they had to go there

New York City is littered with advertisements for the new ABC fall season of sitcoms. They are plastered all over subway cars and bus stops, you can't go anywhere without a reminder that they've got these shows.

And every time I see one I find myself uncontrollably rolling my eyes. Just seeing the add makes me cringe.

For what show you ask? Oh, Cougar Town.

Some show starring Courtney Cox as a recently divorced 40 something "getting herself back out there" so she doesn't "shrivel up and die".

Honestly I'm trying to pinpoint why I find the entire premise of the show so insulting. Is it the double standard that a woman in her forties dating younger men is entertainment but reverse the genders and it is romantic?

Maybe it is that I feel that I am the target market and I utterly don't relate or don't care about this material. Which makes me feel like I'm being sold to which we all know is annoying.

Quite possibly it is also a little that if this show was to work for me it would have to be an actress who was more...relatable. Human. Courtney Cox seems kind of plastic and awkward. And not in a good way.

Whatever it is I am curious to see if my reactions translate to Middle America. Being a single never married woman living in NYC makes me kind of a smaller demographic. Is it possible housewives in Idaho dream of jumping into the dating pool again looking like Monica from friends?

Guess we'll see soon enough.

damn you HBO!

The other day I watched the documentary Youth Knows No Pain on HBO.

This movie follows the 38-year-old woman as she investigates the anti-aging markets of the USA. Everything from the effectiveness of creams and serums to the efficacy of injectibles and eventually surgical procedures. She interviews people who use the methods as well as the people who create the products and the doctors who administer them.

Why in gods name did I watch the damn thing? What was I thinking?

It was done well; I have to admit that at least. The problem is that the lead Mitch McCabe in the film is a year older than me and of course obsessed with looking old. She scrutinized herself and everyone around her in such detail that now I'm looking in whole new places for signs of aging. After an hour of watching all I could think was "If she is my age and really needs to have work done, I must too! What am I not seeing?"

Oh paranoia, my good friend. Prior to viewing this film I had exercised my own little efforts to maintain a youthful appearance. I wear bangs to hide my forehead and regularly exfoliate and moisturize to prevent any eye or lip wrinkles. (Years of smoking may have prematurely started pucker lines.)

But wait! There are other signs of aging! The fat in your face moves south, making the top of your face thinner and creating those howdy-doody jowl lines. Now all of a sudden THIS is the most noticeable sign of age I see on others. And the only place I look when I catch myself in the mirror.

At this point I'm actually considering injectables. The only thing really stopping me is the concern that once you start you can’t stop, that you need to maintain. That would be a pain in the arse.

Okay I lie; the maintenance isn’t the only thing stopping me. With the detox I dropped some pounds, and I’m still losing weight. I’m also kinda hoping that if I keep on getting thinner I’ll lose some of the fat from my face. Thus looking younger.

So we’ll see what wins. Gained confidence from being thinner or neurosis about looking my age.

After going the whole detox – all natural route I’m guessing the former.

so frickin' close

Today I ran the Fitness Mind, Body Spirit Games 4 mile race sponsored by the New York Road Runners, and completed the race in 38:18 averaging 9:34 a mile.

Just shy of my personal record. By how much you ask?

Three seconds. Three goddamn seconds.

Seriously, if I had just dug down a little deeper at the end and gotten a good sprint I would have had a new PR!!

And then also would probably have puked. I was on the edge of vomiting already; the last several yards were up a steep hill. Bastards had to go and plan the race that way.

Okay I totally know that I should be reveling in such an amazing accomplishment. Yeah, I am aware that I am totally lucky to be back running again after having my knee surgery and that getting this speed improvement is a bonus.

But runners don't work that way. We want to do better. And when we do hit a new best we look at what we did wrong so we can go even faster the next time. You may be running a race but your main competitor is yourself.

That's one of the reasons so many people will run more than one marathon. Twenty-six point two miles offers endless opportunities to make improvements. After completing the race all you do is look back at oh so many choices you could have made differently.

It is ironic that in my life this is the only thing I really allow myself to "what if" over. My life choices have molded me, and since I like who I am this makes me grateful for my experiences.

Guess I’ll be adding more hill work to my running schedule for that next race…

how easy are you?

Exactly how does one define being a high or low maintenance girlfriend?

