Ignorance is Bliss

boxes

2011-11-29T23:12:00.001-05:00

Working at the new job I've been trying to keep my age secret. Which is kind of not my norm, I've never been the person to keep secrets. (Filters, what?)

It bothers me, that I was doing this. So I've started to leak the news. Yes, I'm 39 and on the verge of an AMAZING 40TH BIRTHDAY PARTY. (Oh, it will be epic. NOLA trip and then NYC party. I don't do small)

As the younger folks are finding out my digits they come by, ask for confirmation, then get that look...and I get why I'm bothered.

The box.

In the study of psychology you learn people need to categorize and stereotype in order to better understand the world. Everyone draws the borders differently based on their experience, but the brain works in certain ways. So it is.

I love me. I love my life. I love my friends. I love all the choices I've made. I am one of the rare people you'll meet who's dreams come true. Move and live in NYC? Check. Run the NYC marathon? Check. Experience broadway shows? Check. Have the most amazing adventure of a life with amazing stories as a result?

Super duper check.

Yeah, even in high school I never was the girl who dreamed of big weddings and kids. They've never been on my radar, it just isn't part of my story. Which is awesome to me because I have all this free time to do amazing things. The problem is that people judge. They have these ideas of who you should be based on their visions of themselves.

One of the main reasons I moved to NYC was because I've never really been like anyone else, and here it is just easier to live that way. Hell, often you are rewarded for standing out.

But for some reason the next decade seems to be putting me back in the box. The walls are finite. You seem so much younger. You don't act that old. I thought you were xx.

You can't be that age because you don't fit my idea of that age. Therefore you are "that age but"

Absolutely maddening. I refuse to be defined by anything, especially my age. And that is the truth.

As always, I don't want to be defined by anything at all. Age or anything. Just me. Is that still possible?

good times and air supply

2011-11-12T20:42:00.001-05:00

One of my favorite memories.

A million years ago I was still working as a waitress at the original National Coney Island on Garfield in Clinton Township. At the time I may have been 22, my sister 18.

For some unknown reason a pair of tickets to see Air Supply at Pine Knob became available. For free.

To be honest I'd heard of them, but kind of like a joke. Tongue in cheek kind of band. We all know the songs but it isn't rock or pop...its sappy.

Me being who I am I said "heck yeah" to free tix, and took my willing sister along for the ride.

We arrived at Pine Knob, and the seats were for the second to last row in the pavilion.

To an almost empty stadium. Yeah, like we wouldn't move up.

So we did. We just walked up to the 4th row. Waited for the band to come on. How bad could it be? Air Supply. Ha ha ha.

The band came on. HOLY AMAZING!! We knew all the songs! And everyone there knew them all too! We all joined together rejoicing in the pure brotherhood, living the joy of singing along with a band with songs you want to sing.

I left that concert realizing that 1) I love Air Supply 2) things people may mock are awesome so screw fitting in to give up that fun 3) never turn down free tickets to anything.

A real bonus is the fact my sister and I share this odd bond of loving a band no one from our generation really gets. We walked out of there with an unashamed love of Air Supply in the time of Nirvana and Pearl Jam.

So for all you haters out there, just wait for the next kaeoke night. And all of you who get it...awesomesauce. :)

Oh, and I'm all out of love for making love out of nothing for all and even the nights are better because I'm lost in love.

That's right.

Bring it.

four months already?

2011-10-03T20:36:00.002-04:00

This morning the weather outside felt like fall. And all I could think was "Already? Where was summer?" Of course I then realized that my summer was consumed by my new job. No fault but mine, I squandered all that glorious after work sunlight by working late.

Work is still crazy. Too much work for just me. The good news is I'm now able to know what I can push back on, as in defer to others, and what just falls at the bottom of the priority list. Which are HUGE wins.

One interesting side effect is that people have gotten used to me being friendly and nice, they haven't seen me bring down the hammer. Which since I'm not that much of a hard-ass just means I'm stern. On Friday I sent out an email without emoticons and jokes and got an invitation to lunch and two offers for a coffee break. Not in a mean way, a way to help relieve my frustration.

Okay maybe I was a little frustrated. But that's probably because I've been slacking on my meditation. Guess I can't blow that off anymore!

Fall really signals one big thing for me - my 40th rapidly approaches!! I'm torn between doing something epic that no one but me could afford, or doing something less monumental but much more inclusive financially. I'm leaning toward the latter at this point. Ski weekend maybe? Where do people go, Vail?

I've never been skiing. Ever. I think it would be a lot of fun, and I've found group trips that revolve around activities are way more fun for everyone. That way we have common group stories and individual stories at the same time. Exciting adventures and thrilling anecdotes.

So I think I may put off my next 'big' trip to my one year anniversary when I have three weeks of vacation instead of just two. That and when I have hired another person and the workload is a little more manageable for me to leave behind with my peeps.

To tide me over I'm taking my first vacation since my 39th, road trip!!! I'm helping my sister and her two dogs move from MI to FL, the panhandle. We're splitting the trip into three leisurely days, only driving five hours in each day. We're going to spend some time in Lexington and Nashville, neither of which I've ever gotten a chance to visit before. So I guess that also makes me the first to visit the fam in their new space. Score one for the Rockstar!

stupid 10 year anniversary

2011-09-10T01:43:00.001-04:00

Every year I dread the beginning of September. I moved here in October of 2000, and landed a 9-5 gig in the west village with office windows that faced the Statue of Liberty. And the World Trade Center.

Great view.

I have not written about my experiences previously because everyone I know was safe and sound. So my experiences seem small. Not that I'm saying my experiences don't matter, but that I know so many people whom were personally effected by the tragedy.

But I should write something. And I think that the length of the document to come, and the level of detail even after all these years should speak to how much 9/11 has imprinted itself on my being, as well as every person who was in New York on that day.

......

I was a little bit late to work. As per normal. I tended to work long hours, so if I arrived to work in the west village after nine by a few minutes I never had it held against me.

One subway stop before my exit the train stopped. The message on the speaker was vague, saying there was smoke ahead and the train would be held for a few minutes. Being that I had to get to work the walk of the extra stop was worth taking.

It was odd, as I exited the subway. Everyone was looking up. Everyone. Up and south. See, the avenue I was exiting had a perfectly clear view of the world trade center, and there was a gaping flaming whole in one of the towers.

Really, it looked like a scene out of the movies. It was so weird. I wracked my brain for anyone who would be awake that early and possibly be willing to check the news, and thought of my parents. I rarely call my parents. (rarely being never) I called home and my dad answered. He mentioned that a plane had hit one of the twin towers before, that the news thought it was an accident of some similar experience. I mentioned I could see everything but was safe and a good mile away. (Which worked in all our favors later when cell phones went down.)

So I had time. I stopped at my local deli for coffee and a muffin like any morning.

Then I walked the last block to work. And everything changed. A girl I knew met me and couldn't stop crying and saying "we're under attack! oh my god!" I mentioned the plane in the 70s and she told me she saw the second plane hit. This was no accident.

We were all just confused. In shock. What do you do? What was happening?

I went upstairs to work. When in doubt, follow the routine. We spent a lot of time in the conference room watching the news. And then walking to the windows to see the towers burning without the commentary. Some people just kept working, safer in the ritual than reality.

Then the first tower fell. We all gasped, ran to the windows. And it all became real.

The CEO of the company walked around and told us it was safer to stay put for now, until we knew what was going on.

One woman wouldn't stop crying, her fiance worked in the twin towers. Younger employees desperately tried to call their parents for comfort.

And we waited. Watched.

I was staring out the window at the spectacle with my friend Jane when the second tower fell. One minute it was still burning. Then it started to collapse. You could see people jumping/falling. It became dust and rubble. The dust didn't just fall down, it travelled out. It filled all the streets, it spread across the entire landscape in front of us.

We stood in shock. It was just too much.

The fiance showed up. He was covered in dust, head to toe covered in grey. Our co worker cried even louder in relief.

People started moving in slow motion. No one was thinking logically. I was ready to go home, it had been a couple hours since the planes hit and the attack seemed stalled. My home was in walking distance and more sustainable for me than to stay at work. I offered my home to those who lived further away.

About seven people left with me. One friend tried to get me to wear a piece of fabric over my mouth to protect me from fumes or dust. People moved slowly, it took a half hour to get everyone to leave and then we had to stop at a McDonalds so people could eat. It was like everyone had stopped thinking. I didn't need a big mac, I wanted to get where I had a store of water and food. But people were not smart that day.

We passed people covered in ash and crying often. There were exceptionally long lines of people donating blood. As much as the city was in shock it was also calm and generous. I thought there may be riots. Quite the opposite. People took care of each other.

At the time I lived around the corner from the United Nations, and had to show my ID to get to my apartment. It wasn't an issue and some of my non-manhattan living friends got to hang with me.

Until I had to go to work.

Oddest side effect of 9/11 - travelers couldn't leave. And they still had to eat. And I lived 2 blocks from the restaurant I moonlighted at so they needed my help to feed the stranded people.

No one wanted to work. But the people who were there knew they were all there was. We didn't realize how busy we would be.

It was an odd struggle, to feel so scared and violated and have to wait tables. You are used to smiling for a living, but who wanted to smile?!? I specifically remembered one table accusing me of being too positive, and how dare I. To which my response was "the only reason I'm here is because you are. I don't want to be here. I'm here for you."

That shut them up. Jerks.

Working did get me out of the shock wormhole, and that was good. The shock was hard to take.

The next morning I walked five avenues over to check out times square. There was one other person. That's it. It was breathtaking and terrifying at the same time. I've lived in NYC since through the blackout, earthquake, and hurricane, and never did the heart of manhattan freeze like on that day.

New York City had stopped.

We all broke a bit, that day. New Yorkers are a tough breed, unflappable. That day we were more than humbled. We were heartbroken. The amazing thing is that since we as a city are such scrappy people and so bent of the idea of being the best that we actually became a stronger community. We started to take better care of each other, united against some mysterious invisible foe.

And how it changed me? I started to run, as in jogging. Because for the first time in my life I realized that being healthy enough to be able to run away could save my life.

Stope and think about that for a moment. Really. Are you healthy enough to save yourself? I wasn't. Not then.

So as much as running has become my hobby it really is so much more. It is a genuine survival strategy. Because I saw how the towers fell and the dust spread. And in the story of my life, in my narrative I'm the one who gets out. But now I get that it takes a little practice.

And that is my story. I avoid ground zero, if i can I avoid the stories. I still tear up way too easily when the news brings up that day, even my beloved tasteful NPR. If I can I will avoid the entire media blitz this Sunday. All I would do is cry, and there is no use for that.

God bless to those who died or lost loved ones on that day. I can't imagine what you've been through, and am so sorry for your pain.

workaholic

2011-07-06T20:52:00.000-04:00

Holy moly. Wow. Yikes. Eek.

So you know how when you start a new job you kind of have a lull before you get the gist of it? You sort of have to search out what you have to do?

Yeah, I thought I jumped right into the fray. Ha. Ha ha. More like what I thought was busy was just a taste of what was to come.

In order to just barely keep up with my workload I have discovered that it is necessary to leave work at 7:00 pm and most nights continue to work at home for an hour or two. For instance, I have just now turned off my work laptop to blog on my fun laptop. (PC vs Mac, of course.) I could actually still do a couple of things..but have decided that what is left can be done in the morning and I need some down time.

Don't take me the wrong way, I'm not complaining. Nothing gets me inspired like a challenge and this sure is it! Also I'm in the process of hiring two people, which also sucks my time currently but will end up saving me muchos minutos in the future. So while I'll still have plenty of work to do eventually I'll be able to leave at 6:30 and stop working.

You're just wishing you could be me, right? Ha.

spirit fingers

2011-06-13T21:41:00.000-04:00

One fantastic side effect of having re-discovered my lust for life would be an increased sense of adventure. As in I'm gunning for excitement and willing to try new things.

Offhand one night I mentioned my my friend Jarv that I had read in the times about classes where you learn actual broadway musical dance routines. Which being such a huge bway fan totally geeks me out. Well guess what? Jarv has been longing to get back to some dance classes as she used to take them when she was younger.

Well what's to stop us then? Ha.

Turns out this place the Broadway Dance Center is a REAL dance school. You know, for people who go to Juilliard or are gainfully employed on the great white way. In order for me to take the musical class I apparently need to get some basic experience under my belt. Because I may have a sense of rhythm, but I'll be damned if I know a thing about choreography.

The first five minutes of the Intro to Jazz class told the tale. The teacher asked if there was anyone new to the class. Two strangers, Jarv, and I raised our hands. Then the question "has anyone never taken a dance class before?" was presented.

I raised my hand. All by my lonesome.

The teacher focused in on me. "You've never taken a dance class?"

"No"

"Never?"

"No"

"NEVER????"

Now I'm feeling paranoid. So I shrug and mumble "Well, maybe I have". Which is true. I did take exactly two ballet lessons when I was five years old. And you know, that was, like, yesterday. (ha ha)

She then asks me to demonstrate a plie'. Which I knew and performed. Then she asked me to show the class a releve'. And I just stood there staring at her blankly.

Luckily she said I could learn in the class and report back at the end. And I did. Whew.

Overall it was an interesting experience. And kind of fun. I was able to follow along 75% of the dance routine and actually feel like I was dancing for most of it. Which was great. I've even downloaded the song from itunes to practice. Because I DO need practice.

In the second class I attended there was someone else who was new to the center, and she was presented with the same quiz on the two moves. Which put my mind at ease as I hadn't been singled out, it was her generic way of determining skill levels. She did remember me when I went back. I most definitely stood out not only because of my apparent inexperience , but because I also happen to share the same first name as her dog. What are the odds.

Anyhoo I've committed to keep attending class until I either get better or decide that learning how to dance to grease lightning is beyond my grasp. Because how cool would I be if I could do actual dances from Grease??

Cool. Right. That's totally what you were thinking.

shiny

2011-06-08T23:58:00.000-04:00

This week I was flown out to Seattle to meet a whole bunch of people with whom I work with every day. It was kind of awesome.

My employer just built a whole new CAMPUS, not just a building. And it is glorious. Totally green (as in environmentally conscious.), shiny, progressive. I passed a ping pong table in use. They have vitamin water in the vending machines. They don't need whiteboards on the walls because all the wall ARE whiteboards.

So pretty.

So that was fun. On top of that it was so great to meet the people with whom I work with every day, albeit on the phone or via email. Face to face always helps. Especially once they see I'm friendly and am non-threatening.

Also great? Catching up with my friends jane and vicki who live in the area. They are such wonderful people to be around, and always make an evening spectacular.

Interestingly enough my work association got my hotel room upgraded. I got a jr suite with a spectacular city view. It was sick how awesome it was. Although when I ended up having to work east coast morning hours on the west coast the extra room kind of made a lot more sense. Every day I started work at 6:30 am and then worked until 7:00 pm.

Traveling was luxurious, flattering, exciting, and challenging. Thus I am very glad to be home.

Oh no, it's only Thursday....

back to normal

2011-06-04T19:48:00.000-04:00

Yep, I have not felt this good in years. Screw the last job, I hated it in the first six months and told everyone who asked. Sure it got better, and I being super positive believed it was okay.

Nope. Nope. My employees were fantastic and totally made my job palatable. And some of the corporate changes made my life manageable. My latest boss was great and I really enjoyed quite a few of the people who I saw every day.

But that place made me miserable. It could have been the top few people who never recognized my potential. It could have been the corporate culture of the place. Quite possibly it could be because it has been the ONLY company that I've ever worked at that never produced real friends, and a social life.

A mere two weeks into my new gig and I feel like myself again. The self I had almost forgotten. Suddenly I have energy, joy, vigor. I remember this person. It seems I fooled myself into believing I lost this self to aging Bah, humbug.

Wow. I have not felt this fantastic in forever. Health. Outlook. Hopes. Dreams. Thank the goddess for my new job!!

volleyball

2011-05-26T00:00:00.000-04:00

Tonight I played my first beach volleyball game in a social sports league. We only had six of our own players, so seven more people were assigned to us.

It. Was. Awesome. I was in rare form, making sure I knew everyone's name and cheering them all on. We won one out of three sets, and I did okay enough. I even got to dig a few times, which was wicked fun. It was so much fun to actively play on and cheer on a team!

Another terrific thing? The ENTIRE team, and a hell a lot of the league, all go to the bar afterwards! Discounts and socializing galore. How sweet is that?

Bump, set, spike!

first day!

2011-05-23T19:27:00.000-04:00

My walk to work took ten minutes, my computer was installed at about 11:00 am, and the two women I share my office with were very nice.

As my boss is out until Wednesday I'm kind of treading water. From what I gather the role I'm filling is really needed and people are really excited I'm there. Now if I could only find out what I'm doing, I'll be all set!

On a less happy note I was reminded that I've been spoiled the last couple of years. When I started at S&S often I worked until seven or eight pm. But the last couple of years my schedule was much more manageable, often I left between five and six. At the new gig the corporate culture is all about the nine to ten hour workdays. AND people bring their laptops home to work more.

Granted I won't even notice the long hours as long as I am busy. And don't forget how much I love to work hard on a problem. Then I'd be working late anyhoo.

Now I don't know what this will do to my running. Since historically I run after work, but outside before the sun goes down. Guess we'll see soon enough!

last day!!

2011-05-20T11:52:00.001-04:00

It is totally wrong of me to be this excited about leaving my job. There are plenty of people who are sad that I'm going, and more than one person has said to me "remember - it's always hardest on the ones left behind"

That being said, I am literally counting down the minutes until I'm out of here. Chomping at the bit.

As for drinks last night - they didn't suck! Actually it turned out to be pretty fun. More people showed up than I anticipated which was good for the ole ego. There really are so many nice people at this gig, it was nice to chat with them before I'm gone.

