every day, and I had recognized this person from photos on the blog. Blogger celebrity sighting!!

Of course being me I said something - confirmed identity and mentioned that I am a big fan, love the sight. This person seemed less than happy, so I even tried to make a joke to lighten the mood. Making them leave the conference room shouldn't be that big of a deal, should it?

After the meeting I went to catch up on the blog. The reason for the discomfort? Heh, seemed that my company had sued this person, and even though still kind of stuck doing business with us there was general worry mentioned on the blog that my company was reading the site to monitor for more legal action. By being all friendly I was helping to realize this person's fears. That I was some spy that would be causing her future trouble.

Dammit.

What went to being really awesome became terrible. I sent this person an email explaining that I was of no harm and offering my services to navigate the corporate landscape. But if in their position would you believe me? Hard to do, I'm sure.

*******************

Finally, I may not be out taking part but the Santa Pub Crawl still totally rocks!!




Holiday cheer is best served with alcohol, need I say more?

celibrations

I have my work holiday party tonight. I love free alcohol. *sigh*

too cool

Okay, so maybe I'm getting addicted to you tube. But you will indulge me my vices once you watch this...



(iTunes has a version for purchase with much better resolution. But that costs money and stuff.)

clearing out

Some things you just can't give away.

No, really.

I decided to buy myself some grown up furniture. You know, anything but my futon. Big step, I know. Especially with the whole grad school thing still in my head. It doesn't have to be a lot of furniture. Just something comfy for my poor aging back. All the running wears a girl down.

But I digress. As part of my move I am trying to unload my desk. With the laptop I don't need it. Just a file box and it is replaced and I have more space in my apartment. Saweet.

So I go to eBay, start the bidding at a dollar. Solid cherry wood desk with chair. Admittedly it has a scratch or two, but someone has to want it, right? So far one bid for the dollar. In four days. Seriously.

Guess the whole having to arrange their own pickup to carry it down the five flights of stairs may be a deterrent.

Whatever. Wimps.

new years

Just because I love all you damn people...

true holiday cheer

As you may remember, the annual drunken santa pub-crawl is one of my most favoritest things to see every year. All that drunken holiday joviality just gives me a nice warm feeling deep down inside.

But you know what? Enough of just standing on the sidelines, I want in! Who's with me?!?

passions

After my completion the marathon everyone wants to know one thing.

Am I still running?

Marathons seem to often produce running burnout. All that time and energy for so many months leading up to the pinnacle of physical torture. Not so surprising that people pull back from the sport and run the other way.

Pun totally intentional.

Me? Still jogging. Thing is I love the sport even more. That is what is amazing.

See during training all you do is push yourself farther than you have ever gone before, and then once you accomplish that you push yourself farther again and again...basically you are always striving for an ideal that you really don't know if you can make.

Now running is about seeing what I can do as a normal person, not a superhero. For example I signed up for a 10K this weekend, so this past Sunday I ran six miles just to prep. Since the marathon the longest run I have done has been three miles. Guess what - doing the six was no problem. I felt good, healthy, motivated.

Oh riiiiight, the way you are supposed to feel after exercising. Not broken and bruised.

I'm so happy that I love running even more now. That I feel stronger and better at the sport. This 10K is going to rock!!

And no, I still don't want to ever run another marathon ever again. I'll stick with nothing longer than 13 miles thank you very much.

easy fun

Just because obviously regular sex wasn't interesting enough on its own.

Personally I'd like to see one of those as a muppet. Just because I am twisted in that special, special way.

xmas music

My latest favorite Christmas Song, hands down.

Oh, and a quick shout out to the Black Friday party hosted by La la la and Marathon Man. Once you listen you'll know...

Links will only work with iTunes. If you don't have - sorry loser.

choices

This morning, like any other, I was listening to NPR as I was getting ready for work. At one point I completely stopped my routine to listen when I heard a woman say:

"I believe I always have a choice. No matter what. I have a choice."

The woman who was speaking is a writer diagnosed with ALS - most commonly known as Lou Gehrig's Disease. She has already lost the ability to use her hands to write, and slowly she will lose more and more of her bodily functions until eventually she loses the ability to breathe on her own, and then even her life.

One of the hardest challenges for her orginally was that she was a self-declared "fiercely independent and private person". It was completely against her nature to accept help let alone ask for it.

Instead of losing her livelihood, she dug down and took a year to teach herself how to use voice recognition software. Which she said was incredibly difficult but has allowed her to continue to write. Now she writes more than she ever did.