Ah, the age old question. As a relatively low-maintenance friend I'd like to say that it translates to dating. But I'm afraid I'm pretty good at looking subjectively at myself and I've decided I am in fact high maintenance.

*Sigh*

It is tricky because I’m not sure how I would define the lower spectrum. As far as I'm concerned I know that I need a lot of affection and attention.

A lot.

The level of flattery of course has to be much more significant in the beginning of a relationship than later on. Just because I like a lot of proof. I need to be reminded often that I am very high on the priority list of the guy I am dating. If the guy I'm seeing isn't dying to know about my day and showering me with compliments at least once every 24 hours I'm so done.

Now you are totally agreeing that I'm not easy to date right?

So if I had to define low maintenance? Okay with a shout out on a busy day. Fine with only going on a date once a week if it is a busy time of year. Doesn't start a fight in public. Not made jealous by a simple conversation with a single girl. Only expects gifts on special occasions, and when a gift is given it doesn’t have to be extravagant.

Granted I'm only needy for attention, not the jealous and argumentative type. Thus I am relieved to believe on the scale of difficulty I'm only medium hard to date.

That's kind of comforting I suppose. I do have to wonder what other tricky girlfriend traits I didn't list however…

conspiracy theory

If you live in NYC and are a fan of Central Park you may have heard about the storm on August 18th.

Supposedly this was the worst storm in park history. At this time the fallen and badly damaged tree count is up to 400, which is a frickin lot of trees.

What strikes me as odd is how localized this destruction was. All this damage occurred north of 95th street, and the park only goes to 110th st. And it all happened in a half an hour.

No damage occurred lower in the park, and no buildings around the north part of the park were afflicted.

Stranger and stranger, right??? After the storm you couldn't walk 50 feet without seeing HUGE trees lying fallen on the ground.

So here is what I'm thinking. No way was a storm that localized. NO WAY.

It was aliens. Like a skirmish broke out with the real men in black.

Okay, or maybe it was a Godzilla type monster war. Some kind of large mutant creature fight that broke out and trees were stepped on and knocked askew.

Oooh! Or it was a wizard fight! Like the death eaters vs. the order of the phoenix!! All those spells flying helter skelter felled some timber.

One of these ideas has to be right. I’m sure there is some cover up about what really happened.

Best of all? The huge piles of wood chips currently hanging out in the park. They smell awful, not at all like normally fragrant shredded wood. Methinks there may be a dead alien corpse or some such hidden under there.

Seriously.

hijinx

Wow, what a weekend.

Last minute this week Hools and I set up some Labor Day weekend plans.

Saturday was to be tubing down the Delaware River followed by wine tasting with Urban Adventures. Sunday would be a trip to Coney Island checking out the aquarium and then a Cyclones game.

The urban adventure went exactly as planned - and was perfect. Ideal weather, incredibly friendly and fun staff, and an altogether perfectly planned and executed outing. This company has only been around 14 months and I have to say the entire day was so impressive Hools and I are chomping at the bit to sign up for our next adventure "out of the bubble".

Maybe Shootin and Drinkin?

Course I've never really been a whiskey drinker. I think maybe this is more my speed.

Sunday on the other hand did not turn out as planned at all. But ended up being spectacular in entirely other ways.

The day started out sunny and warm, and then the wind kicked up. Holy mother of god sand was blowing everywhere! This caused a mad rush to the aquarium and a line that looked a good half-hour long. So we put the kybosh on that one.

Luckily my favorite thing to do in Coney Island - visiting the freaks at the sideshow - was wide open. We fortuitously arrived just as the show was starting and before the rush. Then we hung out at the freak bar and had a couple of brews before heading over to the Cyclone ball field.

Which was frickin cold. That wind was carrying some very cool fall temperatures and despite the fact I had purchased TWO shirts I was freezing. We did last three beers and eight innings like true troopers though. Then headed back for the city on a search for a nice bar.

And boy did we find it. We stopped at Hibernia, formerly known as the Electric Banana. Remodeled and under new management it seems to have built quite a fun and social community. They had arranged a Met game outing and quite a few clientele returned to the bar afterward to continue the party. And they were sociable. We talked to so many people and had so many laughs, even had a shot or two.

Oh, and I drank a shot out of my shoe.

Yeah.