Now I'm just tying up some loose ends. Cleaned out my office (since I know who's going to sit there next), attended a surprise goodbye donut party, will wander around for more farewells, then a meeting at 1:00 and an exit interview at 2:30. Done and done.

new job!!

2011-05-18T11:33:00.000-04:00

Well I totally can't say nothing new is going on now. I received an offer to work at Amazon.com and I have accepted it!

Not only is it EXCELLENT money, but I still get to walk to work (bonus), the company is famous for job advancement/change every two years (extra bonus), and it seems to be staffed with people who I will really enjoy working with (super duper bonus if true)!!!

Being flown out to Seattle for a job interview was flattering and daunting. There are moments in your professional life where you feel like a real career woman, and being sent across country for a meeting is right now is at the top. As awesome as it was to go out there it was also that difficult to go through seven interviews in the one day. I left feeling like I bombed the interview, and that didn't feel so great. Even though they would call every week or so to say they were interested in me, my hopes were waning.

Until the Thursday of course when they made the offer. Since then I've been flying high, on top of the world. There are few more validating moments in any life than when you give notice at your job. You get to hear how much people like you, will miss you, or will miss your work ethic.

The only downside is that one of my three direct reports gave her notice two days after I did, with the same last day. (under two weeks notice, what the heck is that? guess not everyone I worked with respected me...) Which is a drag because that means the two people left will have to pull double duty to keep everything running smoothly. They can handle it, and I think that the pressure it will put on my successor will actually help him grow as a manager. Good experience to have.

So all in all great news. My last day at S&S is this Friday 5/20, and my first day at the new gig is the following Monday 5/23. I don't take time off, I like getting paid.

My goodbye bar night is tomorrow night. Sad to say, but I'm kind of dreading it. I never broke thru with the fun crowd at this company, never got invited for drinks by my peers. So at first I wasn't going to make it a big thing, was just going to grab a couple of peeps I have hung out with at work parties. But then a couple people asked so I figured what the heck, I'll make it official.

But I dread the turnout. It will be haphazard and possibly only semi-fun. Worst of all, I have a sneaking suspicion someone will ask my jerk sexist racist ex-boss to come, and he'll show up. He's still unemployed, so he already called me when he heard the news of my new gig.

See why I haven't had fun at this job? If I dread the bar nights what kind of place is that for me to work? Right?

meh

2011-03-04T14:29:00.000-05:00

Yes, I know I haven't posted in FOREVER. But what can I say, I just haven't felt like there was anything to write about.

The job has settled down. My new boss has been treating me and mine well, and people at work have been friendly and respectful. Heck, I even had a celebrity moment. A couple of weeks ago I agreed to be in a video for "new hire orientation", had to say what I liked about my employer. Yeah...it was played for the entire sales force and set of upper management. I've never been asked (in jest) for my autograph so much in my life. But I can't lie, I loved the attention.

My knee is still slowly getting better. I've started running again - three times to be exact. And my gimp run gets markedly better each time I go out. At this rate I'll be running races by the end of March. (hooray!!)

The hair still looks fantastic. Same stylist, still blond.

My 39th bday just passed, I went with two friends to New Orleans. Which was great. The trip was way awesome! I guess I could post on that. But meh.

What can I say, I just haven't inspired to write. I never was a diary girl growing up, maybe the blog was just a phase. Either that or I just ran out of things to complain about. Good living must breed artistic complacency after all!

under pressure

2010-12-05T14:28:00.004-05:00

It has been a stressful couple of weeks.

Two and a half weeks ago my boss walked into my office and let me know his job had been eliminated. Likewise for the whole department. All of his direct reports are spread out across the company. Even the group that has the exact same function of mine is reporting to an entirely different area than I am.

I won't lie, the layoff and reorg totally stressed me out. Since I've been at this job I've dealt with: two employees quitting in the first year, an employee having a breakdown and eventually dying in the second year, one boss getting fired in the third year and now another boss given the boot in the fourth year.

Seriously, WTF??

Luckily for me there is a lot going on for me that is good, thank heaven. My employees rock. Seriously; they get along with each other as well as other departments and follow my direction to a "T" with a smile, and because of this I have been told that we made our division more profitable than it has been in the past several years despite sales being down. That's right - we sold less books and our group made more money.

(And when I heard that I asked that my employees get a raise. C'mon, right?)

Also my new boss and direct superiors are really great to work with. They are positive and support our initiatives. Finally since I've been at this company every meeting is fun and conflict free. Teamwork in the best sense.

But all this positivity is superficial, the company still is run by the people who keep cutting out employees when they are done with them. My boss was here 25 years. Granted he sucked as a boss in every way, but it is more the fact that the culture of the people at the top is ruthless. A couple years where you don't produce at a certain level and out you go. And that causes a lot of angst for me.

As much as my group has done to help the company it is very clear to me that the jobs I and my parallel director have should be combined to one. Which means I'll have to either fight to take on more responsibility, proving myself to these awful politicos - or get the heck out of dodge. Ugh.

So yeah, stressed.

On another fun note I've been off the crutches for a week. Lord, I was SO looking forward to getting off the darn things. Little did I know how much it would hurt to walk. Oh. My. God. I still took a cab to work a couple days. My walking speed and posture is that of a one hundred year old woman. No lie.

My physical therapist is helping a lot. Every day it hurts a little less, and by resting yet more this weekend I almost have a stride that is unlike a zombie. Almost.

On the bright side I just got quite possibly the best haircut of my life. It has always been a struggle for me to find someone who can give me a decent trim. All my years I've been looking for a good stylist. After finding Rosemary at Timothy John's Salon not only have I gotten crazy amounts of compliments on my hair, but the cut was executed so well that it even looks good when I wake up. That's right - a head of hair that looks just as good the second day after washing!! A dream come true.

Which of course means that at despite zombie-lurching around the city muttering under my breath about the corporate droogs...at least I look good. Ha.

strong as bull

2010-11-06T15:27:00.002-04:00

Since I'm barely able to go a block on crutches I've been taking a taxi to and from work every day.

In the morning this is exceptionally easy. I've never had to stand in front of my apartment more than 30 seconds waiting for a free cab to drive by. Even in the rain.

After work however...is a bit more challenging. Rock center, smack dab in the middle of corporate central, is not an easy place to find a cab after 5:00.

The first week I lucked out, was able to get a cab relatively quickly. In under 15 minutes or so. This week? More of a struggle. I've found myself limping west on 48th street to find a free taxi before anyone else snatches it.

Which worked. Until yesterday.

That's right, yesterday I made it from 6th ave to Broadway without a yellow car to be found. So I kept going. And going. With stops every 40 heaves or so. Yes I did count, as a motivational tool.

Half an hour later I was home. I thought I lived maybe a quarter of a mile from work. Which I was proud of being able to navigate. Out of curiosity I just checked the distance on gmap pedometer. And wow.

Wow.

Half a mile. I used my arms to propel me home half a mile. That's right, I rock. Strong like bull.

gimp life

2010-11-04T22:19:00.004-04:00

Here I am, two and a half weeks on crutches after my surgery.

The cutting went well, and the incision went even better. I lucked out with a resident who decided to use internal stitches which equals almost no scar on my knee at all. Woot!

First week after the cut it was painful. But there are drugs for that, so I took my pills and stayed home from work.

Second week after surgery I was back to the daily grind. Turns out walking on crutches was MUCH more challenging than I expected. Kind of crazy hard. I was out of breath just going a few yards. I even worked up a sweat leaving my apartment, taking the elevator, and then leaving my lobby. My muscles were tired and stiff every evening.

So much so that the weekend after the first week back on the job I rested and was so stiff I pulled a shoulder muscle. Which then of course meant I was out of work two more days because my shoulder hurt too much to use crutches.

Awesome.

Job-wise it all was fine. I have the paid time off available and my staff kicks ass. So no harm no foul.

Home-wise I was fine too. New York City...the place where everything is delivered. They do it all the time anytime, so it kind of seems normal.

There have been a lot of people on a daily basis who ask me if I need anything. My friends have been amazing. Seriously, I feel almost guilty turning down all the offers of assistance. "Can I get you anything?", "What do you need?", "Do you need help?" I've said this before, being the girl who somehow ends up in the hospital too often, but you learn who you can count on when you are actually down for the count. Its the people who show up. I can be there for any number of people on their worst days, but those aren't necessarily the people who come around when I'm on the skids.

Or in this case, since I'm an outpatient, the people who ask me on any random day if I need something. These are good people.

Not that I've needed anything. (Or let anyone help me) You all know me, the independent Rockstar. I take care of myself. And I am proud of that.

So much so that I have not taken anyone up on the random daily offers. Not a one. In my mind not so much because I'm proving myself, but the monologue in my head says because heck, I'm fine. Some things are a little harder, but ain't no thag.

Yes, I do think that way.

Then the weirdest thing happened at work today. I was in the pantry to get my coffee (of course I had purchased a travel mug I could use with my crutches to maneuver all the way across the building to fill it up myself. Who am I to ask someone to get me coffee? That would be elitist.) and I run into the girl who had been on crutches in france while on a college exchange program. Crutches in french? That had to be a bitch.

We seem to have the same coffee schedule, we've seen each other several of my gimp days. But for some reason today she insisted on brewing my coffee. Taking my mug, putting in sweetener, milk, the coffee. AND IT DROVE ME CRAZY.

Seriously, she practically had to take all the elements of my coffee out of my hands. Not practically, she actually did take things out of my hands. It was the smallest thing, but I couldn't just let her make me coffee if I could do it myself.

Is it a control thing? An independence thing? A proving myself thing? I dunno. I just don't know. All I know is that so far since I've been disabled the only things that I have let people do for me have been the things people haven't given me a choice on.

Like the guy who ran across 6th Ave after work to flag me a cab. Or the lady in the basement of the building who tore the garbage bag out of my crutched hand to throw it in the trash. Or the guy who entered the revolving door before me then after exiting slowly kept turning it so I could navigate through. Or the random person who came and closed my cab door after I struggled my crutches and myself into the backseat.

Weird right? But I have to say these were random moments where I really did need help, that I couldn't plan on or schedule. Things that you can't really call a friend (or a new york delivery guy) to help you with, because it is a surprise that you need that help at all. At least a surprise to me. Most days I get that cab, can manage my garbage, navigate the revolving door, and get my cab door closed. But those are the random gifts I'm happy to receive.

Those and the offers for help. Come to think of it, knowing someone would help if you needed it kind of takes a lot of pressure off. Maybe it isn't so much that I need to prove myself as much as I just see how far I go before I need to call out a favor.

Kind of like riding a bike on training wheels. You keep going because knowing that those little rickety wheels on the side of your bike are there gives you the confidence you'll stay up.

That or like Dumbo's feather. That one I don't need to explain as much. But the idea holds.

human guinea pig

2010-08-31T16:43:00.003-04:00

Well it didn't last, my knee went bonkers on me again. Pretty much right after writing the last post. Go figure. Jinx.

It was pretty swollen and nasty for the wedding trip, despite consistent ice, NSAIDs, and compression. Not too painful, but not exactly uber comfy either.

Unfortunately it also started clicking, hitching and catching when I walk, so I acquiesced and made an appt to see my super knee doc. The appointment was today.

And a funny thing happened.

After having waited a few minutes in the examination room, the Dr Stein entered. Stopped. Looked at me oddly. And then asked me my name to double check his charts.

He then reentered the room and said "Same knee? Same problem?" Both of which I responded the affirmative.

He then sat next to me and with some kind of astonishment looked me right in the eye, "You're going to think I'm crazy, but I've got a cure."

It was odd how shocked he seemed. Feeling hopeful I said "What, do you have some kind of epoxy now?"

Still seeming rather blown away he replied "Yes"

Turns out just two months ago this new thing was put on the market - it is organic mushed up bone goo called DeNovo Cartilage Graft that they caulk into the gaping chunk missing from the articular cartilage of a joint, such as my knee. It takes on my own DNA and solidifies to become my bone. In effect totally fixing me.

His shock was because it is so new that I'll be the second person he personally uses it on. The first guy's surgery was just scheduled yesterday for Oct 4th. So my timing was just crazy. He told me that my condition is fairly rare and totally perfect for this procedure. So go me and my luck!

There are a few downsides. One - I'm on crutches six weeks. Two - real surgery not arthroscopic (I was totally knocked out for my last scope so what's the big diff?). Three - it is new, so long term effects aren't solid.

Which ironically isn't a new thing for me. Back in 2004 when I had my hernia repair the doc used Alloderm, a human tissue patch that melded into my own fascia. Also brand spanking new and at the time still part of studies. And I continue to rock the stuff.

So this will be the second set of dead person matter being put inside me. The benefits totally outweigh the risks, me having a completely fixed knee! No more risk of degenerative bone that will continue to crumble until I end up with my joint being replaced.

Can I say how glad I am to be in NYC? The docs here are on their game! Go modern science!!

(Date set for October 18th! Woot!)

on the road

2010-08-18T10:05:00.002-04:00

No, I did not go to my reunion. And from the pics I saw on facebook I'm glad I didn't, the only faces I recognized were those that I've already friended on the great online social big brother.

And now for the happy update, I'm running again!! Taking three weeks off of all physical activity (and I do mean all) did the trick! I went for a run Saturday which felt odd on the ole' knee, but afterwards experienced no swelling or pain. Went for a jog again two days ago, and nary a tinge or a gaff.

Now it is just a matter of seeing if I can safely, without injury, build up mileage to get myself to the marathon this year. No pressure...it isn't worth me hurting my knee again. But a girl's gotta try!

Best news - vacation is here!! Friday my cousin is getting married in Portland, and after a few days in that beautiful burb my sis and I are going to head up and spend a couple days in Seattle. Pacific Northwest here we come!

One interesting thing of note, as I've gotten older I've started making more and more lists for my trips. I used to just make the one. You know. The one that had "toothbrush" and "deodorant" on it. And I was suck at that...once forgetting my swimsuit for a white water rafting trip. Like I wasn't going to get wet??

At this moment I'm up to five lists for this adventure.

- what activities on what day, so I can figure out what I need

- the great packing list, things I absolutely cannot forget

- clothing list. specifics on what items to pack, trying to minimize qty while covering all activity needs. while of course looking fabulous.

- timeline before vacation. as in what the hell I still need to do in the 30 hours before I leave my apartment.

- wedding playlist. the computer savvy have been asked to monitor the macbook dj, so my sis and I decided to throw together our own playlists to supplement anything that could have been missed. it will be a dance dance wedding for sure!!

Here I thought it would be hard to have more than two lists. Who knew??

20 years

2010-08-09T14:47:00.002-04:00

It is the stuff of legend. Some dread its arrival, others look forward to the day with glee. Books, movies, plays...all written about this iconic meeting. It is a pinnacle event, the one great test of time the majority of Americans look upon.

The high school reunion.

Frankly I don't recall getting any notice of my 10 year reunion. But with the creation of facebook there has been no way to avoid the repeated reminders that my 20 year anniversary approaches.

Roughly the year of my graduation was the half point of my life right now. Just shy of an even distribution between childhood and adulthood. This helps spark some reflection...how am I different than I was at 18? Who am I now as compared to then? Would my high school self like my grown up self?

But the main question on my mind at this time is much simpler. To go or not to go. Do I bother to attend my 20 year high school reunion?

My graduating class was 222 strong, entirely female as I attended an all girls catholic high school. As a freshman I played softball and volleyball, then quit sports and became backstage crew for the drama club.

The culture in my school wasn't like the John Hughes movies where everyone was in a defined clique. Yes there were jocks and nerds, but we kind of focused less on naming a group than just paying attention to your own circle of friends. (And circle of drama, being all girls.)

Overall my group of friends was approximately 4-5 strong, specific girls entering and exiting the group at different times but always staying about the same number. There was an extended group of people of probably 10 more that I was friendly with but didn't really hang with outside of school.

So out of the 222 girls that means there are about 15-25 that I remember interacting with. Most of whom are on facebook.

Do I fly back to Michigan just to see these women? Is it worth the airfare and car rental to end up also seeing 100 women I don't remember at all?

I dunno, I just don't think I get the point. From what I can tell the people who want to attend in general are the ones who are either satisfied with their lives or want to brag about their lives. Or maybe a little of both.

Me? I know I'm high on the success scale for my class. Thing is most of my core high school friends are just scraping by, living paycheck to paycheck struggling to keep their jobs. Detroit has been hit really hard by the recession after all. It almost seems nicer for me not to attend so it doesn't seem like I'm rubbing their noses in my accomplishments.

Oh, what to do. Inaction alone may make up my mind for me as the party is this Saturday. I could catch a last minute deal airfare to Detroit...or I could wait for my 30 year reunion...

gimp city

2010-07-27T10:29:00.002-04:00

Did you know my body hates me? Have I mentioned that before?

My knee has gone wonky again.

Good news: Feels the same as post surgery, so I know what is wrong and how to fix it.

Bad news: How to fix it involves not doing anything for a while, and definitely not running a little longer than that.

Great.

What I find fascinating is that this injury occurred almost exactly a year after I started back running. My first race last year was July 18th. Which goes to show you that running alone did not do this to me. Something I did out of the norm did.

How I wish that I could say that it was something as simple as increasing my miles to quickly or old shoes that caused this. Or that I felt exactly when my knee went bonkers. But none of that happened. It felt rather odd just before, but not during, a Tuesday speed training class and then was swollen as hell Wednesday.

So here I am again. Hoping for the best - that I don't have to wait five months to recover. But then again not exactly minding the time off in this crazy heat.

As for the marathon this year...who knows. If I can get back on the road in the next month maybe I can still run it. But it is far easier to defer to run next year than to get a knee replacement. Just sayin.

date stories

2010-07-01T17:09:00.002-04:00

So I've been on quite a few dates over the past several months.

A lot of first dates.

Some are fine, nice enough guys. But I may find them boring. Or self-centered. Or unattractive. Or any combination of the three.

