free booze

I love getting invited to company events....that have an open bar.

Promise me some complimentary beverages and I'm golden. By nature I'm comfortable with mingling, and can navigate social situations fairly easily.

So needless to say I was stoked to get invited to a party by my boss' boss. Along with four other hand picked invites. Seems I've been selected as one of the worthy ones. Or fun ones, take your pick. Then I noticed a line that I never see on the email.

This is a black tie event.

Errrrrr. I've had drinks with the bigwigs a few times in my life. But I never had to dress up or anything. Dude, I'm going to have to buy a dress. A nicer dress.

And Shoes. Like, heels and stuff. They type you don't walk home in.

One thing I am not is a shopper. I have my staple clothes and I have my staple shoes.

All this ran through my head within seconds after reading the line, and I couldn't help but laugh out loud. What I go through for a free drink, I tell ya.

scales

It is so not a joke. A dating site where you are only allowed to join if a committee votes you as an 8 to 10 on the hotness scale. 10 being highest of course.

Really

mnemonic weddings

See, I thought Ev and K were kind for picking June 10th as their wedding date. Since my sister got married the same day in '06, no way I could forget to show up.

Then La La La and Marathon Man brought out the 8-8-08 date. Saweet.

And now? Ali Girl and Fish are getting married...

Wait for it

Wait for it

9-8-07.

Seriously. These are the weddings I have to remember. Luckiest bastard EVER.

need a little help

It was a really hard lesson to learn, but no one takes advice. Even if they seem like they listen a little bit. Nada.

But that's okay. Everyone has a life path to follow, and important lessons most often need to be paid for. Knowledge sticks a little better if you earn it. For whatever reason things that are just handed to us seem worthless, and god knows advice comes damn cheap.

So what do you do when your friend is in an abusive relationship? How many times do you support them when they cry on your shoulder, only to have them run back into the arms of their abuser? Only a week ago they were nursing their wounds, and now they are looking for any glimpse of hope to forgive. I'd say forget, but that doesn't seem to be a problem at all.

I don't know what to do. We all want to protect the ones we care about. When you see a friend in pain don't you feel that pain as well?

Do any of you have experience with this kind of thing? How do you forgive your friend for staying?

Like I said, I already learned people don't listen. But how can I learn to stay and have to watch?

girls always date jerks

We've all heard it said. Chicks always go for the assholes. Nice guys lose, you know the story.

Always pisses me the hell off.

Like nice guys don't date banshees? Don't we all hear about the stereotype of the overbearing nagging wife? Same song, different dance. Women just don't bitch they same. They just talk trash behind each other’s backs. Quietly. (Ah, the subtle differences of the gender wars.)

But lets put it in perspective. It isn't that love is defined as masochists and sadists, by opposites attracting, or even power struggles. What makes it happen is way more basic.

Somebody has to make the move.

It is just that simple. Jerks are the guys who ask the girls out, who act confident and because they believe they are hot stuff can charm the girl. Overbearing wenches are manipulative women who capitalize on the chivalry of men. The types of people who can take advantage of nice people sometimes do. Sad fact of life.

So let's make a pact. Stop being that person complaining that you are the good guy screwed because you are nice. Because it is one of two things. Either you need admit you have been lacking in the advance department, or maybe you should realize that you aren't so nice after all. And yes, I have met assholes that thought they were the nice guy. Irony in life I suppose.

Still have your doubts? Look at me. I don't date jerks. And I rock.

Case

In

Point

liver love

Seriously, I have been out drinking five out of the last seven days. And we are not talking just one beverage here, we are talking minimum four drinks each night. Ten on St Paddys day of course.

Its been a good week.

Hangovers? Not so much. I was turned out to the MIRACLE ELIXR. Purple vitamin water. Dude, you know on TV when the doctors are hung over so they plug into a "banana bag"? It is saline with potassium to re-hydrate. What is in the magical purple vitamin water? Potassium and B vitamins.

Golden.

Another fun thing about this week is the fact that I have had ample opportunity to interact with my crush. Oh lord I'm crushing hard. This guy is a friend of a friend, and we don't cross paths all that often. This week we did.

Problem is he is really nice and very unassuming. Perfect to date but hard to get to flirt. I'm workin it though. Because I am totally obsessed with it.

Seriously, Thighs (formally known as RFW) had to listen to me go on for at LEAST two hours last night about every look and every comment that has passed between me and mr crush. God knows how many stories I have already told duplicate times. You know, like the time he did a double take when I came in the room. Yeah, I talk about that one a lot.

Lord I'm impatient. Can't we just date already? Oh wait, that would involve me actually asking him out. Might just pine for a while longer, methinks.

respite

It's not you, it's me. I just haven't felt that special spark lately. It feels like more of a chore than a pleasure, I can't seem to get any kind of enthusiasm behind it all.

So I'm taking a break. I could come back. I mean, I have been doing this with you for years now. But who knows? I could quit as quickly as I had started this whole thing.

I think it is because my job is sucking my dry. Or it could have been the flu that I just got over (without ONE OUNCE of vitamin C or zinc, I think they are all fallacies). Or it could just be corporate life in general.

If we are meant to be then...I'll be back.

drunk awakes

What do you do when you wake up reaaaaaallly early because you tossed a couple back the night before?

You watch this

Booya.

da vinci code

Spoiler alert if you haven't read the book or seen the movie.

So if you were from the loins of jesus christ and potentially the savior of the world responsible for the enlightenment of the human race...

How would you date??

Really. The pressure. God, its hard enough to date as it is.

Pun TOTALLY intended.