Some of the regulars were saying that on your birthday there was a stiletto behind the bar that they make you do a shot out of. When I asked the bartender about this tradition he requested that I hand over my flip-flop. You know, the one I wore all day walking around the windy sandy Coney Island and then the subway and the city. So I did.

And then he took a bottle of jagermeister and started pouring some down my flip-flop. Without even thinking...

Yeah I drank out of my nasty disgusting shoe.

Then sat in shock for like ten minutes at what I had done. Obviously I am very susceptible to suggestion. My god, who am I??

Best part? Like a half hour later I did another shot out of my other shoe. And when there was a little jager left in my heel the bartender finished it off.

Awesome. Simply awesome. I think this is my new favorite bar.

side effects

Odd. Last night I had beer and pizza. That would be reintroducing gluten, alcohol, dairy, and processed meat. (sausage on the pizza.)

Talk about really bringing it on.

Today my guts feel fine. I had a lot of beer so am a little hung over, but still feel the renewed energy from the detox. So far one night of debauchery my body can process, awesome news!

But back to the odd. The one thing that is different? I'm back to biting my nails. For the last few weeks I just didn't feel like it, I have some beer and pizza and the old habit just starts back up.

What is that??

self perception

For the last two years I had convinced myself that I have a weak chin.

This is something that never even hit my radar in my 20's. Thus it came as quite a shock to suddenly see that in all my pics my chin just disappeared.

So I started paying more attention to my poses in photographs. Tilt the head, chin up, keep neck straight. In important meetings I made an effort to keep my posture up as well, doing my best to keep my chin as pronounced as possible.

As I mentioned this detox has helped me shed a few pounds. And guess what. My chin is back.

All along I had a double chin. Damn you fat fairy!! It snuck up on me somewhere, those extra couple inches of adipose tissue.

It makes sense to me now, being that I never was so self conscious of my chin when I was younger. But isn't it odd how I deceived myself that it was a permanent flaw instead of a correctable one? Or maybe resigned myself that it was something that was more noticeable with age as opposed to more noticeable with heft?

Guess it just goes to show - I really show weight gain in my face. Lucky me. But good to note for the future.

Now I wonder if I lose five more pounds if I’ll look five years younger, less wrinkles? Talk about motivation to diet!

boyfriend shuffle

What the heck do I want from a boyfriend?

God, I ask myself that question all the time. Well maybe not all the time, just when I think about dating.

A few months ago I asked Ctina the purpose to having a significant other, and she had a pretty good response. To have a number 1. Your automatic reliable fall back person. The one who you run to first with good news or who will pick you up when you are down. (Or in my mind picks you up when you have outpatient surgery.)

That I get. It works with the logic of my life because I've always had a really wonderful network of friends who I rely on for these things, thus my drive for a designated No 1 is lessened.

But what do I actually want from someone I'm seeing? Ugh, that's hard to pin down. Looking at how I've dated lately helps.

Basics include: smart, funny, accepting of alternative lifestyles, good in social situations, moral but not religious, ambitious about some life path, attractive. Oh, and let's not forget the most important - he has to be into me. That's a biggie.

Guy number one this year (we'll call him Mr. Magazine because of where he worked) was smart, funny, and cute. He had the geeky glasses and casual clothing look I go for (aka Rivers Cuomo), and was really up on his current events. We had a good time hanging out.

With Mr. Magazine sadly there wasn't chemistry. We didn't really have a burning desire to spend time together, and the bedroom was more robotic than passionate. So that only lasted about a month.

Fella number two (we'll call him Mr. Layoff since he was laid off of work the day of our first date) was sweet, attentive, and cuddly. He was really into indie music which works for me because I love seeing live bands in small venues, and constantly was emailing me and texting me sweet nothings. Which incidentally I discovered that I really enjoy. At least for the first several weeks.

Unfortunately Mr. Layoff didn't add much to conversation, and my desire to spend time with him fell well below the radar. And where the bedroom was much more passionate at first the frequency of the passion became almost nonexistent right away. We dated for six weeks and there was one night he came over to watch a movie and then slept over - and we barely made out!

No chemistry after all, that had to end.

So I definitely have learned something to put on my 'yes and no' list for dating.

Lust vs. real chemistry.