Every now and then I get a real peach, someone to write home about. Oh yeah, the bad date stories.

This one is a doozy, if you've seen me in the past couple of months I've told you about it.

This fine gentleman, who we'll call IT (pronounced eye-tea, as in Information Technology) was introduced to me by Chemistry.com. There was only one (bad) picture of him, but hey his profile summary was fun and entertaining. What's a girl got to lose?

As I walked into the bar it was fairly simple to identify IT. He looked more attractive than his profile pic. Good. His size however, was not on the profile. Six foot four inches and 350 pounds.

Seriously, this man was two or three of me. I couldn't even reach past his stomach and touch the top of his head standing on tippy toe.

Not being one to judge a book by its cover I brushed off the size difference and we proceeded to the bar. We commenced to the talking and as per norm we broached the topic of employment. You may have guessed by now that this gent works in IT, and he recently started working from home.

The concept of working from home always confounds me. So many distractions, how does anyone get things done? Do you make a schedule? Do you work in your pajamas? Is showering even necessary? Recently two different authors came into the office for a meet and greet, and each of them has a separate cabin/shed that they physically would 'travel' to in order to write. Kind of the setting up a ritual work space.

So I inquired of my above dilemma to IT. How does he approach his day? Does he work all day in his pajamas?

He squirmed. Hesitated. Then said, "Well, erm...less than that."

Confused, I inquired "What do you mean? How much less?" I'm thinking shorts, boxers.

Again he stalls for a minute. Reluctantly he eventually says "A lot less. Nothing."

Being me I don't react much, kind of just take the info in stride. We continue talking about work and such. Or actually I should say he kept talking, the guy went on and on about himself for the entire date. He didn't ask me a question until after I paid the bill. (Yes, you read that correctly. More on that in a bit.)

All this listening afforded me the opportunity to let the newly acquired work wardrobe info sink in. This guy spends all day, every day naked. At home. No clothes, hanging around his apartment.

Did I mention the size of this guy? Someone with that kinda girth is bound to sweat easily. Especially when sitting. So I start to get a visual in my head.

He's still talking, and all I can think of is nasty ball sweat all over his apartment. His couch, any chairs, god forbid a desk chair because you know how those are shaped and there might even be accumulation....

Yeah.

You can very easily tell if I had a good date vs. a bad one by the number of drinks I consume. Two is a bad date. Three is a kinda good date, and more is a guaranteed great time.

My second beer was gone and I asked for the check. It came. And sat there while IT continued to talk.

The bill untouched.

Looking forward to my exit I finally picked up the bill, gave it a once over. Still nodding my head to the conversation I slowly worked my way through my purse for my wallet. Found it. Pulled out cash.

IT still talks on about himself.

Placing the cash in the bill I set it down on the bar. FINALLY at this point IT says "Oh! Was that check just for you?"

I'm thinking "Seriously? C'mon!" But out loud I reply "No. It is for both of us."

To which he replies. "Okay. Did you want some money for that?"

"Nah" I say, dreading the idea of having to wait for him to get out his wallet and figure his share, get my change back, etc etc. "It's all set."

"All right" he says "But that means we'll have to go out again so I can pay."

Now I'm a proud strong feminist. I have no problem splitting a bill, and I've come to accept the cultural norm that a guy pays on the first date. But for the roles to literally reverse??? Me to pay for listening to him go on and on while being tortured with the visual of him lounging naked at home?

No. Hell no.

There was no date two. But I will say that bar bill was worth me being able to tell this story. Right?

faith

2010-06-09T11:48:00.004-04:00

Last night over a couple of beers I got into a heated discussion as to the nature of faith. When you fight about a word like that it always ends up coming down to semantics.

Mr Wizard insisted that he only has faith in things that he can empirically prove. I suggested that based on that statement science was his religion, since there is no way he's personally empirically proven every theory or law that is out there. At some point you rely on the demonstration of others.

To this he disagreed. No, he only believes in proof. So I suggested that most likely then he doesn't believe in love. To which he disagreed, as he had experienced love and therefore knew it was real.

But isn't every love different? When do you actually know vs trust that love is there? What empirical demonstration of love is there?

It was a very frustrating conversation. And now after looking up the definition of faith I know why.

There are a few interpretations...but essentially all revolve around confidence, trust, belief, and fidelity. And btw all demonstrate a complete lack of proof. As in the whole point of the word is to be devoid of testimony.

This just makes me sad. The idea of not having faith in anything seems kind of tragic. Where is the sense of wonder, surprise, mystery?

So to cheer myself up I decided to list the things that I have faith in.

- the innate goodness of people

- beer

- losing socks in the laundry (where do they go??)

- murphy's law

- the power of positive thinking

- Kermit the Frog

- my ability to succeed if I try

- last year's monster attack in Central Park

- crazy romantic love

- without pain there is no growth, the light at the end of the tunnel is worth the struggle

- Elvis lives!!

TV knowledge

2010-06-03T22:52:00.002-04:00

There isn't much about reality TV I like. Frankly I'm appalled by most of it. Appalled.

But today, I gleamed some knowledge.

Often in the storyline a parent or loved one will say how proud they are of a character. Reality TV loves these moments, and I suspect coach many of them.

Tonight I realized the tell. And I know this will serve me well in life in general.

If someone is told often and well that they are loved and that they do their people proud... they react by laughing, waving, shaking their head, and saying something like "aw mom", or "thanks dad" or "stop it, love you too sis"

On the flip side if the kid doesn't get positive reinforcement? Silence. Maybe a nod or a tear. If praise is rare the person will be quiet for fear of ending the moment - or the praise flipping over to criticism.

This realization blew my mind. Because we see this every day. Between married couples, friends, coworkers, families. The single best way to know if a group is as supportive behind closed doors as in public.

Good to know.

statistic

2010-05-24T10:23:00.002-04:00

Well, I guess it had to happen sometime. New York City has gotten impressively safer over the years, but there still is crime in the big city.

The other night I was out on the town and my wallet was stolen. From right out of my purse.

Grrrrr.

What galls me is I know EXACTLY when it happened. I was at the bar and my purse was on the back of my chair behind me. At one point I could feel someone close behind me who kept bumping my bag. The bar was full enough that I thought it was either a) someone jostling for bar space to get a drink or b) a person who was in close quarters just accidentally bumping into my bag.

Nope. Time came for the bill to be settled and when I reached into my bag no wallet was to be found. Being the eternal optimist I grasped at the possibility that I had inadvertently left it at home. Not likely, but it could happen. I keep my metro card in a separate pocket in my purse, so I hadn't looked in my bag since I left my apartment.

My whole way home I had every finger crossed. To arrive at my apartment where no wallet was found. Immediately I started cancelling cards...and confirmed I hadn't just lost it. Yep, charges for about $500 were made against my Amex.

Fortunately I'm not responsible for the fraudulent charges, I gotta say Amex is great with the customer service. Overnighting a new card and whatnot.

But now I'm wondering how far am I from identity theft? What are the odds this person threw away my wallet as opposed to kept the information to do more damage?

To be honest I'm happy that my whole purse wasn't taken, having my keys and camera and phone. Those things I would have to pay for. So I'm left just having to replace a bunch of plastic. And have earned the knowledge to be a little more wary of my personal space.

cynic

2010-05-20T22:38:00.002-04:00

What is the difference between jaded and wise?

A couple minutes ago I received a fantabulous email from a dating site. Seriously, it was so awesome.

So next I go to the guy's profile. Yep, again perfect. Seriously, there are things that I don't even put on my list that were there.

What do I do? Log off. This guy has an angle. He's faking. There is a game.

Crap. What is wrong with me? When did I become so cynical? I'm honest online, is it so hard to believe I'm the only one?

Crazy thing is I haven't really been lied to or misled by my online dating experiences. So this whole disbelief thing? It's gotta be me, my issues.

Guess I'll have to break down that wall.

Now how do I so that?

discipline

2010-05-17T17:13:00.002-04:00

Well here I am, a month away from the race that I decided I'm going to PR in. And how am I doing?

Ha.

Somewhere I lost my motivation again. I've been running only about two times a week. Which isn't much.

And it showed. My time for Saturday's 10k wasn't bad, it was just plain average. A typical race. Which means I'm going to need to get my ass back in gear.

First change I'm making? A pledge to run every single day until the June 12th 10k. Even if it is just a mile. Every day.

For 'real' runners this isn't a thang. They run that often anyway. For them missing a run makes for a sluggish day. But I've never really been that guy. Even when training for the 2006 marathon I was only running 3 days a week.

To help me along on my quest to be an every day runner I also invested some cashola in a running class. I've never done the group running thing before, but now I'll be doing it two nights a week for the next ten weeks.

Will the competition give me that extra motivation? Hope so.

rose colored glasses

2010-05-05T15:32:00.003-04:00

Today I inadvertently ticked somebody off. As in got them so angry that they called me and threatened to "escalate" the problem and "take it above my head".

Normally at work I don't have this problem. People know me, and therefore expect me to be pleasant and easy-going. If something I do or say seems aggressive or disrespectful they get confused and ask me for clarification.

But for some reason I just rub this one person the wrong way. Or do I? Does she react this way to everyone?

It just occurs to me that in life you can chose how to react to things. Inconveniences happen, things go wrong. Do you pick yourself up and brush yourself off, or lie there kicking and screaming?

The funny thing is that I kind of get how she got to be like this. The longer I'm in my job the more I get annoyed at other areas of the company. Which never used to happen. I always would laugh when other people did things wrong, thinking to myself "ah well, it was a mistake."

And I miss that!! I miss not getting my ire up and just letting work stuff roll off my shoulders. Getting fired up doesn't help anyone, especially me. Getting fired up just gets me worked up with no place to go. Because I can't fix other areas of the company.

So being at the edge of turning into this other person I have decided to laugh things off again. Accept that I can't change or fix other areas. Appreciate what can be fixed and chuckle my way through the day.

Also maybe forgive this person for her faults. Or really just avoid her. Yep, that sounds more like my style...

precious

2010-03-12T23:26:00.002-05:00

When I was 16 I went away for the summer. I went to camp.

Not as a resident, as an junior counselor.

This was 1988, the same time that the movie "Precious" takes place. Harlem and NYC were tough. So was Detroit. They were neck and neck every year for crime.

Don't misunderstand me, I grew up in a suburb of Detroit. Roseville, off of Gratiot between 10 and 11 mile roads. (As you may recall from Eminim 8 mile road is the northern border of Detroit.)

So I got this great gig. From my all-girl catholic high school. Away from my parents all summer. Be a counselor an hour and a half north, just past Port Huron. An all-girl catholic camp for inner city Detroit kids. Yes, I would be making a whopping $75 a week. But who cared???

I was 16 and on my own for three months. My own person, my own adult. Who could dream of more?

Problem is that they couldn't staff the camp. There were supposed to be two counsellors and one junior counsellor to every cabin. That didn't happen. Each cabin had one counsellor and one junior counsellor...who pretended to be an adult. I purposefully wore my dad's University of Detroit sweatshirt often so the kids thought I was at least legal.

But I wasn't. As a matter of fact I was 16 and in charge of a cabin of 14 year old girls. And these girls were being sent away for a reason. They needed to escape, to get away, to get a new perspective. Lake Erie, walks in the woods, and camp songs helped. Anything to get out of Detroit for a little while. And only the charity cases. It was St Vincent De Paul after all.

Each group stayed for two weeks, and there were four groups. The cabins held 30 girls apiece. They cried when they arrived because they were homesick, and then they cried when they left because they didn't want to go.

There is only one girl I remember. She was difficult. Every step, every turn she fought me. A lot of kids can be defiant, but this child was abusive. All she wanted to do was make me cry.

She succeeded. I thought I hid it well. She finally said something that hit home, and I ran out to the lake to hide my tears.

That was when she stopped fighting. When I came back she apologized for making me sad. And behaved from then on.

Tonight watching the movie Precious reminded me of her. She was a person who lived a life full of troubles and abuses that I honestly could not and cannot fathom. She was probably shuttled off to camp to get her out of the way. Here I was a blond girl who was frickin happy all the time trying to cheer her ass up. About what???

So of course she worked hard to find the status quo. Bring back the anger and disappointment. Comfort. But I didn't react the way she knew. I only fought back so much. And she realized that she didn't want to be that person to make me sad. Honestly the other girls may have shown some disappointment in her effect on me as well. Since they all liked me they didn't want to see me cry either. But it wasn't peer pressure that made her sorry. Her reconcilement was sincere.

Yet watching the movie, I wish I could have done more. I was too naive at that age to understand what she may have been dealing with, to intervene or do something. Anything.

But I was also too naive to hold a grudge. When she let go and stopped fighting I celebrated her for every moment she was there, like the rest of the girls.

One wonders, did this camp help anyone? Did they become stronger or more confident? I don't know. But I hope.

running behind

2010-03-01T16:26:00.004-05:00

It takes a lot of effort for me to keep my running mileage up.

Some people just do it. (Thank you Nike) They go every day, rain or shine, sickness or health. But me? If I'm ill, or it is cold, or I'm just unmotivated...

Nada.

In the past what has helped me keep my miles up is to have a specific gaol - and program to follow to reach it. It has to list out my easy runs, tempo runs, hill workouts, long runs, etc etc. In one way it is kind of like making an appointment to go a certain distance. Once it is on my calendar then I'm set.

(And yes I am that geek that literally puts this stuff on her calendar.)

So I need to get my ass in gear. Fortunately it is starting to get warmer and daylight savings time is right around the corner. These things TOTALLY help since I enjoy running in the park on a sunny cool evening.

Let's figure this out logically then. Training for the marathon starts in July, so I need to be in peak shape by then. Let's make that goal to set a PR for a 10k - the NYRR Women's Mini 10k on June 12th will do just fine.

Sure I could train for more distance, but why burn myself out?

Right now my personal best for anything 10k or greater is a 9:57 mile. My all time record for any race is a 5 miler at 9:29 pace, so I can totally replicate that for another 1.2 miles.

How about we really put one on the line and make my goal a matter of public record. I intend to shatter my previous PR and run the mini 10k with an average 9:15 pace finishing in 57 minutes 21 seconds.

Yeah, I have no idea if that is reasonable or not. How many seconds per mile is realistic to shave off a race in three months?

Guess we'll find out...

Forgot to add - also setting a goal to lose 10 lbs to offset what I'll gain in marathon training. Not that the lost weight won't help with the speed!

hits

2010-02-26T10:31:00.003-05:00

Dunno how this happened. As I am slightly tech-savvy I put a stat counter on my Rockstar Yoga site. And noticed that I've been getting traffic. Not necessarily from my blog either. From google.

So I checked it out.

If you google "private yoga NYC" or "weight loss yoga NYC" I come up right away on the first page! Not on the list below, but right on top in the local business results map!!

This is blowing my mind. All I did was sign up with Google as a local business. Really am I the only yoga instructor to do this in the city? That doesn't seem right. So how did I get to be in the top three?

Don't get me wrong, I'm delighted. I even had a nibble already from a potential customer. Looks like my investments are starting to pay off!

Ireland!!

2010-02-25T12:51:00.002-05:00

How remiss I have been. A whole trip to another continent and I haven't posted a darn thing.

The trip was great! The flights and hotel went off without a hitch. Every day was sunny and 45 degrees. Indeed the locals were friendly, and my handy iphone with gps prevented me from ever getting lost. It also kept me appraised of where to eat, how to find live music, and what times everything opened and closed.

One of my favorite things that I did was my visit to the Guinness Storehouse. Everyone recommends it, and it isn't like I don't love the beer anyway.

For some reason I figured it would take me about an hour at most to view, but not so much. I was there for two and a half hours. It is a seven story building that not only describes the brewing process, but also details the history of the company, the evolution of brewing, the changes in manufacturing and transport, the path of advertising, and the historical significance of the entire Guinness history.

Whew.

Then of course at the very top there is a bar with 360 degrees of glass walls to drink your free beer and look out over Dublin. And of course let all of that new knowledge sink in. Right now I'm still kind of a walking fact machine, it is scary.

The funniest thing occurred after my tour and brew when I went back to the ground floor to the gift shop to purchase some souvenirs. After picking out some gifts and sundries I headed to the cash register.

Where the clerk greeted me in French.

I stood there, stumped. Recognizing the language I was torn. Do I respond in kind? Explain that I'm not French? Ask why he spoke to me in that language?

Seriously, I just sat with my mouth open. Unsure of what to say next.

Eventually seeing my confused face the clerk then realized his error and inquired "Sorry, you're not French? Where are you from?"

At which point I replied "Oh, I'm from the US"

And he then said, "Ah, from a southern state with more exposure?"

Now I'm just laughing. "Errrrr...no. Quite the opposite. New York City"

So we both had a good chuckle. Apparently to the Irish I look French and tan. Me. Tan. Yeah. Seriously I was cracking up for the next half an hour. Awesome.

More adventures to come...

speak up

2010-02-06T14:26:00.002-05:00

The television is very pro-confrontation. Advice always centers around talking it through, for your sake and the sake of others. Because for some reason the issue just won't resolve itself if you don't take action.

This is not the way I was raised. Sure my siblings and I fought, but about stupid stuff like who ate the last cookie or got the best stocking stuffer. Nothing serious.

As a kid I never was grounded, not even once. Okay granted I was a pretty good kid. Always on the honor roll, holding down a second job, staying away from drugs. Save booze, but my parents discovered I drank because I refused to drive after having a couple wine coolers. (This was the 80's people, wine coolers came in 2 liters) Kinda hard to argue with a kid that responsible.

But there were things my parents probably would have sat me down and discussed if they followed the Oprah way of life. How do I know? Simple. Whenever my parents were upset with me they discussed it in the presence of or directly with my siblings. Who then turned right around and told me. So I knew. And either I changed my behavior or reasoned to myself why not changing my behavior was fine. Either way with no repercussions...save more updates from my sister or brother.

