super cheese

I guess this is my week to be a total schmuck. First I buy the entire Chicago catalog, and now I have sat at home today doing nothing but watching She's the Man three times in a row.

What can I say, I just love it when our media takes a Shakespearean play and then converts it to a high school drama. Ten Things I Hate About You based off of Taming of the Shrew rocked my world. And now they have done it with Twelfth Night.

It helps that these movies were really well cast. Amanda Bynes is cute and funny in a non-annoying way, that really makes quite a difference. If Lindsey Lohan or Hillary Duff had been in the movie fuhgettaboudit. Not that they would, because there is now way they would have taken one for the team and uglied down enough to really make the role work. Kudos to Ms Bynes for pulling it off.

Now to totally switch gears on you, tomorrow is my first half-marathon and I am TOTALLY stoked!!! It is also the earliest race I'll have ever done, since it starts at 7:00 and I have to be corralled by 6:30. Heh. Again, why did I go and pick a sport that requires me waking up at such ungodly hours?

One of the goodies they handed out was a pace bracelet, and I am in love. You pick your goal finish time and it breaks down your pace for each mile, taking into account elevation. Awesome. Such a good way to really gauge how I am doing! The time I picked was 2:15, even though I will be totally happy if I finish in 2:30.

Looking at the weather it is supposed to be overcast and 71 degrees, which is perfect. Too much sun or heat would definitely slow me down, and I actually enjoy running in rain so if a drop or two hit then no worries.

Ready to feel the burn!

nostalgia

I am the biggest sap ever.

I just bought "The Very Best of Chicago - Only the Beginning." Honestly I have seen Chicago more times than any other band. Often they played with The Beach Boys. I would be on the lawn of Pine Knob, singing along, dancing...

But I digress.

If you know and do not love "Hard Habit to Break", "You're the Inspiration" or "If She Would Have Been Faithful", you are a cold heartless bastard and I refuse to know you any longer.

And if you don't know them, maybe if you are good enough to me I could burn you a copy. (Good being translated as buying me a drink or two. Hell I'm easy.)

p.s. If you know and love "25 or 6 to 4" then you are too cool for school and you rock and we are destined to be bff.

meaning

Do you believe that you will make a difference?

I remember looking out from my bedroom about four years back at all the lit windows in my view. And thinking how insignificant I was, how many people there are on this island, hell on this planet, and how small my life really was.

But I don't believe that. Probably because of the whole empiricism thing. Sure as hell it wasn't that people told me when I was growing up that I was all that. Oh no, I had to work hard to get every ounce of praise thank you very much. (And every ounce was and still is very much revered.)

Now when I look out my window I expect that people are looking in at me, not so much vica versa. Maybe it is narcissism, maybe it is a lust for fame from our culture, maybe it is loss of perspective. Do other people feel this way too? Or do the truly influential souls like Shakespeare or Siddhartha never feel such hubris at all?

This I do know - where my corporate job does have some influence, it is not my gift revealed. Gotta work on that one.

**(My gift revealed - who says that kind of thing???)

trudging along

So hey, guess what.

I'm running a half marathon with Spaghetti this Sunday. Yessirree, 13.1 miles of August fun. Officially my longest race ever. Working my way up!

Not feeling so nervous, I know I can go that far because I did last weekend. Really I'm just kind of curious as to what kind of time I'm going to do, since being 11 weeks away from the long haul this will be a good indicator of my future time. My goal is to run the marathon in four and a half hours, so goes to figure I want to finish the half in two hours and fifteen minutes.

Go short legs go!!

site love

Okay, I already loved pajiba with all of my heart. It is my go to place for movie reviews period.

If possible, my love grew when I saw the new pictures in the blog header. Brilliance, pure brilliance.

God I love the site!!!!!

strange habits

When you look back on your childhood, your pre-adolescent years, what do you remember?

I remember playing with the kids my mom took care of in her at-home day care service.

I remember playing down the block at my friend Charlotte’s house, or playing softball at the end of the street with the neighborhood kids on the gravel lot, and having to come home when the street lights came on.

I remember rivalry with my brother.

I remember my younger sister entering my life, and how different she was from me as she grew up.

I remember family gatherings with loud friendly people whom I only saw about once a year and who seemed to like me well enough but at the same time terrified me.

It had its ups and downs, but really the first ten years of my life was safe and well rounded.

Recently one memory from this time in my life recently resurfaced and struck me as being kind of funny. When I was about eight, sharing a room and a bunk bed set with my sister, there was a time when I refused to sleep in my bed, choosing the floor instead.

My bed was comfortable enough, and I had no qualms about sleeping on the top bunk. For no reason in particular I just liked sleeping on the floor better. There was an orange shag rug in my room, and the house had this heated floor system, so I recall being perfectly comfortable. My behavior didn't bother my parents at all; they thought it was weird but not significant in any way. Currently my mom only vaguely remembers me doing it. My sister doesn't remember it at all.