Sex driven lust is fun and will get you through several dates if the guy qualifies for boyfriend potential. And if the bedroom escapades are really hot then it may last more than a couple dates.

But it is really about the chemistry, that thing that makes you just want to be in the same room as the other person as much as possible. Without that the relationship is doomed.

Now I just need to come up with some kind of gauge to tell the difference.

all about a detox

Free at last! Free at last! Thank god almighty I'm free at last!

Okay - it really wasn't that bad. Not at all.

Overall the detox went really well. As I mentioned the other day I had bountiful energy, lost weight (and inches), and my skin looks fantastic. Best of all the pipes are working better than they have in years. This for me is saying something.

All the promises came true. I wasn't hungry, didn't feel deprived, and only craved something one day there at the end. One odd side effect is that I haven't bitten my nails in three weeks. Which is kind of unexpected and weird. How long will that last I wonder?

So now what do I do with this? Do I slowly revert back to my unhealthy ways, waiting to gradually revert back to being tired so I need another detox soon? Or do I incorporate some of what I learned and continue to eat better?

Ugh, I don't know. What I do know is that I want to keep having this much energy and I would love to lose eight more pounds. So for now I'll just keep eating the same way, testing one of the restricted foods every few days.

Today I incorporated the nightshade veggies. I love hot peppers and adore french fries, here is hoping I don't have to eliminate them 'for good'. Later this week I'm going to try gluten. Hope hope hope I can get back to drinking beer!!

chasing the wagon

Boy do I want a drink.

You were all just waiting to hear that, weren't you?

Oddly enough this is the first time in the whole detox that I've craved alcohol. Even last night having dinner with the petes there wasn't a temptation to imbibe.

Probably the best thing to do is review how good I have felt through this whole thing. The energy, the elevated mood, the clear skin, the weight loss...

Or maybe I'll just keep busy. That might be the best course of action.

Two more days!

livin' raw

Just to get as much out of this detox as I can (day 18 of 21, hooray!) I have been trying to eat as much raw food as possible.

This frankly is not all that difficult considering what is on the list of what I can eat.

Conveniently I not only live in NYC which is exceptionally detox friendly, but I also am a mere four blocks from the Westerly Market which has prepared raw organic foods.

From what I understand the raw food movement contends that heating fruits and veggies above 116 degrees destroys important enzymes. And I guess these enzymes are good for you or some such. Oh, and the life force is stronger if the food is raw. Yeah.

What is on the menu for today's lunch? Raw organic mashed potatoes. And guess what? Not a spud to be seen. Ingredients are: Cauliflower, cashews, thyme, lemon juice, and sea salt.

Appearance? Looks about right. Consistency? Yep, just like mashed potatoes. Taste? Not that bad. Not great, but I think the fact that it is cold really is detrimental to the flavor. If I trusted myself to heat to a balmy 110 degrees then they most probably would be pretty darn good!

So far my favorite of the raw foods from the Westerly are the beet salad (slivered beets, sunflower seeds, agave nectar, salt) and the mock tuna sandwich (fake bread made from nuts and seeds, fake tuna from slew of veggies and nuts).

To be honest I'm not sure if the raw foods are really making a difference, whether or not my body is digesting more efficiently or absorbing more nutrients. But if I find some stuff that is tasty along the way it can't hurt, right? If it wasn't for the prepared stuff I probably wouldn't have tried doing some raw at all. Besides salads of course.

This definitely isn't a lifestyle I would do full time though. No way no how. I genuinely love hot meals!!

how to recover

Okay, I'm going to throw something out there that has been bothering me.

Over the years I've read an article or two (or five million) concerning what to eat after a workout. How to recover the best and get the most out of your training. What the ratio of protein to carbs to fat should be, how many calories you need, when you should eat.

Pretty much across the board the advice is to eat less than 90 minutes after you workout to replenish and refuel.

But this doesn't make sense. Look at the foods you are eating and how long it takes to break down those nutrients! The only things that I think absorb right away through your stomach lining are water, aspirin, and alcohol. Almost everything else has to be chemically processed in the stomach and then eventually absorbed in the intestines.

It can take HOURS to break down a snack.

Methinks all this research about when to eat is based off of those super-athletes whose bodies are in hyper drive to absorb nutrients because they burn it all off again so quickly.