Most interestingly my parents complained about each other to me throughout my childhood. One of them would get me alone in a car and inevitably the sentence "don't tell your mother but" or "don't tell your father but" came up with some kinda story. Thus I would listen. I got pretty good at that I think. Of course I was too young to provide advice, but I learned a lot about their relationship. Not in a bad way. It gave me valuable insight to a marriage that has lasted for over forty years.

Funny thing is while this proved to be a peaceful upbringing it did not necessarily translate into my adult life well. It took me a long, long time to be able to speak up for myself on the job. I would get frustrated about something and instead of speaking to someone to correct the issue I would let the anger build up until I broke out in tears. Luckily that pretty much all happened in my waiting tables stage, so my professionalism wasn't put in question.

When I became a boss my need to be able to confront people became clear. And my god that was the hardest part about leaning to have employees. Indeed it is easier to not tell someone when they are doing something wrong, or that they need to improve their work. They will skate by thinking they are doing a fine job, but yet wonder why they aren't getting anywhere. Or why others are not recognizing their efforts.

So I learned to take the high road. Buck up, sit the person down and tell them straight. Even now I kind of tense up at the concept. The weird thing is I have accepted this as my role, so now when I see the need to speak up I start chomping at the bit. Literally I can't wait to get the words out of my mouth, to say what needs to be said. In some way I have become compulsively honest at work. Which I think my employees appreciate...at least after the moment passes. They know where they stand, and they trust I will let them know either way if they are doing well or not so much.

Ha, but my personal life? Nope. no way. I will do just about anything to avoid a tough conversation.

It just doesn't make sense to me to discuss the tough stuff. Unlike in work, when it is personal no one feels better. If I'm not happy with something then I feel miserable talking about it and the other person feels lousy for having upset me. On the other hand if I'm the one in the wrong I feel like a jerk. Either way I'm not feeling good. It's not like I need the release, I don't need to unload on the transgressor to feel better. I have a super high emotional metabolism, I move on.

Granted if there is an action that needs correcting I'll discuss, but that to me doesn't seem like confrontation mode. It is just a request to next time wash the dishes instead of letting them sit overnight. Or to throw out the empty container of milk. That's just communication, no feelings.

Confrontation about feelings? Nah. Making someone else feel bad doesn't make me feel better like T.V. insists. I think they got something wrong with that. Let's talk about forgive and forget, that's the real kindness.

what are you waiting for?

2010-02-02T21:13:00.002-05:00

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to travel to Ireland.

Call it familial pride, or cultural curiosity. Or maybe even an insatiable thirst for Guinness. Who knows. For whatever reason when people have asked me "if you could travel anywhere where would you go?" the answer has been the same. The Emerald Isle. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

So why haven't I been there yet?

Well, I was broke through my 20's. Totally my own fault. Switching majors and careers as often as I did wasn't the best way to accumulate cash. And the money I did make paid for college and rent.

As for the first half of my 30's? Yep, still broke. Moving to NYC will do that to ya. Especially if you are as hard headed as me and decide you have to live in Manhattan. So I worked my two jobs until the first paid me juuuuuuust enough to quit the second.

It was such a relief to finally get and use my passport last year. Seriously, I've come to the point where I'm almost embarrassed when the subject of world travel comes up on dates. Because it seems like a gaping hole in my life experience.

So here I am approaching another birthday. Another year older. Haven't put a stamp in my passport since January 2nd 2009.

What the hell am I waiting for? Well as a matter of fact I'm glad you asked.

Nothing.

I booked my trip!! That's right, I'm going to Dublin. Plane fares and hotel rates are cheap. The weather is warmer than NYC. And I get to celebrate my birthday doing something I've always dreamed of. (And valentines day too, that sure takes the sting out of being single!)

I'M GOING TO IRELAND I'M GOING TO IRELAND I'M GOING TO IRELAND!!!!!!

Not that I'm excited or anything. *joy*

live

2010-01-30T14:12:00.005-05:00

Well, it has been done. It took me a year of hedging, searching, writing, rearranging, editing, redesigning, and proofing. But it is here.

My website has gone live. It lives and breathes on the word wide web.

RockstarYogaNYC.com

The finished html was sent to me months ago. Yet I did nothing because I felt so completely overwhelmed by the idea of how the Internet actually works. But as predicted my little bit of self-imposed work drama - coupled with a date who insisted that getting my site online would be incredibly simple - inspired me to jump in with both feet.

It was as promised simple to get my host and upload my site. Right on mr date.

What has surprised me is how quickly I am picking up the html code. Since posting I have already corrected seven link issues, rearranged some formats, and changed around some buttons.

Yes I still need to correct the "Contact Us" page so a form is there. But not to worry, it will be fixed.

Honestly I'm kind of surprised at how rewarding it has been to fiddle around with my site. Carbon and Hools had given me some layout suggestions that my wed designer couldn't really understand, so now I look forward to tooling around with them myself.

Also to come will be figuring out how to get my site to pop up on google searches. Because right now that ain't happenin.

So where do I go from here? Well besides the search engine debacle I get to find some neighborhood clients to start earning back the money I've invested in this business. Ideally just one or two a week to dip my toe into the whole thing. Thus I need to buy Adobe and start designing a direct mailing flyer.

Boy, it sure takes a lot more than just a yoga certification to start an instructor business these days.

decisions

2010-01-26T12:48:00.002-05:00

Well, it came today.

"Congratulations BRIDGET COONEY!

You’re eligible for guaranteed entry to the race of a lifetime—the ING New York City Marathon on November 7, 2010. You must claim your guaranteed entry by March 15."

Okay, I totally know that I would tell someone else. Go ahead, sign up! You don't actually have to run it! You can train and then decide later to defer if you aren't feeling up to it this year!

Stupid me and my advice. If I don't take my own then I'm a total hypocrite. And those totally suck.

Dammit.

living in the uplink age

2010-01-25T23:09:00.004-05:00

So far 2010 has not been a stellar year of dating for many of my friends. Quite a few people I know have gone through break ups over the past few weeks, it has happened so often lately that I'm really wondering what is in the water.

One of the hardest things these days for everyone to get through is handling the split...in the social network medium. Everyone knows ending relationships are difficult enough as is. Now there is the damn facebook phenomenon.

Changing the status from in a relationship to single - the biggest stress because you wish you could kind of keep it under the radar. Does everyone need to know right away dammit? Sympathy for being single again is easier taken in sips than gulps.

Staying 'friends' or not? Do you cyber stalk to see if they are dating again? Or just hide their updates so you can be the good guy and try to bury your head in the sand?

Mutual friends who comment on the ex's updates. You can hide your ex but if your buddies keep in touch, you painfully do too.

And of course these are the tip of the iceberg, just the obvious problems. We are so connected now that our Internet wires cross over and under and just don't fade away. What do you do? De-friend them and get your best friends to do the same? Is that even morally acceptable?

Yes, somehow we as a culture have made breaking up harder. Argh.

As luck would have it you can find all kinds of other online arenas to mess with romance. Let's take for example...hmmm...if you start dating someone from say OK Cupid, Match, or Eharmony. You go out for just over a couple weeks and things seem to be going pretty well. Lots of laughs, plenty of chemistry, good times all around.

And then you notice that the person has changed their primary photo in their online profile within the past couple of days.

Ouch.

Yeah, you don't do that if you want to keep seeing the same person. Nope, I can't think of one scenario where you would.

Thank you, online dating, for keeping it real. Actually you have to admit it is better to find out sooner than later that someone isn't feeling the vibe. You can't say the guy did anything wrong, a couple of weeks a commitment does not make. But call me crazy - I am looking for a guy who meets me and wants to give dating me a chance, possibly even forget about keeping his options open.

So am I the kind of person that can just chill out and enjoy the moment? Can I just date for fun knowing there is a shelf life? I'm not really sure yet. It has been a while since I've been here. So I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

the five stages

2010-01-23T16:09:00.003-05:00

Things were moving along really well with my plans of world domination at the job...until the very end of the workday Friday. Then a HUGE wrench got thrown into the works. And my idea fell thru.

At first I was really disappointed. Sad. I was really getting stoked at the idea of taking on new challenges and a new role. Starting a new routine, learning a whole new job. How could they not want me? Am I actually not the best? Other people would be better than me? What did I do wrong? What if I had made my move sooner?

Then I got to the dinner party of the evening and stepped into denial. Oh well, such is life. It was worth a try but I'm no worse off.

After the party (which was quite fun) I fell headfirst into anger. What the frick is wrong with this company? Why don't they use my considerable talents instead of tossing them to the side? Even worse, why are they going to make things more difficult for me? The wrench in the works actually makes my life more pollitical and convolued. Argh.

Next of course came the bargaining. If I just wrote up a very detailed email listing exactly why they should let me take on the challenges the company will be better off. Lying in bed last night I couldn't sleep for thinking of all the things that will go wrong if they wouldn't follow my plan and why I should get my way.

Luckily I did fall asleep. And woke up with acceptance. This is the same company I got hired at three and a half years ago that is inefficient and mired down in red tape. My whole career there has been me fighting through the muck just so I can do the bare minimum, let alone really give it all I got. Which is why I have wanted for a while now to leave.

Shiny shiny had distracted me for a while. I'm really glad I tried to stretch my wings so I could see exactly how small the cage I'm in actually is.

That Kubler-Ross sure was a smart lady. Those stages really apply all over the place don't they? And of course I'm really lucky I have the high emotional metabolism to get through them so quickly. Onward and upward to something else!!

envelopes

2010-01-17T14:36:00.004-05:00

This last week has been one for the record books as far as my job goes. In a good way.

On Monday I turned in my list of accomplishments for last year. They were impressive. My department instilled new processes and concepts that completely reinvented the way we dealt with titles that are difficult to produce. We significantly cut down on printing too soon (and therefore too much) and spending too much on the prints.

In order to do this it required us proving our reliability and gaining trust from the upper management. Which my staff was able to do with flying colors.

So I was already feeling good about my peeps. Next we had sales conference this week. The head of the division gave an opening speech to the entire Children's gang. Editorial, production, marketing, art...and so on.

While saying how well 2009 did after all he then gave a major shout out to me and my group. A big one.

That felt good, I won't lie. And having people come up later to congratulate me on the comment or agree with it also felt pretty darn nifty.

What do I do then? Why go onto salary.com of course. Obviously no good thing can come from doing that. And guess what? I'm underpaid. By a lot. And I mean a lot lot.

Great. Granted this is publishing, notorious for paying the low end of the scale. But my pay isn't even ON the bell curve, let alone the bottom of it.

Being me I wouldn't let that sit. So I gathered all my data and my accolades and marched into my boss' office, demanding a raise. And my biggest leverage to help justify the increase?

Ha. For this I may end up kicking myself later. I proposed I take on a whole slew of new responsibilities. Should I get this added workload every day will be a struggle. But the work needs to be done to prevent waste of money and time.

Of course I know I can do what needs to be done. And so does my boss.

Lord, what have I done? Oye. Guess we'll find out soon enough if people really do believe I'm a miracle worker. And if I'm worth paying a competitive salary.

Why couldn't I just take a compliment and revel in it? What in my nature makes me push the envelope? I really don't know.

Ha, at least it is a trait that pays well.

podcast love

2010-01-12T13:22:00.002-05:00

Hello all - I just want to share my latest and greatest find. Over the last week I have discovered and become obsessed with the Nutrition Diva podcast.

From downloading about 20 different seven minute segments have resulted in myths being busted all over the place! For example I have learned that:

- dehydration is not as prevalent as we all think
- five eating tips to keep you feeling 30 when you reach 60
- top foods to buy organic because of pesticide residue
- drinking coffee is good for you, and is best if you have up to 3-4 cups a day
- your metabolism does not actually slow down when you eat less or fast
- vegetarianism is not as healthy as it used to be (hello processed foods)

And these are just off the top of my head!

Between This American Life, Stuff You Should Know, and the Bowery Boys my brain is getting filled with all kinds of random data. Bring on some trivial pursuit already!!

and for ne next caller

2010-01-07T22:27:00.003-05:00

Never say I don't take requests. When I was home for the holidays my mother mentioned that she had been reading my blog. She said she liked it, but there is one thing she would like to change.

I braced myself.

"What?" I asked. Ready. Steel.

"Well," she replied, "That you change your picture. We miss your beautiful smile."

Ha. That one isn't so hard to fix. And heck, I did pay a pretty penny to white-ify my toothies.

So mom, this one's for you. *Look left*

dangers of small talk

2010-01-06T16:50:00.002-05:00

As you well may know I tend to be fairly chatty at work. Or in general. If you at all look familiar (and sometimes even if you don't) I'll strike up a conversation if we are waiting around.

Earlier today when dashing into the elevator I recognized a co-worker entering at the same time. I immediately knew her to be a girl from my managing editorial department and recalled that she did not make it into work Monday because of travel delays.

Now I don't physically work with this girl very often. She attends a weekly meeting that I only join in about once every six months.

So we enter the elevator and I say "Hey! How are you? I heard you had some travel drama over the holidays?"

She tilted her head, wrinkled her brow, and hesitated.

"You were stuck at home Monday?" I prompted, "Couldn't make it into work?"

Then she smiled;

"No" she said "Holiday travels all went well! I was really lucky, no delays or anything!"

At which point I realize this is NOT the girl I know from managing editorial. And to top it off I therefore have absolutely no clue who this girl is.

So then I start to panic. Does she know who I am? Am I just some odd co-worker who asks personal questions to strangers? What if I really should know her but can't remember from where? Am I being overly friendly or am I failing as a fellow employee?

WHO IS THIS PERSON???

Of course this entire conversation and the whole panic in my head happened in the elevator traveling from the 4th floor to the ground floor. Not a long trip. But let me tell you it was hard keeping a jovial look on my face once I realized my mistake.

Now I'm a little paranoid. I'm actually considering wandering around my floor looking at faces and door tags to figure out who she is. Argh.

just a few stairs

2010-01-05T11:52:00.002-05:00

Okay, I am compelled to point this out.

The annual New York Road Runners race up the stairs of the Empire State Building has filled to capacity.

That's 86 flights, a quarter mile of stairs. Which is a bitch in any form, now compile with the fact that you are running up in little circles up a narrow stairwell.

Seriously, it is full. It boggles the mind.

holiday 2009

2010-01-04T12:30:00.003-05:00

Wow, that holiday went by in the blink of an eye.

Tell you what, only going to Michigan for four nights, working up until Christmas and then back to work again before new years really lessens the impact of the whole shebang. Last year's venture from Dtown to the Canaries seemed like forever - if only just the same week and a half.

Not that this holiday wasn't full of fun and games. Some highlights:

- Lots of family time. Spent time with the 'rents, was accosted two separate days by my five nieces and nephews. (Of whom only one maybe is old enough to remember me when I come back next year bearing gifts.) Also saw my godmother and her offspring with their offspring. Have officially had my fill of children for a score.

- Spent some hang time with Heath et al at the Oak Cafe. Got some of my Bell's fix in, delish. Why oh why won't they sell the stuff here??

- Sis and hubby got in a killer nerf gun fight. I got shot in the eye. Just like in the damn Christmas Story - only of course I don't wear glasses. Am doomed to get a red eye every holiday it seems.

- Got to spend some quality time at favorite Sidetracks for the fried dill pickles and was introduced to the Jolly Pumpkin Brewery in downtown A2. The beer is great, but don't try the pork special. I warn you because I care. Four o'clock in the morning I was unfortunate enough to experience it again the wrong way, so not worth that second time around. Stick with the truffle pizza and fries.

- Time with the 'marrieds'! Down to Paul, Julie, and Jen this year. Intimate but way great to see them. Maybe we should do a trip sometime this year?

- NYE in Queens with the Bonicas, Jules, and Jo Jo. Warm, dry, and fun. At least dry until I went to open some frozen champagne. Then it got messy.

- Somehow in there I was also able to squeeze in a couple of dates. One guy is out, but the other is holding on...will we make it to date three? He lives AND works in Jersey, so guess we'll see how that works. I'm a little skeptical about the idea. For gods' sake, that's an entire other state! With a whole river inbetween!! And a different transit system to get there!!!

cast iron tastebuds

2009-12-23T10:53:00.002-05:00

Well I am glad to say that I survived my encounter with the PORK ON FIRE. To be honest it didn't seem all that spicy to me, I never felt the exquisite balance between pain and pleasure the reviews promised.

My date on the other hand was in quite a bit of discomfort. He got another highly recommended dish, the larb gai, which he couldn't even finish eating. I tried it, but wasn't phased at all by the seasoning.

Therefore I crown myself queen of all hot foods, warrior of the spice. My gullet may not be able to handle too many raw vegetables on any given day but by god I can eat spicy food. Bring on the next challenging dish!!

Oh, and btw yes you did read that I was on a date. So if on a second date the person talks about their job from sit down, thru ordering, appetizers, and then dinner do you think that is much? No varying from the subject either, my job (or life) didn't get a single inquiry. It was so bad that after finishing the main course I excused myself to the powder room and requested that upon my return we change the subject.

Not a good sign, right? Yeah.

To be fair I'm open to the possibility the excessive one sided convo could be chalked up to nerves on his part. So date number three will be in effect. A movie next Tuesday when I'm back from Detroit. Granted we won't get a chance to talk until after the flick...so we'll see then.

be brave

2009-12-22T18:50:00.003-05:00

Ah, tonight I dine here. And do not be fooled, I will indeed try the Pork On Fire.

Can I take it? Well I guess we'll have to see...

filler

2009-12-21T13:41:00.000-05:00

Well I did it. I ran my nine races to qualify for the 2010 ING New York Marathon.