Likewise Instead of giving up and becoming isolated and alone, she learned that relying on her friends and family was not only the worst thing in the world, but has made her life sweeter and richer.

We all succumb to helplessness once and a while. We can feel unaccomplished, lost, or like failures.

Maybe, just maybe, we can recognize where we stand is a direct result of choices we have made. And then make some new ones. I'm not saying we choose to be sick or to have bad things happen to us. But we do chose what to make of them.

At some point I chose to run the NYC Marathon. That may seem like one decision, but I had to choose many times along the way to continue on that goal. Every single Saturday morning for four months I chose to wake my sorry ass up early in the morning and do a long run. I chose a couple of hours of discomfort because it was more important to me to be a person who had conquered a marathon.

Next time I find myself complaining about something I simply need to think of Catherine Royce, the woman with courage enough to still accept that she has a choice. That she always has one.

Or if that is just too darn sappy for you, I could quote the movie Trainspotting:

”Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourself.
Choose your future.
Choose life.”

holidays

Oh yes, it is that time of year. The time where we have our annual Petey Holiday Party.. Friends getting drunk, exchanging secret santa gifts, and laughing an awful lot.

So much fun, yay!!

seattle girl

I'm not a big family person. Now as far as siblings go I totally lucked out with the sister, and that rocks. I have some cool cousins and whatnot, but by nature I don't go to blood first. My family is not defined by DNA.

Take for example Seattle Girl.

She is not from Seattle at all, she just happens to live there now. We became friends through work.

Granted, I have had a lot of jobs and have made a lot of friends that way. (Yes all of you, proof positive)

Each one of my friends are unique and the stories even more so. Seattle Girl started at the mighty bird a month after me. The difference? Oh, let's see...I was a brand new assistant starting in the publishing world with all these weird jobs under my belt, and she was ten years rich in the publishing world having taken a good part of the previous year off to backpack across Europe.

To me at first she seemed pretty distant, but everyone at a senior level was.

Now of course RFW started the job five months later, and did not understand that kind of social striation. She was better at bridging the class lines of the job, inviting our bosses out to our social functions and whatnot. Still Seattle Girl was not always available to hang, be it from her own social obligations or her fear of our low level worker inappropriate behavior.

Over time I worked harder, and got promoted. Over time I would just stop by Seattle Girl's office to talk. Not just because I enjoyed it, but because I thought she was cool and stuff and wanted to help her de-stress from her job. I knew I could do her that much, if nothing else.

I sound so nice, but often I stopped by to talk because she is really fun to talk to in general. She is neat and stuff. Anyhoo, back to the story.

Then over time once and a while she would stop by my office to talk. It wasn’t just me reaching out, to help her; it was her reaching out and then also opening up in a reciprocal fashion. We were able to become friends when we realized that work would never be an issue. I would never do anything with work that would put our friendship in any jeopardy.

Looking back now I realize how hard this must have been for her. I mean, I was a subordinate, her getting too close could be so much trouble, what if I was a lazy ass or just screwed up, or hell just didn't work very hard. Luckily for me I would never put my friend in a bad position. Never would I go home early if I thought she would have to pick up where I left off. In general I am a workaholic and care too much about what I do, but if I even thought for a moment that I was putting a friend out because I didn't do enough? No way.

Because we were friends I would work even harder to make sure that there was no way that I was taking advantage professionally of our friendship, and was working to prove that more even than I was working to prove I was a good worker. Being friends with her made me a better employee and made me a million times better of a worker. Because I could never let work get in the way of a friendship, work is easy and good friends are rare.

Best part - I totally won in that deal. Seattle Girl is an amazing person. She is incredibly smart, witty, and selfless. Oh, and tough and strong and cool too.

This is where I am so lucky. Seattle Girl is one of those people that I find amazing and inspirational. She is the kind of girl who can hang and chill in a large group of people, keeping everyone at ease, or take any one individual person and make them feel like the most important person in the world. All of this and think nothing of it. She is a master at making other people like themselves, and if there were more people out here like her world peace would be a graspable concept instead of a pipe dream.

Most amazingly she is one of the most empathetic people I have ever known. She really cares, really looks into other people’s lives, and tries to understand their experiences. This is an absolutely amazing ability for any person who has lived in NYC for over five years. And she had not lost a bit, had it down pat. She is the kind of person who will immediately discount her own pain in favor of another’s.

There are a million tiny particles that bind us together as friends that I cannot define. All I know is no matter what time or distance comes between us I am sure that we are friends and that is something that is constant. This is someone who I know and trust.

That is not something I do lightly.

Thus no matter what time or distance may pass, this is someone I call family.