As for the rest of us mere mortals? I'm guessing what you eat 12 hours before makes a whole lot more difference to how you recover from exercise.

But that's just my opinion. From an utterly unqualified non-medically trained perspective.

the single life

One other thing of note that has been going on - all of a sudden I've been dating.

My regular readers know that over the years I date here and there, on and off. I'll meet someone, go on a few dates, and then be done seeing anyone for a few months.

You definitely can't say I'm not totally comfortable being single.

But how much of that is comfort and how much is stowing myself away in a 'safe' little nook, not risking any kind of attachment for fear of being hurt? To be honest I'm not really sure.

From my level of personal happiness being single I would say more of the former, but I won't lie I think there has always been a nibble of apprehension on my part as well. Even in my 20s I was fully aware that I dreaded commitment, somewhere believing that nothing is permanent so why lay it all on the line?

Lately the trepidation has dissipated. And it has been nice. Honestly I give full credit to my immersion into yoga; it healed and still heals me in so many surprising ways.

As often happens in life here I am open to something new and what do you think comes along? Boys.

Chemistry.com has recently been batting 1000. I have been a member for years (at no charge to me and with little interaction) with nary a good candidate thrown my way. Over the last six months it has been a flurry of activity filled with actual dating potential.

At one point I was dating two people at once. For more than one date and one week. Which for me is unheard of.

(BTW dating like that is VERY time consuming.)

So more details to come. I'll fill you all in on the boyz, they’ll be getting their own posts.

she never learns

You know I thought I was oh so smart volunteering for the NYC half last weekend. Because I had learned from experience that it was a total bear to run. Always above 80 degrees and above 80% humidity.

As I cheered those 10,000 runners on I couldn't help but feel sorry for the poor saps.

Stupid ass me signs up for a 5k this weekend.

Duh.

Needless to say it was hot and humid. I rained in the morning, stopped before the start. And then the sun came out. You know what that means?

That means all that water on the ground starts to evaporate. Steam rising is always fun to run through. Not.

Overall my time was good, finished in just over 31 mins. And I didn't think about the knee once. That's something isn't it? Time and patience can cure so much.

For this race they used some new disposable chip to track our times and right now I'm not finding my results online - which kinda sucks. Guess I'll have to protest and use the pictures they take as proof.

You know, if I needed proof that I ran a race for something. Not that anything comes to mind. :)

why the detox?

Here I am on day 12 of my detox.

When I tell people the laundry list of what I'm giving up for the 21 one days most of them tend to respond with "What?!? Why?!?" Of course in an incredulous tone.

Throughout my life I have been a high-energy kinda gal. I pride myself on being the life of the party, and was always on the go. Heck I held down two jobs and still went out a couple nights a week for years with nary a stumble in my stride.

Fast forward to the present day where I'm drinking six cups of coffee a day just to feel baseline normal and it is still a major effort to motivate to go out on the town at night.

Hells bells, I'm just 37 living a life of relative leisure. I should not be this exhausted all the time.

On a whim I picked up a book my company publishes, Spent. (As in lack of energy, not money)

The more I read the more I wanted to read. It claimed that if you are feeling worn down, are constantly bloated, can't lose weight despite diet/exercise, get sick often, can't sleep, etc etc then you just need to let your body heal itself.

Reboot.

Having gone on a two week juice fast I am no stranger to the idea of natural healing alternatives. So I took a couple weeks to trim down my kitchen and wean myself off of my coffee.

For breakfast I have a smoothie, lunch a salad or some quinoa/chicken/veggie combo, and dinner the same or back to a smoothie. If I get hungry I snack on fresh fruit or raw nuts.

Not hard right? Especially since I'm just not hungry. Not like before the detox, when for some reason I was hungry all the time - it felt like every couple of hours.

Oh, and the energy? Lord I'm waking up before my alarm, totally ready to take on the day. I've NEVER been that person!

In general so far so good! Granted I've never done something like this for three weeks, so we'll see how my resolve to be healthy holds up.

Then I’ll have to figure out the order in which to reintroduce the foods back into my diet. Any guesses what comes back first? Heh.

she's back!

Boy, do I have a lot of catching up to do.

How have you all been? Feeling good? Livin life? Keepin' on keepin on?