To be honest I'm kinda 'meh' about it. You would think I'd be all proud, since I couldn't run at all at the beginning of the year and once I could I had to literally run every race (save one I was sick for) that was a qualifier to get where I am now.

This year I ran every NYRR race from July on. Even the last two weekends in the freezing cold weather. This past Saturday was a 20 degree 15k. That is a really cold temperature to run over an hour and a half.

Do I even want to run the marathon? I still don't know. I think I'm just looking for a new goal, something significant to work towards and another 26.2 acts as good filler.

You know, maybe I should make a really kick ass vacation my next goal. Believe it or not I only used half of my vacation time so I could carry the rest over. This means I have 22 vacation days to use in 2010. That is a whole month.

Or I cash out as much of my vacation time (which I can do, $$$$!) when I quit the corporate life to be my own boss.

Or maybe I could make some extra cash on the side as my own boss and still take that month long vacation. But is that the chicken way out? Doesn't everyone say if you want it you have to dare to do it? Conventional wisdom says that only those who take big risks get big rewards.

The naughts are over, seems like I need to get my priorities in check and pick a direction to head in. Enough of walking in circles, I've got places to go.

back to the drawing board

2009-12-09T08:16:00.003-05:00

Well, it seems the raw diet really doesn't heal all.

Since doing the raw until dinner I have felt good about myself, proud of eating such healthy foods.

Unfortunately my Crohn's didn't feel the same way. I've had a couple of mini flareups. Nothing to send me to the hospital, just a couple of sleepless nights. Including last night.

So I'm going to back it up a bit. Still going to be as unprocessed as possible (now that I have the knack) but will eat myself cooked meals like the rest of the universe. Ayruvedic methodology never really supported the raw lifestyle, so maybe I'll read up more on that kind of diet.

But before I go back to whole foods I'll need to liquid it up a couple of days to rest the ole' intestines. Kind of like RICE therapy for running injuries (rest, ice compression, elevation) you gotta stay off the gimp leg while it heals.

Too bad I just got a fresh direct delivery...let's see how long that food can keep.

nature vs nurture

2009-12-04T11:13:00.002-05:00

Are there certain things about us that are inherent? Great philosophers have debated this idea for centuries.

Me, I decide to give up coffee and start running in the morning and I come to some surprising conclusions.

Coffee makes me happy. There, I said it. This morning I woke up kind of dragging with a slight case of the stupids and I decided to treat myself to a cup of java. Just a small cup from Dunkin Donuts, nothing crazy.

One little beverage later and I am in a terrific mood. My thoughts are clearer and my work ethic has doubled.

Why did I even stop? The detox. And I did the detox was because I was so tired I relied on up to six cups of coffee a day just to feel baseline normal. Once my body was free of caffeine and toxins I promised myself to maintain my new found health. Meaning that I swore off my favorite beverage.

Yes, you read that correctly. I love coffee more than I love booze.

Also against what I perceive as my nature I decided to start getting up early in the mornings to run. So I began going to bed early and doing exactly that.

This lead me to realize that I hate my life when I go to bed early. Really, it is that simple. My life just seems so boring to me if I hit the hay before 10:30. Which just brings me down altogether. Once the thrill of being that person who gets up in the morning for a run wore off I realized I really didn't like being an early to bed kinda gal.

Thus I've decided that my state of mental well being outweighs my drive for certain kinds of ideals. I like being a happy, hardworking, energetic night person.

So is that my nature? Or is my nature to strive to be content? Then again maybe I'm just too judgemental about myself. I tried a couple of things out that didn't stick, there are things that have changed about me over the years. How quick we are to forget our accomplishments.

The key I suppose is to keep trying new things, because amidst the failures we can find the things that indeed will change us to better ourselves.

For me that journey will happen all the while drinking coffee (tempered qtys now, that is new) and staying up late.

if wishes were horses

2009-11-13T14:35:00.002-05:00

A long time ago I discovered the advantage of goal lists. Not the kind that you write haphazardly on a cocktail napkin and lose, but the kind that you actually have in a place that you'll go back and check to see what kind of progress you made.

Most likely the reason I'm a fan is because for the longest time I felt like I never accomplished anything. Yet whenever I'd go back to my list I could check off 75% of what I had written!

We so quickly forget our accomplishments and focus on what we lack. Human nature I think.

My favorite place now to log my goals is the Lululemon Goaltender site. It is based online and lets you track your progress towards 1yr, 5yr, and 10yr goals for career, personal, and health. Not too shabby.

Diligently I have been working towards being a yoga instructor. First part-time to make some extra cash, but with future retirement plan potential. So my blinders have been on and I've been investing my time and money. Then today I re-read my career goals:

self. free. flexible schedule. comfortable. friendly. relationships. challenge. change. security. growth potential.

It hit me - right now in my full time gig I have six out of ten. Which is WAY better than I thought for some reason. It wasn't when I started, or even after two years. Heck in the beginning of 2009 I only had one I think.

So this change in my nine to five gig is good, I can let myself off the hook a little bit about the yoga thing. With corporate life going well there is no rush to be a yogi. Just a really great tax deduction on a business that is making a negative profit.

Sweet.

the whole crew

2009-11-10T11:09:00.002-05:00

Sunny day, keeping the clouds away...

more muppet love

2009-11-09T14:10:00.002-05:00

How long do you think it would take the count to get to 40 you think? Like two days?

worst. notice. ever

2009-11-08T21:39:00.003-05:00

This note is posted in my building:

ATTENTION TENANTS

THERE WILL BE NO HOT WATER OR HEAT FOR THREE DAYS, TUESDAY 11/10, WEDNESDAY 11/11, AND THURSDAY 11/12. THIS IS NECESSARY AS WE WILL BE REPLACING THE BOILER BURNER. SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.

Oh, that will be a joy. Three days without hot water or heat. Maybe fate's way of encouraging me to get up early and run? At least then I'll warm up in the morning.

little things

2009-11-06T16:27:00.002-05:00

My sis just sent me this. *joy*

Happy Friday!

what's stopping you

2009-11-05T21:03:00.002-05:00

For a while now I've wanted to be the kind of person who gets up in the morning and goes for a run.

Oh, I have excuses. My current nine to five life means I have to get up too early for my constitution. Heck, I'm a night person! When I get myself into a job that doesn't start 'till the afternoon then I'll be able to run when I wake up.

What a load of bull. When I have a new career that lets me sleep in later I'll stay up later. And still not want to wake up. I will still want to roll over and go back to sleep.

So what is stopping me? It isn't like I go out every night of the week, and when I do go out every night isn't a late one. That was my life a few years ago, not now. Between selling my soul to the corporate devil, training for a marathon, and then getting a yoga teacher certification I calmed down the night life.

Made things a little more disciplined. And healthier.

The choice is mine. Do I stay up later to watch a TV show that I'm barely interested in (or that I can DVR) or do I hit the hay and start becoming a little bit more of the person I want to be?

Thus starts the great experiment. I may aspire to be the kind of person who gets up to run, but when I get there is that who I really enjoy being?

How long should I go at it to make a decision. Three months? A commitment to wake up before work 3-4 business days a week. Will I like that girl?

We'll see. Starting now. (And that scares me a little bit, yes it does.)

Detroit pride

2009-10-25T18:56:00.004-04:00

My father was born in Yonkers, New York. Him and his siblings before him. He was born in 1938, and the future wasn't in New York

The future was Detroit.

Our entire Cooney family, grandfather - grandmother - seven kids - great uncle - moved to the motor city because of the promise. The future. The motor city offered a good living for the common man. No special education needed.

This happened before Detroit was great, before unions even existed. There are pictures of my Great Uncle Dick* with Jimmy Hoffa when they were fighting to create the unions. My family was there, they helped build the automotive empire.

While my grandfather and great uncle worked for the big three not all their children followed in their footsteps. A few did. My father was a rebel, he went to college (and grad school) against his father's wishes. My grandfather told my dad he was a fool to go to college, that it was a waste of his time. He could make a great wage at an assembly plant, tuition was a waste of money.

Really.

Despite all this so many years later I graduated from high school and went to GMI and worked for General Motors.

Not out of family pride. Hell no, out of greed. I read somewhere the best wage out of college was in engineering, and I wanted to make money. And also believed I could do anything I wanted, so why not make some green?

Well obviously my life and my goals changed. I realized that money means little to my happiness and that I felt more alive living in NYC than anywhere else I had been.

But despite this by god I still love Detroit. I am obsessively defensive and loyal to the city. Maybe it explains my love of the underdog...or my image of myself as one. I am fiercely proud of having lived in such a tough place, and manically protective of its reputation at the same time .

There are so many amazing things about this city, historical details that still put me in awe. Yet its current economic state prevents the rest of the world from seeing any of it. People visit Memphis because of Elvis, as depressed as it may be. But no one, and I mean NO ONE visits Detroit.

So here I live in gotham loving my life, but feeling such a strong connection to a city with no hope. Then I saw this:

And I took the magazine from my doctor's office. to read the article associated with the cover, and read these words...

"The neighborhood where I lived as a child, where for decades orderly rows of sturdy brick homes lined each block, is now the urban equivalent of a boxer's mouth, more gaps than teeth. Some of the surviving houses look as if the wrecker's ball is the only thing that could relieve their pain. "

My god, if only I was that eloquent. Exactly what I long to say to those who don't understand what Detroit is now.

Yet here is this article, which accurately describes the entire downfall of the motor city. Big and little pieces. The history I live but have such a hard time explaining to the rest of America.

Please, if you are the least bit curious read the article and the month long introspective. Not because of me, but because we all learn from our mistakes.

Here there is a city that within a century was the promise of the world then became the ruin of the nation....I think we all need to learn how to avoid repeating that same history.

(Hello dot com bust?)

* Uncle Dick really his name, Richard Cooney. Dick was the common nickname, and never diminutive when it came to him.

small talk

2009-10-23T13:18:00.002-04:00

If you had asked me five years ago I would have told you that I sucked at small talk.

What was I thinking?

In order to be good at socializing you have to be able to sustain a conversation about the weather, last night's TV lineup, or the sports team currently in finals. Heck, I can talk up a storm on those topics and more.

It is funny to me now that I perceived that I was terrible at something I actually navigate with ease. For some reason I tend to have odd things going around in my brain all the time that make for great conversation. Like being on a detox. Or giving up caffeine. Or how Columbus Day isn't celebrated by Italians in Michigan. Or that I hope the weather is nice for the race I'm running on Sunday.

Ever since moving my office from the 9th floor to the 4th floor I've actually gotten completely back into my small talk stride. At the mighty bird I chatted up everyone I even remotely knew all the time. Elevator, walking the hall, pouring coffee. But when I came to S&S for some reason I stopped being social. Until now. If you happen to catch me in the kitchen getting some tea or water - watch out! I'll be throwing witty banter all over the place.

That being said it is a little trickier moving from the small talk to a real sustainable conversation. I've always been a little frustrated when I end up relying on asking about work. The classic "So what do you do?".

Ugh, so boring.

Then yesterday I read something that really made sense. Instead of asking about someones job, instead ask what they are passionate about. (Can't remember where I read this though.)

Interesting.

So lo and behold last night Jules and I went to an urban escapes mixer. A happy hour for people to chat with people they had met on previous trips with the company. That with happy hour specials and raffle prizes.

We bumped into four people who had gone on our tubing and wine tasting trip and talked to them for a good two hours or so. Eventually it had to happen...the conversation slowed...and I asked one girl what she did for a living.

As she responded in a lackluster manner I remembered what I had read earlier in the day. And my next question was "So is what you do what you are passionate about?"

Wow. What a reaction! She perked right up and said "hell no" then went on about what she in fact does care about and what she wants to do. Conversation 110% revived. Another person in the dialogue actually stopped, looked at me in amazement and said "wow, that was a really great question." To which I said "I know, right? It really works!"

Thus now I will add this to the stable of handy convo topics. And of course am sharing the secret with all of you. Because it is the gift that keeps on giving!

Are you still who I raised you to be

2009-10-16T22:39:00.001-04:00

My parents are very catholic. They are the people who go to every Sunday mass, follow every protocol. Once as a teen once I asked my mother “why are you here? What is the point of life?

Without skipping a beat and in complete earnest my mother replied, “To know God, to love God, and to serve God.”

Well what the heck do you say to that? That is the definition of true faith.

My parents are wonderful people. My mom carries the weight of the world on her shoulders with grace and ease. My father guides us every day to the positive way of thinking to lead us to accomplish our dreams.

These are good people.

My parents are proud of me for my accomplishments, with is very rewarding. I work very hard, and it is nice to know my parents feel rewarded by that.

I remember the first time I heard my parents were proud of me. It was at a family party, I couldn’t remember which. All I know is that people kept saying how proud my parents were of me, and after three people said that I was in tears.

I also have gotten letters from them saying so much since I’ve been here in NYC. And at this point I believe them.

My parents raised me very well. I was taught everything in the true spirit of Jesus. Love the sinner, the broken, the hurt, and the outcast. Whether it is the taxman, the whore, and the traitor. Love them for who they are.

The sweet irony is that if you love these people in this day and age the Catholic Church kind of rejects you.

My entire twenties were spent appreciating anyone and everyone who was an individual (and not easily defined by Catholicism). Because I see myself as a true individual I seek out and respect others who are special in their own way.

Sadly my parents were afraid of this behavior.

Not without reason. I jumped from job to job….flight attendant, bartender, optician, waitress… all the time just living for the moment. Celebrating life, be it mine or my friends.

This entire time I was celebrating a lifestyle that my parents could not condone nor understand. They wanted to support me as their child but none of my actions made any sense.

Which is pure irony. Because I am the person my parents raised me to be.

I love everyone; Really, I believe we all mean the best.

I forgive. Almost immediately. Grudges don’t come from me, others impose.

I want to help people feel accepted, and will go out of my way to make that happen.

I seek out those who don’t ‘fit in’ because they need my love more.

The most joy I get in any given moment of any given day is by making someone smile. Or laugh. (Making them belly laugh is better)

When I was in my 20’s and living as a waitress and whatnot spending my life as an alternative lifestyle my parents were concerned. Not for my mental health, but for my future. Who would take care of me? How would I retire?

Such irony. Knowing so many people has given me a wider safety net. If I am truly in need I have so many wonderful people to call upon that I trust.

I will say this in all earnestness as a compliment to my parents…everyone I meet loves me. Really, people just like me. Whatever they taught me they taught right.

Often though I wonder if my parents celebrate the true spirit of me, who they raised me to be. When I walk into a room I am well received because of my acceptance of others for who they are. That unconditional love Jesus spoke of.

Would they love me more if I were a ‘true catholic’ who was married with kids and my church friends? Or am I accepted for loving more?

Do your parents love you for how they describe you or who they wanted you to be?

I love my parents for who they are and who they want to be. I accept them and appreciate them for who they are. Really I only want the same.

miracle cure

2009-10-14T13:34:00.004-04:00

On my quest to be healthy it seems I am bound to blog in gross and grosser ways.

Last week I started to come down with a cold. One of those you can feel in the back of your head and throat. Your head feels a bit inflated, you are a bit run down, and your throat is on the verge of being sore.

If you are like me you got for the basics first. Head to bed early, drink lots of liquids.

Nope. Still sick.

Went to kick-ass yoga seminar to twist and sweat all the evil germs out of my system.

Nice try. But no dice.

Thus I finally acquiesced and bought a neti pot.

Since being active in the yoga community I have heard accolades over and over about how good for you this thing is. People swear by this damn thingamajig.

While deliberating the purchase of a neti pot a thought did occur to me. When I have a sore in my mouth or my throat is raw I gargle salt water and it helps me heal. Why wouldn't the same concept apply to my sinuses?

Well of course the proof is in the pudding. How was I the day after I bought and used the neti pot?

All better. The cold is gone.

Yes the first time it feels kinda odd. Not uncomfortable or scary, just weird. The trick is to remember to breathe in and out of your mouth while pouring. To make sure I do this I have found myself singing a little ditty to the song "Lollipop" while pouring. It goes like this...

Neti pot, neti pot
oh neti neti neti
neti pot, neti pot
oh neti neti neti
neti pot
*pop*
bum bum bum

What a cheery way to start the day, no?

Officially I am a convert. I'm using it every morning now because an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. By god if I make it through the winter without getting sick I'm buying stock in a company that makes these damn things.

not so raw

2009-10-12T13:13:00.003-04:00

Just wanted to give you all an update on the great raw diet experiment of 2009.

The first week went fairly well save the toxin overload. It isn't as hard to eat raw as you might think. Of course that being said I am a single woman with no kids working a regular nine to five. I have the time to prepare tasty raw food meals and snacks.

Which I also have to point out take less time to prepare than cooked foods. Half the time to be exact. Since when you cook you prep then heat then eat. Living raw you just prep and eat. Very efficient. And half the dishes.

So I am at this point about 65%-75% raw. My colonic hydro therapist and the raw books I read suggested that all raw is too much to spring on a body and that I should do "raw till dinner" instead. So I eat raw for breakfast, lunch, and snacks, followed by a dinner consisting of a raw side plus some combo of cooked veggies, meat, or starch.

Overall I feel good. The first week I was tired all the time thus eating cooked foods at dinner is definitely sitting better with this body of mine.

Am I as energetic as I was while on the detox? Not quite yet. I'm still a little sluggish toward the end of the workday, have to motivate to go to yoga or to run. While on the detox I had so much energy I almost had to go work out!

Of course I'm not going to bed at 10:00 like while on the detox either. That might have something to do with it.

Thus I'm sticking with the raw till dinner for another week or two, to see how it pans out.

playing dead

2009-10-09T21:42:00.003-04:00

See if you can spot the rockstar yogi playing savasana...

More fun videos from the creator Bite Size Yoga. Enjoy!

drugged

2009-10-08T10:28:00.002-04:00

Am I really the person to be living this super duper healthy lifestyle? I ask myself because right now I have a little bit of a headache.