Thinking back I really enjoyed my time sleeping on the floor. I felt defiant and unique. And I slept just fine. What I don't remember is why I stopped, why I went back to my bed. Funny huh?

And now I won't even camp without an aerobed. Ah well.

conversion

I have always considered Johnny Knoxville a complete and utter idiot. Honestly I find nothing he does funny, just offensive and gross. Jackass? Yuck. Dukes of Hazard? Banal. The Ringer? AAAAA...*gurgle*

But with this he has redeemed himself.

For now.

(Honestly, that is quite a good list.)

sweetness

Check out what my sister got me as a congrats gift for my new job!! A fabuloso accessory to my Mackie! Now I can bring him with me everywhere.

Is it bad that I engender my laptop as a male? No? Does it make a difference that he sleeps with me in my bed every night?

Not joking.

Yes, I have taken to the habit of blogging from bed. When I'm done there is no way I'm going to walk ALL those twenty feet back to the living room to put him away. So he sleeps in bed with me.

It is purely platonic, don't worry.

To change the subject, the wedding photos from sis' wedding will have a website soon! Here is a little taste to whet your appetite.



Note me underneath fleeing from any spittle that may escape the embrace. Ah, the dampness of true love...

something fishy

Okay, we all have met that conspiracy theory guy. You know the one, always talking about how JFK was killed by the government, how the moon walk never happened, or that aliens really did land/crash at Roswell. This person will go on and on convinced that we have all been misled.

My take on these things is that human nature begs that there will be a leak. Sorry, but a conspiracy by definition means a group of people have done something to deceive, and I'll be damned if one or two of them didn't let something slip at a drunk or intimate moment. For gods sake does the boom of blogs alone speak to how desperately mankind longs to be heard?

So then I read this. Now if that isn't a whole lotta suspicious I don't know what is.

I wouldn't call myself a believer quite yet, but I am definitely teetering on that fence.

first week

Much speculation has headed my way about my first five days at the new job. As I like to deliver, here is the breakdown for my regular readers:

First three days all about HR and introductions. My friends and references are good ones, and it seems a lot of good reviews preceded my arrival. Really, I have never gone into a job with as many introductions that were followed by raised eyebrows and "Oh! Yes, we heard about you!" and "Welcome! We are so excited to have you!!!" in my life. Flattering - yes. Vaguely disconcerting - absolutely. Intimidating - no way Jose.

Next two days all out frustrating. I know how things work but can't get to the details yet. Still learning the systems and of course the product history will take time and I am aware of that. Maintaining that self-patience is the challenge. I want to be able to have a question posted to me and am able to know where to go to get the answers. So for now I just have to keep being a sponge and absorb. Grrrr.

Overall being my third corporate job and second in publishing, pretty much the same for the course. Some new perks were gained (better coffee and free soda!) and some were lost.

The three people who report to me are established, responsible, and knowledgeable. Really they do their jobs very well and have an amazing work ethic. I think this of all things is where I am the most fortunate. Having a good support staff can make or break a job, and these people are amazing. I will do everything I can to make sure I support them so this kind of excellence can continue. SO LUCKY.

My new boss is very much into my autonomy. Which I think is great. My old job required micromanagement from my boss. This one really doesn't, and thus I am relieved this kind of structure exists. So far so good.

If there is anything I have learned over the years is that I just have to wait out the learning curve and then the accolades roll in. What is to be determined is my level of satisfaction, not theirs. That kind of thing cannot be discerned for AT LEAST six months.

What has been the most interesting in my transition has been the reactions of people I know personally. Every question that they ask is a reflection of where they are in their lives.

"How excited are you?"

Someone accepting of change or a challenge.

"How do you feel?"

Someone who cares greatly about the people they work with everyday and weighs that interaction highly in life.

"Aren't you scared?"

Someone who is more in love with security of the same thing than of being somewhere detrimental.

The best part? If they feel a certain way when they ask their question they will absolutely not believe the response unless it is the same as their own. And if I do not respond in kind they ask over and over again.

Yes, I am most definitely excited. Oh, I feel fine. No way, why would I be scared?

Done and done.

going the distance

You know what happens when you run really long distances? You learn what friction is.

Every week as part of my long run I have a blister or two. Whatev, if I can run 26.2 I can take a blister or two. Pshaw. So as my knowledge of what chafes where grows my workout wear choices narrow.

This week with my 13-miler such knowledge was gained of one particular sports bra.



Yes people, that would be blisters on my cleavage. But don't cry for me Argentina, it ain't as bad as the men with bleeding nipples at a marathon's end. Now THAT deserves some props.