It hasn't been so much that I've been busy as uninspired. Over time I just felt like I didn't have too much to say. And I would add that it seems I've been through a rough patch as well - which I think really affected me more than I even realized.

That being said I have a skip in my step again. You have no idea how much I missed that.

Why am I back? Right now two things - I'm back running again and I'm on a detox.

After a TON of yoga my muscles developed enough for my knee to get back to working order. It took patience and time but I even ran a four mile race last month, and it felt terrific.

The knee will never feel the same, I can tell there is a piece of cartilage missing, but it doesn't hurt. That is the key.

And the detox? Oh, the detox. Currently I am on day 11 of 21 giving up gluten, soy, dairy, sweeteners, nightshade veggies, caffeine, and alcohol. With that list it looks like there is nothing I can eat but don't you worry, there is plenty.

Killer thing about the detox is that all the promises are coming true. My energy is off the charts! One claim I scoffed at was that after a few days you would crave veggies and love the taste.
Yeah, right.
Well lo and behold last night I had some veggies with hummus and found myself eating just the veggies!! Mid-chew I even found myself saying "This celery is delicious! Wait, I hate celery..."

Maybe I should try Brussels sprouts tonight...oh the possibilities!

it's the little things

Today while travelling to grab some lunch I passed by a gentleman walking while singing and playing a ukulele.

Because that is something I'm sure everyone sees all the time.

This city constantly sup rises and delights me to this day. Not that living here nine years is forever, but still.

My god, nine years and I'm still working for the man. Really, I've got to do something about that. Not that it isn't on my radar, I've been using the Lululemon Goal Site to keep track of where I go next.

Of course first on the list is to do a handstand without a wall. So we'll see how that whole non-corporate life thing measures up...

so sad

Yes he was reclusive, eccentric, and clouded in mystery. But all the same I find myself greatly saddened by the untimely death of Michael Jackson.

Like many of you I have been glued to my TV for the past several hours, shocked by his death. I don't know why. Maybe because in spite of all his oddities his gifts of music and dance have permeated our culture to such a point that we can't imagine the world without him.

In memoriam a re post of my brush with his greatness back in early 2001. R.I.P Michael Jackson.

_______________________________________

I got to meet Michael Jackson once. I spent two hours with him, as a matter of fact. As his waitress.

Fresh off the metaphorical boat to NYC, I was working two jobs, publishing assistant by day and server at a swanky restaurant by night. The wait staff had a mix of experience, newbies like me who had been on the island for five months, and a score of actors who had been slinging drinks in between gigs for years. Imagine my surprise when I go into work and found out that I was to be the lucky person to wait on MJ and his production crew. They were in town to record his last album.

They were late; they had to lose the paparazzi on the way to the restaurant. He came in, his foot in a cast and wearing the facemask. Once in the banquet room the mask came off and the party of six relaxed a bit.

Michael Jackson was very pleasant, polite, and subdued. He ordered vegetable broth and orange soda. The rest of his party ate and drank like kings - on his dime. They whole meal they pandered for his attention, trying to engage him in conversation. I have to admit, he did his best to comply.

There was definitely something off about him. It was like there was a heavy fog surrounding him, emitting this weird "please, just let me be" vibe. You could sense that he was so tired of always having to give something to everyone. Really, every single person who met him wanted to be acknowledged, noticed, touched. I realized the greatest service I could give to him was to let him alone as much as possible.

I felt profoundly sorry for him. You could just tell that fame had scarred him so deeply there was probably no recourse. He would have to be completely un-famous for at least twenty years to even regain a semblance of normality. This man did not just give the world music, dance, and culture. He gave the world his life and his sanity. Was it worth it?

proof of age

Oh, I've got one for ya.

On occasion after a tough day I'll have a beverage at home before I hit the hay. It doesn't have to be much, and for a nightcap I'm not going to be picky.

Often I've done various mixed drink variations, If there is vodka on hand I'll make do with lime juice, soda water, some kind of drink mix. Several things will work to make straight liquor a cocktail.

Tonight? Well to mix with vodka I had my orange flavor Metamucil on hand as well as some soda water.

Everyone can use a little fiber, right?

Right?

Dude.

Oh...

Dude.

But really, is it so wrong to ask for intoxication and regularity at the same time?

**Question you will never hear posed by a 20-something**

BTW - Tasted pretty good. Note for retirement parties....