Not a big one, seriously it is a *hint* of one. Like when I'm busy I don't notice it at all.

Yet my first reaction still is to pop a couple of advil.

Gotta tell ya, I don't understand the people who don't take over the counter drugs as readily as me. I have a couple friends who forget that they could take pain pills at all. Or cold pills. Or cough medicine. They just move through life in discomfort until someone reminds them that there is a magical drug to make them feel better.

Let me tell you, I never forget magical drugs.

Thus here I am mentally reaching for an advil. Every fiber of my being is saying "Why be in any discomfort at all? One little swallow and you'll be right as rain."

But here I am resisting because I've been restricting myself from putting anything in my body that is not all natural and unprocessed. Painkillers are processed.

Oh wait - but asprin isn't! It is tree bark!! Or some dried version thereof.

Ha, that's just me rationalizing again. Dammit. We'll see how long this uber healthy life really lasts...

TMI

2009-10-04T12:23:00.001-04:00

With the detoxing and the raw food thing I've been reading a lot of books. One thing that all these books have in common is they stress how important it is for your body to eliminate the toxins, and that you need to aid your body as much as possible.

They all suggest some of the same things to do this. Dry brushing the skin, sweating in saunas, and regular...ahem...movements.

One thing they also all rather strongly suggest is colon hydrotherapy. Yes, that would be a colonic. I mean, every book really REALLY pushes it. All based on the theory that the rate of toxins being cleared out of your body increases with healthy behavior and therefore it is important to give yourself an extra helping hand with elimination. If you don't then you risk the danger of the nasties building up freeform in your system, which will result in you feeling very sick.

Now I don't know about you, but that seemed farfetched. Too woo-woo. And also the idea of getting a colonic is kinda scary, having had all the tummy issues in my life.

But that's what I thought when I read the books. Then the toxin buildup actually happened to me Thursday night.

After eating all raw four days I was beginning to feel a bit off. The lymph nodes under my chin were swollen. I was really really tired. Next I started to feel cold. Cold like when you have a fever. But my temperature was fine. My legs started to ache. And finally the nausea came on. My god I felt terrible. I laid in bed wearing three sweatshirts under two blankets in pain yet so exhausted I actually felt drugged, all while wanting to puke.

What the frick??

No way was it food poisoning, I had been doing all organic super healthy. It hit me - the toxin thing those books wrote about was actually for real. And I was swimming in blech. Which of course meant...oh boy...I would have to get a colonic.

Crap.

(Ha, get it?)

Thus yesterday I bit the bullet and did it. Woods gravity method colon hydrotherapy. Forty-five minutes of flushing out my pipes. It wasn't as embarrassing as I thought it would be, the hydrotherapist was actually really fun to talk to and full of awesome info about different dieting lifestyles and their effects on the body.

It was however as uncomfortable as I thought it would be. But not because of the gear and where it goes. Because it is forty-five minutes of water being pumped in to your colon. Of which your body wants to move back out. You are basically bloated and mildly crampy for almost an hour. Not fun. Nope.

So how do I feel now, was it worth it? Hard to say since I drank too much last night and am hung over. I will say that my tummy is a little flatter today, so much so that I keep looking at it in surprise. As to my state of toxicity and overall health from the cleanse - that we'll have to wait and see. But if it prevents another episode like the other night? Hell then sign me up as a convert.

One last thought did cross my mind though. What if all the toxin stuff is falooey and really you just feel sick because your body doesn't like the diet?

Just a little food for thought.

(My god I'm a pun maniac today!! Good post for it...)

qualify

2009-10-02T12:44:00.005-04:00

Okay, some of you may have suspected this already. Being that I've been running so many races and I already volunteered at one this year as well.

For kicks I'm seeing if I can qualify for the 2010 ING NYC Marathon.

In order to pull this off the nine races since July. This takes a little diligence since most people start their count in the beginning of the year.

When I decided to give this a whirl I counted out all the qualifying races that were left in the year, and either I was going to have to run a half marathon this weekend (Grete's Great Gallop) or a 15K on Dec 19th.

Just in case you didn't know, December is COLD. I don't mind running in some cold, but middle of December getting my ass out to central park in below freezing weather to wait for the gun to go off to start the race and then be all sweaty afterwards outside when you stop...not fun.

So I decided to make the half marathon a goal. It was going to be tight; I had just enough time to train responsibly - only increasing my mileage each week by 10%. So I got started. Ran long runs of four miles, six miles, eight miles....

Then remembered how bored I get during long runs. And that even though I loved the feeling of accomplishment with completing a marathon that I HATE all the training. All those long runs. Ugh.

Thus I stopped training for the half. I've been keeping my runs to six miles max because that is the limit of my interest.

As luck would have it I was misinformed on one little point. Just before the half this weekend there is a shorter race, a 1.7 mile Norway Run. Which I thought wasn't a qualifier. But I went out on a limb and actually asked NYRR...to find out it does count towards my nine races!!

Game. On. After that only four races to go.

Now I'll have to figure out if I actually want to run another marathon....not quite sure on that one yet.

out of office

2009-09-29T12:45:00.000-04:00

Back to the dating files. Seems 2009 is my year of dating via chemistry.com.

Early August I met someone, we'll call him Drama since he's a playwright/actor. We hit it off really well at the start. He was really attentive and affectionate, just the way I like 'em. When we would go out on dates he would ask "when can I see you again" and I'd get at least one email or text a day.

Sappy sweet. So my speed.

Thus I was really excited. Hell, I even went out and bought some new clothes for our dates. Which I NEVER do.

Next all of a sudden Drama got busy. Really busy. His day job started throwing projects at him that ate up his weekend and the play that he wrote and was acting in was heading into heavy rehearsals.

Since we had such a good couple of weeks I was all supportive. "Sure I understand you are busy, I've been busy before." But then time moved on. We only saw each other for an occasional booty call. No catch up before, a sleep over and then a see ya later.

Then there were the daily emails. Our fun frequent email exchanges came down to one a day from him asking how I was. I of course would write back some details and funny stories. Witty banter. Then when I asked about his day it was always "busy and tired".

Seriously, I was dating an out of office message for three weeks. Same thing, over and over. The response varied in grammar but that is about it.

Listen, I do get being booked and having a lot going on. But seriously with that much going on isn't there something, ANYTHING to talk about? At least for me there is. Activity gets the gears a'turnin, motivates ideas and inspiration. Gives new perspective and insight.

In a last ditch effort I told him I was tired of dating via email. So he agreed to go on a date...to see a movie. The conversation was the same out of office message, saw the movie, then he wanted to hook up.

Oh no. It doesn't work like that. At least not for me. I want someone who is interested in what I have going on and has interesting thing of their own to share. So that was the end of that.

On the bright side whatever that was - busy or not that into me - it was my favorite breakup of the year. All it took was me not returning one email and one text and not reaching out on my own. No confrontation no issues. Love it.

Yes I may be a wuss when it comes to breaking up, but when it works out to my favor then I'm much more interested in continuing my dating streak. Because next time instead of having a breakup made for me I'll have a relationship made for me instead. Nice.

livin' raw

2009-09-27T12:47:00.004-04:00

Okay, I have decided to take a leap. I am going to live raw for a while.

Over the detox I already talked about how awesome I felt by dipping my toe into the raw diet world. Well I've been eating more and more 'normal' foods since then and while my energy is still totally at a high compared to pre-detox I'm not feeling quite as spectacular.

So I 'm going to do it. But with a few rules.

No preachiness. This is how I'm going to eat for a while, that's all. We'll see how long I can go at work and in life just making raw choices and not calling attention to a food lifestyle. I vow not to bring it up as a topic of conversation. If someone asks about it I'll gladly explain, but I'm not going to make this a thing. My blog is the best place to talk this all out, so people can turn away if they are not interested.

Flexibility. If I'm at a party or out to dinner with friends I will eat normally. That means sharing regular appetizers and partaking in cooked foods. If you don't count snacks there are 21 meals in a week, if one or two of those are not raw the benefits of my diet won't be lost. Eating with friends has social and cultural repercussions that I believe are very important and I don't want to miss out on.

Real world. Where I'm still not drinking coffee I'm going to drink tea. And while wine is considered a raw food (never heated over 120 degrees) I will still enjoy a beer or two. Or ten, since you all know me. The idea of this lifestyle is to rotate my meals and snacks around being raw, there are going to be foods and drinks that I still want to consume, and so I will. Thus I'm not 100% raw, the percentage is yet to be seen but I'm aiming for 75%-90% for now.

It won't be hard to make this transition; most of the food in my pantry is unprocessed. I had eaten, given away, or thrown out all the prepared food weeks ago. The biggest commitment I had to make was investing in a good food processor. So I went whole hog and bought the Cuisinart elite die-cast 12 cup that has the additional 4-cup bowl included.

Isn't it pretty? When on the detoxing I was buying my food prepared, but four bucks for a single serving of carrot raisin salad when I could make five servings for the same price doesn't make sense.
Besides, I've always wanted to make my own pesto and hummus. And it works as a blender too, so I can have smoothies all the time!

*Joy*

Should this be a lifestyle that I end up embracing for a while I'll have to get a dehydrator next. I bought a recipe book and while there are tons of tasty meals I can make with my new toy above, it seems a dehydrator is a key tool in food preparation for living raw. But we'll cross that road when we get to it.

Off I go to buy my groceries for the week! I wonder if it will be cheaper to live off of produce as opposed to processed foods. We'll see.

gentle nudge

2009-09-26T08:25:00.000-04:00

Just in case I was considering rolling over in bed this morning and skipping out on running...the jackhammer stepped in and guided me back to the virtuous path.

All new yorkers have had to live through this. Most likely more than once. Being woken in the morning by the dulcet sounds of a jackhammer pounding away. During the week the official start time is 7:00 am, and out of kindness to us poor corporate schmucks they don't start on Saturdays until 8:00 am.

How generous of them right??

One time out of spite I decided I would not let the relentless drilling outside my window disturb my beauty sleep. After being rudely woken from my slumber I ran around my apartment to find the earplugs I had bought for an international flight and never used. Once found I stuffed them in my ears.

And could still hear the roadwork.

So then I wrapped my head in a blanket and put pillows right next to either ear. While not completely blocking out the sound I was able to get back to sleep for probably another half hour.

Yeah, I showed them.

living caffeine free

2009-09-23T10:41:00.000-04:00

Yes, you did read that post title correctly. I, Bridget Rockstar, have been living caffeine free since August 5th. That would be seven weeks for those of you counting.

Okay let me qualify that a bit. I have had coffee twice in that time after the actual detox. Quite tasty java sent to me by my cousin Cath and her girly-friend Heath from a Portland coffee house. But both times were on the weekend for no other reason but the enjoyment of really good coffee. Not the drug effects.

Two months ago I never thought I would be able to function without caffeine. A couple of times I tried to power through without my coffee or red bull, only to feel like I was walking underwater with my brain in a fog. Not fun and not conducive to getting work done.

Yet here I am working at top capacity every day without my regular cup (or six) of joe.

Oh, and don't think I've been tempted! If I had one too many the night before or am in the middle of a really stressful day I totally crave a cuppa. But having held on this long makes me think I could have quite possibly kicked the habit for good.

First smoking, now coffee. What's next??

okay, if I HAVE to...

2009-09-22T14:02:00.000-04:00

My iphone lost the ability to ring.

Not from old age, but from me being a klutz and dropping it all the time. Specifically the silencer button on the side of the phone broke, leaving it on quiet for all eternity.

Indeed I made an effort, scheduling a mac bar appointment and visiting the genius. But sadly this little switch on the side cannot be replaced. The choice was simple - live with no auditory notice of phone calls or text messages or buy a new phone.

Darn. (Not)

So yay I have a new iphone! The 3GS of course with a whopping 32GB of memory. For the first time since I have had an ipod my entire music library can come along with me for the ride.

*joy*

Watch out world, rockstar now comes with video!

fat lip

2009-09-21T22:28:00.000-04:00

This is just a really fun fact about rockstar.

Well, I don't know about fun. Maybe oddly interesting? Or the weird kinda gross where you can't look away?

Either way…to my story. In general when I break out with acne I don't tend to get those little pimples. Oh no, I get the massive under the skin cysts that bulge and grow and take two weeks to go away.

When I'm REALLY lucky one will start on my chin about a quarter of an inch below my lower lip...and give me a fat lip.

Seriously.

Take this morning for example. I woke up to the left side of my bottom lip being swollen - resulting in its being about a half an inch higher than the right side. The zit on the chin isn't puffy, for some reason since there is so little to the face in that area the swelling goes up instead of out.

In the past I've gone the positive route and assumed that no one really notices. I mean, how much can a pimple really do to my mouth??

Enough I suppose. People can totally see the difference. Last time it happened as soon as one of my employees saw me he asked me about it. Understandable. It was a fat lip. Anyone would want to know if I had acquired the swelling by knocking myself on something. Or gotten in a bar fight. Or fallen on my face while trying to hit a punching bag.

But I digress. When it happens it is noticeable. So I wake up and desperately ice the damn blemish and take three Advil in hopes the anti-inflammatory action takes effect enough to help the swelling go down by the time I get to work.

Good times.

That's all really, just part of my life. Just thought you'd enjoy the share. Happy Monday!

they had to go there

2009-09-17T13:27:00.002-04:00

New York City is littered with advertisements for the new ABC fall season of sitcoms. They are plastered all over subway cars and bus stops, you can't go anywhere without a reminder that they've got these shows.

And every time I see one I find myself uncontrollably rolling my eyes. Just seeing the add makes me cringe.

For what show you ask? Oh, Cougar Town.

Some show starring Courtney Cox as a recently divorced 40 something "getting herself back out there" so she doesn't "shrivel up and die".

Honestly I'm trying to pinpoint why I find the entire premise of the show so insulting. Is it the double standard that a woman in her forties dating younger men is entertainment but reverse the genders and it is romantic?

Maybe it is that I feel that I am the target market and I utterly don't relate or don't care about this material. Which makes me feel like I'm being sold to which we all know is annoying.

Quite possibly it is also a little that if this show was to work for me it would have to be an actress who was more...relatable. Human. Courtney Cox seems kind of plastic and awkward. And not in a good way.

Whatever it is I am curious to see if my reactions translate to Middle America. Being a single never married woman living in NYC makes me kind of a smaller demographic. Is it possible housewives in Idaho dream of jumping into the dating pool again looking like Monica from friends?

Guess we'll see soon enough.

damn you HBO!

2009-09-15T21:36:00.005-04:00

The other day I watched the documentary Youth Knows No Pain on HBO.

This movie follows the 38-year-old woman as she investigates the anti-aging markets of the USA. Everything from the effectiveness of creams and serums to the efficacy of injectibles and eventually surgical procedures. She interviews people who use the methods as well as the people who create the products and the doctors who administer them.

Why in gods name did I watch the damn thing? What was I thinking?

It was done well; I have to admit that at least. The problem is that the lead Mitch McCabe in the film is a year older than me and of course obsessed with looking old. She scrutinized herself and everyone around her in such detail that now I'm looking in whole new places for signs of aging. After an hour of watching all I could think was "If she is my age and really needs to have work done, I must too! What am I not seeing?"

Oh paranoia, my good friend. Prior to viewing this film I had exercised my own little efforts to maintain a youthful appearance. I wear bangs to hide my forehead and regularly exfoliate and moisturize to prevent any eye or lip wrinkles. (Years of smoking may have prematurely started pucker lines.)

But wait! There are other signs of aging! The fat in your face moves south, making the top of your face thinner and creating those howdy-doody jowl lines. Now all of a sudden THIS is the most noticeable sign of age I see on others. And the only place I look when I catch myself in the mirror.

At this point I'm actually considering injectables. The only thing really stopping me is the concern that once you start you can’t stop, that you need to maintain. That would be a pain in the arse.

Okay I lie; the maintenance isn’t the only thing stopping me. With the detox I dropped some pounds, and I’m still losing weight. I’m also kinda hoping that if I keep on getting thinner I’ll lose some of the fat from my face. Thus looking younger.

So we’ll see what wins. Gained confidence from being thinner or neurosis about looking my age.

After going the whole detox – all natural route I’m guessing the former.

so frickin' close

2009-09-12T19:39:00.003-04:00

Today I ran the Fitness Mind, Body Spirit Games 4 mile race sponsored by the New York Road Runners, and completed the race in 38:18 averaging 9:34 a mile.

Just shy of my personal record. By how much you ask?

Three seconds. Three goddamn seconds.

Seriously, if I had just dug down a little deeper at the end and gotten a good sprint I would have had a new PR!!

And then also would probably have puked. I was on the edge of vomiting already; the last several yards were up a steep hill. Bastards had to go and plan the race that way.

Okay I totally know that I should be reveling in such an amazing accomplishment. Yeah, I am aware that I am totally lucky to be back running again after having my knee surgery and that getting this speed improvement is a bonus.

But runners don't work that way. We want to do better. And when we do hit a new best we look at what we did wrong so we can go even faster the next time. You may be running a race but your main competitor is yourself.

That's one of the reasons so many people will run more than one marathon. Twenty-six point two miles offers endless opportunities to make improvements. After completing the race all you do is look back at oh so many choices you could have made differently.

It is ironic that in my life this is the only thing I really allow myself to "what if" over. My life choices have molded me, and since I like who I am this makes me grateful for my experiences.

Guess I’ll be adding more hill work to my running schedule for that next race…

how easy are you?

2009-09-10T21:06:00.002-04:00

Exactly how does one define being a high or low maintenance girlfriend?

Ah, the age old question. As a relatively low-maintenance friend I'd like to say that it translates to dating. But I'm afraid I'm pretty good at looking subjectively at myself and I've decided I am in fact high maintenance.

*Sigh*

It is tricky because I’m not sure how I would define the lower spectrum. As far as I'm concerned I know that I need a lot of affection and attention.

