apartment angst

So today on a craigslist overload whim I decided to look at some new apartments. Because I have lived in mine for three and a half years...must be time to move.

Technically I have a really great deal. A mere $1450 for a one bedroom in hell's kitchen. Half a mile to work and half a mile to the park, surrounded by cool bars and restaurants.

But...it is the fifth floor of the walkup. And it is kind of falling apart. And there is no doorman so I have to have packages sent to my work. (Except for the spanx ones, which I arrange for Saturday delivery. My co-workers need not know the amount of spandex that coats these thighs.) And there is no laundry in the building so I end up dropping off as opposed to lugging the damn loads blocks away. And if I'm really given my druthers I'd be closer to the park.

Yes you have heard it before. Tonight I bit the bullet and viewed six places. Ranging from $2200 - $2550 a month.

*Choke*

The kicker is not one place had all of the missing elements I long for. My favorite thus far was really close to the park with an elevator, not so much on the laundry and package delivery. This place was a mere monthly $2500.

When I came home to review my choices I found a place that had all my items. For this dream apartment I would have to pay $2650.

How the hell can I justify to my middle-class sensibility to make the move? When I could save that extra $1200 a month and quit my job and travel the world? Or just spend that $1200 a month on anything else? ANYTHING ELSE?!?!?!?

And here you have witnessed someone talking herself out of a dream apartment. Maybe you can put a price tag on your dreams after all.

adventure

You know the end of March is here. Guess I have a lot to talk about.

This past week I was sent to Fort Myers Florida for a sales off-site. Tuesday thru Friday. It was sunny and 75 everyday and the resort was gorgeous and lush on the gulf with two pools, a tennis court, a spa, and a fully stocked fitness center.

Not bad.

It would be the first time I got to go to, as I like to call it, a swag fest with this company. Was lucky enough to go on one with the previous one.

When going on one of these things I am immensely flattered. There is always as much downtime as there is meeting time. Sure you have to be 'on' for the social events, so it isn't necessarily 100% percent restful. But the food and booze is free for several days, who can knock that?

Being in such close quarters gave me the chance to get to know my peers much better, which is always fun. At this job it has been hard to crack the surface of folks. Most likely because I am the enforcer and the problem solver. Rarely is there a phone call from me that is good news.

Whenever there is a lull in a conversation I can always rely on one of my tried and true stories to get it going again. Drop a line about being a flight attendant, meeting Michael Jackson, working for GM, or being a carnie and the questions that follow always tranistions into more interesting dialogue.

Thing is, as time goes on I become more and more painfully aware that all my stories are being repeated more often. Because I stopped making new ones a few years ago. As far as anecdotes go I have been boring as hell for the last five years. The more money I make, the more responsibility I get, and the more secure my life is...the less life I'm living.

Now this is not a shock to you or me. I've talked about this before. And I've got a plan to get back into the game.

Just as an initial disclaimer the F and S goals had nothing to do with my next career choice. The bravest moment in my life will have nothing to do with jobs. I can always find a way to get paid. But that reveal is for tomorrow.

Honestly I do know what I want to do next. I am such a spontaneous person; I have been chomping at the bit to make the change. It has been a comfort knowing there is a way out, but torture at the same time.

In order to make my next move I have to put some things into place, and my challenge at this point has been patience. I want the change to happen NOW.

On the way to Florida I happened to look out of the plane window and see this river down below. For your benefit I snapped a pic with the iphone.

Looking below I was entranced by the way the river twisted and turned. Sometimes it stopped in a lake, or even went backwards for a bit.

Why? Thinking about it I could not get why it just didn't go directly into the ocean. The shortest distance between two points is a straight line - yet here this river bent and moved in every way but how it logically should.

Then it occurred to me that nothing in nature is straight. By looking at our lives on a neat orderly calendar or by counting the minutes or hours of a day we trick ourselves into believing that life is meant to move forward in a regimented fashion. But it doesn't. Our lives twist and turn, sit stagnant for moments and at times even move in reverse. Life is a journey, and the direction at any given time is immaterial. Eventually you will get where you need to go. In your own time and on your own path.

lazy

Sorry for the lack of posting, feeling rather uninspired. This can keep you busy for a hot minute...

Do you think when James McAvoy realized he'd get to make out with Angelina Jolie he nearly died with joy?

And if something a little more inspired is your style...

DST

You know what occurred to me? All daylight savings time sums up to is the government tells us all to wake up a goddamn hour earlier.

All of us. Who the hell do they think they are?

Honestly, if they wanted to swing business hours banks could have DST hours, 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. Same result, right? That is why most jobs have the stereotypical nine to five schedule.

Damn the government for getting my ass out of bed sooner in the morning. Damn them to hell.

Not that I'm bitter or anything.

Who needs sunlight anyway? Not me. (Says the girl on prescription doses of vitamin D)

foregone conclusions

Well, the birthday party went off without a hitch. Lots of good friends and lots of good beer, of course many thanks to everyone who came! The Guinness Lady was in the bar so everyone got a free brew or two, adding to the joy.

And I got a balloon!! Haven't gotten one of those since high school. Which is fun to think about since that was half of my life ago. When I was blond with long curly hair. If my scanner ever works I'll be happy to share. Heh.

One thing of note is I realized not only am I the girl of one hundred and one analogies, I am also a girl of a thousand and one theories. Seriously, there are things like the law of gravity and the theory of relativity...and then there are my tried and "true" observations.

For example, I have a theory about the perception of time in our lives. Most people will agree that as you get older time seems to fly by faster and faster. I have discovered that you can slow it down again. All you need to do is instigate some big changes. Big ones, nothing small here. Like move to a completely new area. Get a new job. Buy a home. Have a child.

Anyone who has done those things will testify that the bigger the change the slower time goes again. As you get more used to the situation then time speeds back up. That's why the first year with a baby lasts forever and every detail is noticed, but by the time the child hits 12 it is nearly impossible to keep up with their favorite color because it changes so 'quickly'.

Here is where the analogy comes in. Just envision your perception of time when you are finding your way to a new location with directions. Every street, every sign, every landmark is important. Nothing escapes your attention and every detail is tantamount. Now think to the 100th time you go to the same place. Half the time you don't even notice or remember the journey anymore. And while the first time just going a mile felt like it took an hour but now it goes by in a blink of an eye.

So the question is...which do you care about more? Comfort and security or grasping every moment and savoring it?

Bet you can all guess my answer.