I am a rock

Tonight I was watching a rerun of Grey's Anatomy. At some point Meredith had a breakdown. She ran into a linen closet and started crying hysterically. McDreamy followed her into the closet, listened to her, and got her a paper bag to breath into in order to cure her hyperventilation. She didn't really get better until he held her hand though. She needed comfort, not medical help.

Okay, I have been in the hospital A LOT. My mom brought me in like the first three times, but after that I went in solo. Which means I would suffer through several hours of pain, it would progress to vomiting, and then when I couldn't stop vomiting I would drive myself to the hospital.

(Non-stop vomiting does get fifteen-minute breaks. The act of heaving calms the stomach giving a reprieve. Twenty minutes of tortuous nausea followed by two minutes of painful retching followed by fifteen minutes of peaceful bliss. The body likes rest what can I say...)

Even in the early days when my mom was present I had to send her away.

When I was very young I learned my parents were human, and when I discovered their flaws I started my mantra. "You can only rely on you. You will have to fix this, no one else will do it for you." This may sound strange, but as a coping mechanism at twelve when you realize you are the most qualified person in your family to make things function...hell it works.

I didn't mean it to, buy my mantra has followed me throughout my life. Maybe therefore it is not so shocking that of all the hospital visits over all of the years I am alone. I walk in by myself, and unless forced by surgery I walk out by myself.

Which is why I found tonight's episode of Grey's Anatomy so interesting.

I remember one visit to the hospital in my mid twenties. Same ole thing, same ole symptoms. I got admitted because they just wanted to diagnose me. (They never believe me when I tell them what is wrong.) At some point I was in my hospital room, and I started to shake. Really shake, like teeth chattering whole body moving shake. It was terrifying. The medical staff became alarmed assuming I was presenting with some kind of allergic reaction. They added one drug and then another to counteract whatever I had.

But it didn't get better. Until this one nurse stopped and she just held my hand. She just held my hand to calm me, be there for me, to comfort me.

And the shaking stopped.

Immediately.

.

.

.

I was horrified at my own weakness. But at the same time I was so grateful that she was the first person in that twenty-hour ordeal to show me that human kindness. To have such a strong physical reaction to something so ethereal astounded me.

Heck, I may say that I am a rock, I am an island, but is an island defined by its solitude or simply by the fact it is surrounded by a different element? If the water recesses and the island becomes a mountain is it any less remote?

In so many ways I may stand out but I am still made of the same cloth, the same earth as others. Once and a while that simple touch is the entire cure a person may need. Someone letting you know that they are there. For you. That you don’t have to only rely on you, that once and a while someone will do it for you. Just let them.

cinema

I already loved me some Ryan Gosling. Mucho talento. And cute-o too.

Now I'm thinking some major accolades are heading his way. No oscar yet though. But I bet young miss Shareeka Epps gets a nomination for supporting.

Thank god something with teeth is coming out soon. I love summer blockbusters but enough is enough already!

(Oh, and by the way, just frackin' sweet. And if you don't know why you lose.)

never enough

How much of a good thing exactly is too much?

Now you all know I am a lover of the alcohol. By far after caffeine it is my drug of choice. (You all tremble at how hard-core I am, don’t you?)

What if you had a friend who drank to excess every time you see them? We are talking not being able to stand up straight and always blacking out type of too much. Every time.

The imbibing does not cause this person to lose or endanger their job. Neither attendance nor performance suffers.

The thing is that living in NYC is not really the safest scenario, and when you get stupid drunk it is definitely a security issue. And then there is the question of what is the motivator to getting blasted so much? If someone drinks to relax or to socialize that seems acceptable, but if you know someone who is drinking to obliteration what are they running/hiding from? Is it a deep problem that they need to be facing? Is the ‘cure’ actually making the problem worse?

By my definition this person falls into the ‘problem’ category as opposed to ‘alcoholic’ one. But is the cure the same, does he or she have to hit rock bottom before they reform?

For me the most difficult part by far is my complete lack of control of the situation. Because by god people don’t take advice, they only will learn by experience. So here I am to sit back and watch the eventual decline and potentially some disaster befall my friend.

Honestly I am at the point where I dread going to social situations where this person attends due this kind of behavior. Am I being a better friend by not being a friend any more at all, or just caving into my own frustration at my inability to deal with this? Maybe this kind of tough love is in fact the only thing I can do. Who knows?

You would think I would have more experience with this kind of thing being Irish and all. Yet no, this is my first. No alcoholics in my close relations or problem drinkers in my history.

I still love alcohol though. Love the player hate the game.

first day

Well, today was my first day at the new job. And it was...

Fine.

Yup, that about sums it up. Really what did you expect of me, job changer extraordinaire? A little HR here, a little systems introduction there, and a whole lotta trying to get used to new meeting schedules and reporting systems.