A lot.

The level of flattery of course has to be much more significant in the beginning of a relationship than later on. Just because I like a lot of proof. I need to be reminded often that I am very high on the priority list of the guy I am dating. If the guy I'm seeing isn't dying to know about my day and showering me with compliments at least once every 24 hours I'm so done.

Now you are totally agreeing that I'm not easy to date right?

So if I had to define low maintenance? Okay with a shout out on a busy day. Fine with only going on a date once a week if it is a busy time of year. Doesn't start a fight in public. Not made jealous by a simple conversation with a single girl. Only expects gifts on special occasions, and when a gift is given it doesn’t have to be extravagant.

Granted I'm only needy for attention, not the jealous and argumentative type. Thus I am relieved to believe on the scale of difficulty I'm only medium hard to date.

That's kind of comforting I suppose. I do have to wonder what other tricky girlfriend traits I didn't list however…

conspiracy theory

2009-09-08T21:27:00.002-04:00

If you live in NYC and are a fan of Central Park you may have heard about the storm on August 18th.

Supposedly this was the worst storm in park history. At this time the fallen and badly damaged tree count is up to 400, which is a frickin lot of trees.

What strikes me as odd is how localized this destruction was. All this damage occurred north of 95th street, and the park only goes to 110th st. And it all happened in a half an hour.

No damage occurred lower in the park, and no buildings around the north part of the park were afflicted.

Stranger and stranger, right??? After the storm you couldn't walk 50 feet without seeing HUGE trees lying fallen on the ground.

So here is what I'm thinking. No way was a storm that localized. NO WAY.

It was aliens. Like a skirmish broke out with the real men in black.

Okay, or maybe it was a Godzilla type monster war. Some kind of large mutant creature fight that broke out and trees were stepped on and knocked askew.

Oooh! Or it was a wizard fight! Like the death eaters vs. the order of the phoenix!! All those spells flying helter skelter felled some timber.

One of these ideas has to be right. I’m sure there is some cover up about what really happened.

Best of all? The huge piles of wood chips currently hanging out in the park. They smell awful, not at all like normally fragrant shredded wood. Methinks there may be a dead alien corpse or some such hidden under there.

Seriously.

hijinx

2009-09-07T16:09:00.003-04:00

Wow, what a weekend.

Last minute this week Hools and I set up some Labor Day weekend plans.

Saturday was to be tubing down the Delaware River followed by wine tasting with Urban Adventures. Sunday would be a trip to Coney Island checking out the aquarium and then a Cyclones game.

The urban adventure went exactly as planned - and was perfect. Ideal weather, incredibly friendly and fun staff, and an altogether perfectly planned and executed outing. This company has only been around 14 months and I have to say the entire day was so impressive Hools and I are chomping at the bit to sign up for our next adventure "out of the bubble".

Maybe Shootin and Drinkin?

Course I've never really been a whiskey drinker. I think maybe this is more my speed.

Sunday on the other hand did not turn out as planned at all. But ended up being spectacular in entirely other ways.

The day started out sunny and warm, and then the wind kicked up. Holy mother of god sand was blowing everywhere! This caused a mad rush to the aquarium and a line that looked a good half-hour long. So we put the kybosh on that one.

Luckily my favorite thing to do in Coney Island - visiting the freaks at the sideshow - was wide open. We fortuitously arrived just as the show was starting and before the rush. Then we hung out at the freak bar and had a couple of brews before heading over to the Cyclone ball field.

Which was frickin cold. That wind was carrying some very cool fall temperatures and despite the fact I had purchased TWO shirts I was freezing. We did last three beers and eight innings like true troopers though. Then headed back for the city on a search for a nice bar.

And boy did we find it. We stopped at Hibernia, formerly known as the Electric Banana. Remodeled and under new management it seems to have built quite a fun and social community. They had arranged a Met game outing and quite a few clientele returned to the bar afterward to continue the party. And they were sociable. We talked to so many people and had so many laughs, even had a shot or two.

Oh, and I drank a shot out of my shoe.

Yeah.

Some of the regulars were saying that on your birthday there was a stiletto behind the bar that they make you do a shot out of. When I asked the bartender about this tradition he requested that I hand over my flip-flop. You know, the one I wore all day walking around the windy sandy Coney Island and then the subway and the city. So I did.

And then he took a bottle of jagermeister and started pouring some down my flip-flop. Without even thinking...

Yeah I drank out of my nasty disgusting shoe.

Then sat in shock for like ten minutes at what I had done. Obviously I am very susceptible to suggestion. My god, who am I??

Best part? Like a half hour later I did another shot out of my other shoe. And when there was a little jager left in my heel the bartender finished it off.

Awesome. Simply awesome. I think this is my new favorite bar.

side effects

2009-09-04T12:47:00.003-04:00

Odd. Last night I had beer and pizza. That would be reintroducing gluten, alcohol, dairy, and processed meat. (sausage on the pizza.)

Talk about really bringing it on.

Today my guts feel fine. I had a lot of beer so am a little hung over, but still feel the renewed energy from the detox. So far one night of debauchery my body can process, awesome news!

But back to the odd. The one thing that is different? I'm back to biting my nails. For the last few weeks I just didn't feel like it, I have some beer and pizza and the old habit just starts back up.

What is that??

self perception

2009-09-03T13:52:00.005-04:00

For the last two years I had convinced myself that I have a weak chin.

This is something that never even hit my radar in my 20's. Thus it came as quite a shock to suddenly see that in all my pics my chin just disappeared.

So I started paying more attention to my poses in photographs. Tilt the head, chin up, keep neck straight. In important meetings I made an effort to keep my posture up as well, doing my best to keep my chin as pronounced as possible.

As I mentioned this detox has helped me shed a few pounds. And guess what. My chin is back.

All along I had a double chin. Damn you fat fairy!! It snuck up on me somewhere, those extra couple inches of adipose tissue.

It makes sense to me now, being that I never was so self conscious of my chin when I was younger. But isn't it odd how I deceived myself that it was a permanent flaw instead of a correctable one? Or maybe resigned myself that it was something that was more noticeable with age as opposed to more noticeable with heft?

Guess it just goes to show - I really show weight gain in my face. Lucky me. But good to note for the future.

Now I wonder if I lose five more pounds if I’ll look five years younger, less wrinkles? Talk about motivation to diet!

boyfriend shuffle

2009-09-02T13:29:00.003-04:00

What the heck do I want from a boyfriend?

God, I ask myself that question all the time. Well maybe not all the time, just when I think about dating.

A few months ago I asked Ctina the purpose to having a significant other, and she had a pretty good response. To have a number 1. Your automatic reliable fall back person. The one who you run to first with good news or who will pick you up when you are down. (Or in my mind picks you up when you have outpatient surgery.)

That I get. It works with the logic of my life because I've always had a really wonderful network of friends who I rely on for these things, thus my drive for a designated No 1 is lessened.

But what do I actually want from someone I'm seeing? Ugh, that's hard to pin down. Looking at how I've dated lately helps.

Basics include: smart, funny, accepting of alternative lifestyles, good in social situations, moral but not religious, ambitious about some life path, attractive. Oh, and let's not forget the most important - he has to be into me. That's a biggie.

Guy number one this year (we'll call him Mr. Magazine because of where he worked) was smart, funny, and cute. He had the geeky glasses and casual clothing look I go for (aka Rivers Cuomo), and was really up on his current events. We had a good time hanging out.

With Mr. Magazine sadly there wasn't chemistry. We didn't really have a burning desire to spend time together, and the bedroom was more robotic than passionate. So that only lasted about a month.

Fella number two (we'll call him Mr. Layoff since he was laid off of work the day of our first date) was sweet, attentive, and cuddly. He was really into indie music which works for me because I love seeing live bands in small venues, and constantly was emailing me and texting me sweet nothings. Which incidentally I discovered that I really enjoy. At least for the first several weeks.

Unfortunately Mr. Layoff didn't add much to conversation, and my desire to spend time with him fell well below the radar. And where the bedroom was much more passionate at first the frequency of the passion became almost nonexistent right away. We dated for six weeks and there was one night he came over to watch a movie and then slept over - and we barely made out!

No chemistry after all, that had to end.

So I definitely have learned something to put on my 'yes and no' list for dating.

Lust vs. real chemistry.

Sex driven lust is fun and will get you through several dates if the guy qualifies for boyfriend potential. And if the bedroom escapades are really hot then it may last more than a couple dates.

But it is really about the chemistry, that thing that makes you just want to be in the same room as the other person as much as possible. Without that the relationship is doomed.

Now I just need to come up with some kind of gauge to tell the difference.

all about a detox

2009-08-31T13:56:00.003-04:00

Free at last! Free at last! Thank god almighty I'm free at last!

Okay - it really wasn't that bad. Not at all.

Overall the detox went really well. As I mentioned the other day I had bountiful energy, lost weight (and inches), and my skin looks fantastic. Best of all the pipes are working better than they have in years. This for me is saying something.

All the promises came true. I wasn't hungry, didn't feel deprived, and only craved something one day there at the end. One odd side effect is that I haven't bitten my nails in three weeks. Which is kind of unexpected and weird. How long will that last I wonder?

So now what do I do with this? Do I slowly revert back to my unhealthy ways, waiting to gradually revert back to being tired so I need another detox soon? Or do I incorporate some of what I learned and continue to eat better?

Ugh, I don't know. What I do know is that I want to keep having this much energy and I would love to lose eight more pounds. So for now I'll just keep eating the same way, testing one of the restricted foods every few days.

Today I incorporated the nightshade veggies. I love hot peppers and adore french fries, here is hoping I don't have to eliminate them 'for good'. Later this week I'm going to try gluten. Hope hope hope I can get back to drinking beer!!

chasing the wagon

2009-08-28T15:52:00.002-04:00

Boy do I want a drink.

You were all just waiting to hear that, weren't you?

Oddly enough this is the first time in the whole detox that I've craved alcohol. Even last night having dinner with the petes there wasn't a temptation to imbibe.

Probably the best thing to do is review how good I have felt through this whole thing. The energy, the elevated mood, the clear skin, the weight loss...

Or maybe I'll just keep busy. That might be the best course of action.

Two more days!

livin' raw

2009-08-27T12:41:00.003-04:00

Just to get as much out of this detox as I can (day 18 of 21, hooray!) I have been trying to eat as much raw food as possible.

This frankly is not all that difficult considering what is on the list of what I can eat.

Conveniently I not only live in NYC which is exceptionally detox friendly, but I also am a mere four blocks from the Westerly Market which has prepared raw organic foods.

From what I understand the raw food movement contends that heating fruits and veggies above 116 degrees destroys important enzymes. And I guess these enzymes are good for you or some such. Oh, and the life force is stronger if the food is raw. Yeah.

What is on the menu for today's lunch? Raw organic mashed potatoes. And guess what? Not a spud to be seen. Ingredients are: Cauliflower, cashews, thyme, lemon juice, and sea salt.

Appearance? Looks about right. Consistency? Yep, just like mashed potatoes. Taste? Not that bad. Not great, but I think the fact that it is cold really is detrimental to the flavor. If I trusted myself to heat to a balmy 110 degrees then they most probably would be pretty darn good!

So far my favorite of the raw foods from the Westerly are the beet salad (slivered beets, sunflower seeds, agave nectar, salt) and the mock tuna sandwich (fake bread made from nuts and seeds, fake tuna from slew of veggies and nuts).

To be honest I'm not sure if the raw foods are really making a difference, whether or not my body is digesting more efficiently or absorbing more nutrients. But if I find some stuff that is tasty along the way it can't hurt, right? If it wasn't for the prepared stuff I probably wouldn't have tried doing some raw at all. Besides salads of course.

This definitely isn't a lifestyle I would do full time though. No way no how. I genuinely love hot meals!!

how to recover

2009-08-25T13:59:00.004-04:00

Okay, I'm going to throw something out there that has been bothering me.

Over the years I've read an article or two (or five million) concerning what to eat after a workout. How to recover the best and get the most out of your training. What the ratio of protein to carbs to fat should be, how many calories you need, when you should eat.

Pretty much across the board the advice is to eat less than 90 minutes after you workout to replenish and refuel.

But this doesn't make sense. Look at the foods you are eating and how long it takes to break down those nutrients! The only things that I think absorb right away through your stomach lining are water, aspirin, and alcohol. Almost everything else has to be chemically processed in the stomach and then eventually absorbed in the intestines.

It can take HOURS to break down a snack.

Methinks all this research about when to eat is based off of those super-athletes whose bodies are in hyper drive to absorb nutrients because they burn it all off again so quickly.

As for the rest of us mere mortals? I'm guessing what you eat 12 hours before makes a whole lot more difference to how you recover from exercise.

But that's just my opinion. From an utterly unqualified non-medically trained perspective.

the single life

2009-08-24T13:11:00.002-04:00

One other thing of note that has been going on - all of a sudden I've been dating.

My regular readers know that over the years I date here and there, on and off. I'll meet someone, go on a few dates, and then be done seeing anyone for a few months.

You definitely can't say I'm not totally comfortable being single.

But how much of that is comfort and how much is stowing myself away in a 'safe' little nook, not risking any kind of attachment for fear of being hurt? To be honest I'm not really sure.

From my level of personal happiness being single I would say more of the former, but I won't lie I think there has always been a nibble of apprehension on my part as well. Even in my 20s I was fully aware that I dreaded commitment, somewhere believing that nothing is permanent so why lay it all on the line?

Lately the trepidation has dissipated. And it has been nice. Honestly I give full credit to my immersion into yoga; it healed and still heals me in so many surprising ways.

As often happens in life here I am open to something new and what do you think comes along? Boys.

Chemistry.com has recently been batting 1000. I have been a member for years (at no charge to me and with little interaction) with nary a good candidate thrown my way. Over the last six months it has been a flurry of activity filled with actual dating potential.

At one point I was dating two people at once. For more than one date and one week. Which for me is unheard of.

(BTW dating like that is VERY time consuming.)

So more details to come. I'll fill you all in on the boyz, they’ll be getting their own posts.

she never learns

2009-08-22T10:22:00.002-04:00

You know I thought I was oh so smart volunteering for the NYC half last weekend. Because I had learned from experience that it was a total bear to run. Always above 80 degrees and above 80% humidity.

As I cheered those 10,000 runners on I couldn't help but feel sorry for the poor saps.

Stupid ass me signs up for a 5k this weekend.

Duh.

Needless to say it was hot and humid. I rained in the morning, stopped before the start. And then the sun came out. You know what that means?

That means all that water on the ground starts to evaporate. Steam rising is always fun to run through. Not.

Overall my time was good, finished in just over 31 mins. And I didn't think about the knee once. That's something isn't it? Time and patience can cure so much.

For this race they used some new disposable chip to track our times and right now I'm not finding my results online - which kinda sucks. Guess I'll have to protest and use the pictures they take as proof.

You know, if I needed proof that I ran a race for something. Not that anything comes to mind. :)

why the detox?

2009-08-21T12:51:00.002-04:00

Here I am on day 12 of my detox.

When I tell people the laundry list of what I'm giving up for the 21 one days most of them tend to respond with "What?!? Why?!?" Of course in an incredulous tone.

Throughout my life I have been a high-energy kinda gal. I pride myself on being the life of the party, and was always on the go. Heck I held down two jobs and still went out a couple nights a week for years with nary a stumble in my stride.

Fast forward to the present day where I'm drinking six cups of coffee a day just to feel baseline normal and it is still a major effort to motivate to go out on the town at night.

Hells bells, I'm just 37 living a life of relative leisure. I should not be this exhausted all the time.

On a whim I picked up a book my company publishes, Spent. (As in lack of energy, not money)

The more I read the more I wanted to read. It claimed that if you are feeling worn down, are constantly bloated, can't lose weight despite diet/exercise, get sick often, can't sleep, etc etc then you just need to let your body heal itself.

Reboot.

Having gone on a two week juice fast I am no stranger to the idea of natural healing alternatives. So I took a couple weeks to trim down my kitchen and wean myself off of my coffee.

For breakfast I have a smoothie, lunch a salad or some quinoa/chicken/veggie combo, and dinner the same or back to a smoothie. If I get hungry I snack on fresh fruit or raw nuts.

Not hard right? Especially since I'm just not hungry. Not like before the detox, when for some reason I was hungry all the time - it felt like every couple of hours.

Oh, and the energy? Lord I'm waking up before my alarm, totally ready to take on the day. I've NEVER been that person!

In general so far so good! Granted I've never done something like this for three weeks, so we'll see how my resolve to be healthy holds up.

Then I’ll have to figure out the order in which to reintroduce the foods back into my diet. Any guesses what comes back first? Heh.

she's back!

2009-08-20T09:43:00.002-04:00

Boy, do I have a lot of catching up to do.

How have you all been? Feeling good? Livin life? Keepin' on keepin on?

It hasn't been so much that I've been busy as uninspired. Over time I just felt like I didn't have too much to say. And I would add that it seems I've been through a rough patch as well - which I think really affected me more than I even realized.

That being said I have a skip in my step again. You have no idea how much I missed that.

Why am I back? Right now two things - I'm back running again and I'm on a detox.

After a TON of yoga my muscles developed enough for my knee to get back to working order. It took patience and time but I even ran a four mile race last month, and it felt terrific.

The knee will never feel the same, I can tell there is a piece of cartilage missing, but it doesn't hurt. That is the key.

And the detox? Oh, the detox. Currently I am on day 11 of 21 giving up gluten, soy, dairy, sweeteners, nightshade veggies, caffeine, and alcohol. With that list it looks like there is nothing I can eat but don't you worry, there is plenty.

Killer thing about the detox is that all the promises are coming true. My energy is off the charts! One claim I scoffed at was that after a few days you would crave veggies and love the taste.
Yeah, right.
Well lo and behold last night I had some veggies with hummus and found myself eating just the veggies!! Mid-chew I even found myself saying "This celery is delicious! Wait, I hate celery..."