The challenges are in the weeks to come. I know they are coming. But I have a nice credo. Okay, one of many actually:

Worry is like a rocking chair
You do a lot of work
But never get anywhere

My job is to solve problems and stuff is gonna happen. Fortunately I trust myself enough to be able to deal with them as they come. And until they do I'm just going to soak in as much knowledge as I can.

By the way, I am going to be working with some really cool books! Game on.

ok go

This little tidbit of joy was sent to me by Ali Girl...

I must download and listen next time I am training at the gym. Happy Monday!

strategy

As you can see from my handy dandy little counter there on the sidebar, I have less than 100 days until I run my first ever marathon. I am five weeks into my official training program and I have made a discovery.

First of all I am a confirmed nocturnal person. By nature I like to be up late, and as I am also a seven-hour a night minimum sleeper that means I also lean towards sleeping in. Really if I had my bones I would sleep nine hours a night, but one can't be greedy.

So the big challenge for some time has been figuring out when to get my running in. Yes I know to those of you with children that this seems like it would be cake for a single childless person to do, but really it has been tricky. See I have been working late nights quite a bit, often without advance planning. In any normal workday we have summer hours which predicates me staying until 6:00 pm, and then if you add on an hour or two of work then we are looking at me hitting the gym at 8:00 or 8:30 and not getting home until 10:00.... which even to a night owl like me is hard to swallow.

Thus as ever my struggle to get up and do my runs in the morning. Try and try as I may I just couldn't do it. I read the advice about exposing myself to sunlight, getting to sleep early enough, what to eat, what not to eat, taking drugs, everything. Yet to no avail.

So on a whim one night I took a vitamin B complex pill one night as I prepared for bed. The next morning my alarm went off, I hit the snooze and realized that while I would not mind going back to sleep but...

I was awake.

Every time I see a doctor I am always reminded that due to the particular section of my intestine having been removed I need to be diligent about taking my B vitamins. So I have done so. Every morning. And when I run out or forget boy do I notice a difference.

This is amazing, waking up and not feeling like my entire body has been velcroed to the bed. Not feeling like my limbs are weighted down. Not struggling with every ounce of my being to remain conscious.

For the past five weeks I have been getting up before work to hit the gym, and waking up at the crack of dawn to train my long runs outside before the heat climbs too high. It is amazing, night and day the difference.

My final discovery just happened this past week. Since rising early I have been feeling tired at work. Shocker. So I started to take another B complex in the morning. Voila, problem solved.

Now, I don't believe that this is central to me, so if for any reason you have been really struggling to get up in the morning give my nighttime vitamin dose a whirl. Can't hurt!

Marathon powered by B-12. I could be a walking commercial people!!

limitations

My day is winding down, getting ready for parties! Due to insane weather the Rudy's thing tomorrow is off. Weather and anticipated hangover, really.

If ya'll are lucky there may be a drunk post tonight to make up for it!

end of an era

"Alright, I know when I see something good." She said. Then she yelled "Keith!"
A second later his head popped in the door. "Yeah?" he asked.
"Let's offer her the job"

And thus my career with the mighty bird began. Hired as an inventory assistant reporting to two separate managers who refused to speak to each other. I was partially hired for my people and customer service skills, after all.

Now, almost six years and a handful of promotions later I am poised to leave. Tomorrow is my last day. My office is packed and shipped, my work almost all tied up. A few loose ends and a few goodbyes and that is it.

Of course once I'm gone it may feel strange to me for a bit. After all I have been with this company as long as I have been in NYC.

Key is this isn't the only job I have had here in manhatty. One really convenient thing about having worked at two jobs at the same time for three years was my ability to maintain my identity outside of this one job. Not solely identifying myself by one workplace. Being successful at a major publishing company is one thing, but waiting tables for a handful of uber celebrities is another.

To have perspective you have to be able to view a place from many vantage points. You can't see where in the forest you are if you can't see the broader landscape. Or like in movies when they triangulate satellites to find a cell phone location.

Oh crap, did I just ruin a good analogy with a sci fi reference? Sorry folks.

Anyhoo, I am about to give myself the gift of more insight, of another vantage point. As hard as I try I can't feel sad, I just feel excited.

We'll see if tomorrow at my work goodbye toast or subsequent bar night I get hit with any sense of loss or nostalgia. It could happen. But I doubt it. If there is anything I have learned in my many adventures and misadventures is that although every job brings new friends it does not mean I lose many of the old ones. The people who are meant to be in my life will continue to do so. And I know for a fact those very people are the best damn ones in the world. The new job just adds a few more to the group.

What was that song I learned back in girl scouts? (Oh so so sooooo many years ago...)

make new friends
but keep the old
one is silver
but the other is gold

Okay, maybe not so poignant. But better than Auld Lang Syne for gods sake. Let's just stick with the triangulation thing.

ouch

You know, like some guys don't have it bad enough...

(although not surprising, as the famous little blue pill was discovered while researching blood pressure medication.)