Maybe I should try Brussels sprouts tonight...oh the possibilities!

it's the little things

2009-06-26T15:58:00.003-04:00

Today while travelling to grab some lunch I passed by a gentleman walking while singing and playing a ukulele.

Because that is something I'm sure everyone sees all the time.

This city constantly sup rises and delights me to this day. Not that living here nine years is forever, but still.

My god, nine years and I'm still working for the man. Really, I've got to do something about that. Not that it isn't on my radar, I've been using the Lululemon Goal Site to keep track of where I go next.

Of course first on the list is to do a handstand without a wall. So we'll see how that whole non-corporate life thing measures up...

so sad

2009-06-25T21:47:00.002-04:00

Yes he was reclusive, eccentric, and clouded in mystery. But all the same I find myself greatly saddened by the untimely death of Michael Jackson.

Like many of you I have been glued to my TV for the past several hours, shocked by his death. I don't know why. Maybe because in spite of all his oddities his gifts of music and dance have permeated our culture to such a point that we can't imagine the world without him.

In memoriam a re post of my brush with his greatness back in early 2001. R.I.P Michael Jackson.

_______________________________________

I got to meet Michael Jackson once. I spent two hours with him, as a matter of fact. As his waitress.

Fresh off the metaphorical boat to NYC, I was working two jobs, publishing assistant by day and server at a swanky restaurant by night. The wait staff had a mix of experience, newbies like me who had been on the island for five months, and a score of actors who had been slinging drinks in between gigs for years. Imagine my surprise when I go into work and found out that I was to be the lucky person to wait on MJ and his production crew. They were in town to record his last album.

They were late; they had to lose the paparazzi on the way to the restaurant. He came in, his foot in a cast and wearing the facemask. Once in the banquet room the mask came off and the party of six relaxed a bit.

Michael Jackson was very pleasant, polite, and subdued. He ordered vegetable broth and orange soda. The rest of his party ate and drank like kings - on his dime. They whole meal they pandered for his attention, trying to engage him in conversation. I have to admit, he did his best to comply.

There was definitely something off about him. It was like there was a heavy fog surrounding him, emitting this weird "please, just let me be" vibe. You could sense that he was so tired of always having to give something to everyone. Really, every single person who met him wanted to be acknowledged, noticed, touched. I realized the greatest service I could give to him was to let him alone as much as possible.

I felt profoundly sorry for him. You could just tell that fame had scarred him so deeply there was probably no recourse. He would have to be completely un-famous for at least twenty years to even regain a semblance of normality. This man did not just give the world music, dance, and culture. He gave the world his life and his sanity. Was it worth it?

proof of age

2009-05-30T00:52:00.002-04:00

Oh, I've got one for ya.

On occasion after a tough day I'll have a beverage at home before I hit the hay. It doesn't have to be much, and for a nightcap I'm not going to be picky.

Often I've done various mixed drink variations, If there is vodka on hand I'll make do with lime juice, soda water, some kind of drink mix. Several things will work to make straight liquor a cocktail.

Tonight? Well to mix with vodka I had my orange flavor Metamucil on hand as well as some soda water.

Everyone can use a little fiber, right?

Right?

Dude.

Oh...

Dude.

But really, is it so wrong to ask for intoxication and regularity at the same time?

**Question you will never hear posed by a 20-something**

BTW - Tasted pretty good. Note for retirement parties....

rollover

2009-03-07T08:25:00.002-05:00

So I signed up for rollover minutes with my cell phone plan.

I don't talk on the phone much.

Guess how many anytime minutes I have.

4,507. That's 75 hours. Three days uninterrupted. Who wants to guess how quickly I burn through these in April once my yogi plan goes live? Ha.

c'mon

2009-02-13T07:43:00.004-05:00

This morning I think the NYT is having a joke on me.

In the article that states that we are just steps away from the cure to a common cold, the picture of the nasty rhinovirus is posted...

Dude, its a soccer ball. With stars on it.

Gotta be a prank, I swear...

pushing yourself

2009-02-07T08:34:00.003-05:00

Howdy readers! Sorry for the radio silence. You know when I started this thing I couldn't wait to write another post. I would think about it all the time, obsessed with coming up with good material and getting it on the World Wide Web. But now? Not so much.

Hmmm. Wonder why.

Anyhoo the other day I was in a yoga class and I discovered something. I can lower myself from plank position and hover halfway down (known as Chaturanga Dandasana) for days on end. That wasn't the discovery; I've been building that strength for months.

The discovery was that the teacher asked us to reverse the flow and come up from the hover I couldn't do it. Not even one.

My god. I have become a freak of nature with built triceps and no biceps at all.

Fortunately I am not one to resign myself to my fates. In discussing my revelation with friends last night a game plan was hatched. In the form of a challenge. My friend Ctina had told me a while ago about a website that has a program to reach 100 push-ups in just six weeks.

(At the bar I was remembering incorrectly that it was 100 push-ups in 100 days, but 42 days is even more impressive!)

Luckily I'm not the only person I know who likes to set crazy fitness goals and work with elaborate training plans. My buddy Squirrel heard the idea and was sold.

Thus this Monday starts THE CHALLENGE. I don't recall if there was any kind of wager as to completing said gauntlet, but I'm pretty sure when I kick Squirrel's ass I'll be able to tease him mercilessly for months. Years even.

You know, I'm willing to bet that we can get quite a good group together on this one. I'm totally tagging Ctina, Seattle Girl, my sister and her husband, Spaghetti, Colorado Dman, GM Paul, and Vegas Dawn. One because I think they would enjoy joining in our little adventure, two because I will love torturing them should they fall short of the goal.

Who's in??

torn

2009-01-21T11:36:00.002-05:00

So besides loving destination NYE (which I still will post about!!) I also adore destination birthdays. And being that my birthday is four days after Vday if I can be gone then too it is a major bonus.

Of course now that I am a proud owner and user of a Passport I am itching to get some more stamps.

One idea I had was to go to a week long yoga retreat in Costa Rica. All inclusive vegetarian meals and two classes a day. Problem was that it was two grand before airfare. Ouch.

Today I received an email with London airfare sales. Total round trip with two free nights in a hotel for five hundred bucks. This I could do in more of a long weekend, four or five nights.

Then on a whim I checked the yoga retreat and they are having a recession special - it is down to nineteen hundred bucks WITH the airfare.

I'm torn. Right now I'm leaning toward London because it is shorter and cheaper. But on the other hand Costa Rica is warm and sunny this time of year. And yoga is good for you.

Decisions, decisions.

soooo cold

2009-01-17T13:01:00.002-05:00

Okay, so this morning I woke up to no heat.

Again.

Second time this week, maybe the fifth or sixth time since I've been here. Always on the really cold days. And when there is no heat there is no hot water either, so I can't even warm up in the shower.

Aren't there laws about this???

During the week my saving grace has been this amazing invention, Ojon Rub-Out Dry Cleanser.

This stuff is AMAZING. Sadly my hair gets visibly greasy in a mere 24 hours. Thus the need to wash my hair daily. Which is torture in a cold shower when my apartment has no heat. But with this product a mere spray, rub, and brush later my hair looks fantastic. Good as new. And fullness and body?? Gorgeous.

Methinks with curly or already too-full hair this might be a bit much, but if you have those problems do you really have to wash your hair everyday anyway?

Anyhoo, this stuff rocks my world. So much that if you are getting gifts from me this year you already know it will be one of those wrapped items.

Now if my heat would be just as reliable as this hair product...

what to do when it is cloudy

2009-01-16T23:42:00.000-05:00

Day two in the canaries we woke up to overcast skies somewhere just shy of noon. After a short walk we were able to find a place that served English breakfast (baked beans anyone?) and hit the beach.

It was cold without sun.

Luckily that's when TJ and Chris showed up. TJ is a friend of Kzoo Jen's from Kellogg and Chris is his boyfriend. They had already been in the islands for a week, and wanted to head up to the coast to see the cliffs. We were game, so we headed up to Los Gigantes.

Do you see that spec just a little bit left and below the first cliff? That's an entire pirate ship. (or what looked like one.) The cliffs were big indeed. Driving to them was reminiscent of driving highway 1 in California, and Kzoo Jen felt a little bubbly in the tummy so we headed next for some soda. Warm soda of course, since they don't really try hard to chill beverages on Tenerife.

Los Gigantes itself was nestled in the valley of some cliffs, complete with tiny winding one way roads that snaked over and around each other all the way to the water.

That would be an unsuspecting TJ in the bottom left corner.

The next day was overcast as well, so we all spent the most of our time eating, sleeping, and drinking the night away. We pretty much spent the most of our time in an Irish pub.
Yes, I know. We travelled across the world and I still ended up in an Irish pub. But you don't understand!!! There was a live band!! And even ten year old kids were dancing on the tables!! Just look at that crowd!

We danced with the Irish, the English, and even some locals. Oh, and I suppose it was a bonus everyone automatically spoke our language. Didn't notice that at the time.

We also got to help celebrate TJ's birthday, which was the 30th. Here is a picture of TJ and Chris in front of the birthday dessert feast that Chris put together to celebrate. Note everything is chocolate. Joy!!

world traveller

2009-01-13T21:08:00.002-05:00

The rest of the holiday in Dtown was good if not downright uneventful. Exchanged some gifts, ate some food, watched children run around. For fun I handed my iphone to my five-year-old nephew who then took a few pics....

And then off to the Canary Islands with Kzoo Jen!! We saw each other briefly at DTW and then traveled our separate airlines to Madrid, Spain. We flew into Tenerife without incident, and were able to navigate the bus system to make it from the north to the south part of the island without too much pain.

Although I did learn that a handy translator on the iphone is neat, but if you don't understand answers to your questions you kind of are screwed anyway. Mental note - before traveling to another foreign speaking country I am reviewing my number translations. Anything in Spanish over ten just confused me.

Our first night on the town of Las Playas de Americas I discovered something amazing. Callers were paid a euro for each person they were able to solicit into coming into a bar, and we were given free shots and two for one drinks for being that new customer.

Free shots people!!

Okay, they weren't quite an ounce and most of the time they were more like a juice drink, but free booze is free booze.

Which can have an unfortunate side effect. On our way out of the second to last bar of the evening some guys were playing this punching bag game. It was one of those teardrop shaped bags, and the challenge was to hit it as hard as you could and find out how forceful your blow was.

These gents encouraged myself and Kzoo Jen to give it a whirl. I stood in front of the game, drew back my hand, and threw all my weight into my blow.

Unfortunately the floor was wet beneath me. And I have no idea how to throw a punch. My feet flew out from underneath me and I fell forward.

On my face.

Yeah, not kidding. My face hit first, hands never had a chance to catch up.

My first worry? My veneers!! I just got the damn things! Luckily they seemed secure. But then my lip swelled up. Because that is sexy. Oh yeah.

But don't worry, that didn't spoil my fun. We went to another bar so I could get a nice cold beer to ice my lip. Who says I don't know anything about first aid??

happy holidays! (much belated)

2009-01-11T21:26:00.003-05:00

My holidays were just great, thank you very much!

Yeah, it has taken me a week to get around to blogging. Proof positive that it still rates high on my list, I'm doing this but I haven't gotten around to unpacking yet.

Thus you get a glimpse into how my priorities are structured.

Christmas itself was a lot of fun. For me. My sister and brother in law were hella sick. Katie had a super painful sinus infection and Scho had a dry hacking cough. They were real troopers though; they were amazing hosts in spite of their pain.

We did our second annual trip to Sidetracks in Ypsi for the FANTASTIC beer battered pickles. (mmmmmm) And of course we played a little Rock Band. Hell, feeling a little better they let me teach them some yoga on Christmas morning.

Katie really did go above and beyond. On Christmas Eve day we wanted to go into A2 for some Indian food but her head was throbbing, so she allowed me to give her on of my post-op vicodin. By the time we got to the restaurant the pain had gone down a bit, so she acquiesced to a second pill.

She didn't eat very much of the buffet though, complaining of a slight upset stomach. She mentioned that she thought it might be the drugs. Which I can understand, after my abdominal wall reconstruction both vicodin and percoset made me nauseous.

Sis powered through the meal, and we decided to check out the brand spanking new Whole Foods that just opened on the west side of Ann Arbor. We needed to eat something that night, and I wanted to pick up some healthy snacks for my impending travels.

Happily the parking lot was not too full, and we ventured into the world of overpriced healthy stuff. Sweet bounty of all things wholesome and natural, we slowly browsed the aisles of sweet, sweet nutrition packed opulence. And joy of joys, we found Katie's favorite beer in stock in the back of the restaurant! We had been searching for this Bell's seasonal beer in the pink box for the past 24 hours, to no avail. Sold out everywhere else, we celebrated our bounty.

Then we moved towards the prepared foods section to select our dinner. Sis then turned to me and said,

"I think I'm going to throw up"

Well we immediately pinpointed an employee and asked the location of the restrooms. Front of store. With a sense of urgency belying our calm, we started to move past the open buffets.

Then it happened. Katie slowed down, and cupped her mouth with her hands. She held it together for a second, a breath. Then her stomach contracted and liquid shot out from between her fingers, jet propelled in all directions.

At this point she had to drop her hands as she heaved again, albeit just straight down - to minimize the radius of expulsion.

You would think we would have caused a stir. But no. It was over in less than ten seconds. One employee did witness the last relief and handed her his towel. She then was able to make a break for the bathroom. I stood there with the employee for a minute, wondering if I should baby-sit the mess until it got cleaned up. Then I decided my sister was more important and joined her in the front of the store.

We didn't end up buying the beer. Or any dinner. We can however sleep easy now knowing that she will never have a problem with addiction to painkillers.

More about the holidays to come...

never a dull...body

2008-12-21T23:35:00.002-05:00

Just a quick update on the knee. Had a follow up appt with my doc, and he told me it wasn't my meniscus that was messed up. It was a much more rare injury, a break in my articular cartilage the size of a quarter.

Which means the coating on my femur that makes movement smooth had a big rough spot. Therefore my doc smoothed it back out.

Good news is that it is an even faster recovery time. Two more weeks and I can start jogging again.

Bad news is that if this was a genetic origin then I may need partial knee replacement down the line.

BUT that will happen with or without running. So I am going to use my handy dandy bright side disease and believe that the pseudogout caused the wear and tear and now everything is hunkey dorey.

So I'll try to get one more post in before my holiday travels. Because with all this busy stuff happening I've had an adventure or two,

That's right people, I actually have things to blog about again. Stay tuned.

pretty snow!!

2008-12-16T18:16:00.002-05:00

It is about frickin' time it really snowed here in NYC. How the heck do you get in the holiday spirit without snow??

Okay, yes I work around the corner from the Rockefeller Center tree. I guess that helps.

So as many of you know yesterday was my arthroscopic knee surgery to correct my torn meniscus. All went fine and dandy, my health is okay and my joint outlook is rosy.

My surgery was scheduled for noon, which really meant two to three hours of me sitting around repeating my birth date and what part of me was to be operated upon to about ten people. Guess they were worried about cutting the wrong piece of me up. Which is good to know, that they care I mean. Not that there is probably a reason for their paranoia.

Much to my relief they did the whole procedure with me under general anesthesia, which means I was knocked the heck out. The original anesthesia doc suggested I get a spinal, which made me nervous. As much as you would think to the contrary I really have no desire to be awake when someone is rooting around in my body. Hell, a sonogram of my heart beating almost made me hyperventilate.

Maybe an hour after being knocked out I awoke in the operating room - groggy with my knee trussed up in padding and ace bandages. The surgeon long gone to his next patient.

The recovery room nurses let me know that yes indeedy I could put weight on my leg and all I would need to walk would be a cane. I was given a prescription for some vicodin, and then when I proved I could walk to the bathroom without collapsing they let Thighs accompany me back home. (Thanks again Thighs!)

Frankly there was no pain leaving the hospital, my leg felt totally fine. Which was nice. I filled my painkiller prescription, popped a couple, and was promptly asleep by 10:00.

And of all the stuff they gave me and I gave myself wore off somewhere around 6:00 am. Holy crap it was hard to miss.

Dude, painkillers really work. The pain for real was a bitch. Which reflecting upon it makes sense - the literally rotor-rooted my knee, scraping out a bunch of bad padding. That should make a mark!!

Today I got my booty back to work, taking a cab in the am and dosing on my meds. It is better that I keep a little active; I have to move around at least every hour to prevent a stroke. (Good times) Besides, the more I keep my leg strength up, the quicker I recover and can get back to RUNNING!!

Doc said I can jog in four weeks. That was pre-surgery, so I'll hear for sure in my follow up appt on Thursday. Fingers crossed!!

little gains

2008-12-12T23:57:00.003-05:00

Tonight, as a reward for completing my yoga teacher training, I decided to treat myself to a spa treatment.

Being that I lost a few pounds I figured I would enhance the effect by getting the quadruple thighpass. Which incorporates, and I quote:

A serious anti-cellulite treatment for those with "thigh" anxiety. An "all points attack" on orange-peel leaning legs. With a custom-blended microcirculation-stimulating essential oil, sluggish lymph gland handling, and two types of thigh-smoothing, toxin-purging massage. After 6 sessions, you'll be looking absolutely fabu-legs.

Ummmmmmmmmm

Yeah. It involved a pump machine with high suction. And a suction cup. That pulled my forearm skin (no fat there) up an inch. To test so I would be prepared.

Do you have ANY idea what it did to fattier tissue?

Ouch.

Oh wait.

Right, ouch.

Treat? What treat?

Damn you spas and your so-called beauty regimens. Torture to look pretty I say.

But really what do we ever do to look good that feels good as well? Yeah, nada. Waxing? Plucking? Shaving?

Dammit, being pretty is painful.